Unofficial Capitals Awards Odds

Tonight in Vegas, Mike Green and Alex Ovechkin have a chance to make history. According to a tweet by PR guru Nate Ewell last night, not since Wayne Gretzky and Paul Coffey have two teammates repeated as NHL first team all-stars. Ovechkin is a lock and, no disrespect to Drew Doughty and Duncan Keith, Green should be too.

Odds of this happening, determined by yours truly without consulting official odds-makers in Vegas, using a calculator, or putting down the bottle:

4 to 5

Two-time reigning MVP Alex Ovechkin is nominated again for the Hart Memorial Trophy, which is voted on by the media. His competition is Henrik Sedin, who led the league in points, and Sidney Crosby, who tied for the league lead in goals with 51. While Ovechkin was bested in points by Sedin and equaled by Crosby, he dominated in points per game with a whopping (and career best) 1.51. Some are convinced that two absences due to suspension, a flameout in the Olympics, and the star-studded Caps lineup will hurt is chances to take home the trophy. Fair or unfair, I am one of those people, and I think Sedin ultimately takes home the Hart (althought I hope I'm wrong).


Odds of Ovechkin winning the Hart Trophy, determined by yours truly without consulting official odds-makers in Vegas, using a calculator, or putting down the bottle:

3 to 2

The Ted Lindsay Award, formerly known as the Lester B. Pearson Award, is given to the league's most outstanding player, as voted on by the NHL Player's Association. Ovechkin has won this award two years in a row and there is no reason it should end this year. While media members may fault Ovechkin for "dirty" play, players surely realize that there isn't a more dominating presence on the ice. I am fairly confident he will take home this trophy for the third year in a row.


Odds of Ovechkin winning the Ted Lindsay Award, determined by yours truly without consulting official odds-makers in Vegas, using a calculator, or putting down the bottle:

1 to 2

Now on to the difficult stuff and, as usual, it's Mike Green in question. The James Norris Memorial Trophy is awarded by the media to the NHL's top defense player who demonstrates throughout the season the greatest all-around ability at the position. While there are many tight races to be won tonight, this one will be subject to the most scrutiny. It's easy to determine a defenseman's offensive contributions through goals, assists, and points, but to quantify his defensive abilities is a much more daunting tasks. Advanced metrics such as GAON/60 and +-ON/60 help paint the picture but not every voter trusts them, let alone knows about them. Two things can sway these voters: their eyes and what everyone else is saying. Their eyes should tell them that Mike Green is the most dominant offensive defenseman in the game, and the stats back it up (76 points in 71 games to lead all defenseman). However, their eyes are also telling them that Green is prone to bad turnovers, that he gambles too much in the defensive zone, that he is cashing in on a number of easy assists to superstars like Ovechkin, Alex Semin, and Nicklas Backstrom. Making matters worse, there is a stigma surrounding Green, mostly undeserved, that he can't play defense because he's so good at offense. Just blame ignorant Flyers fans for that one. He's not freakin' Sandis Ozolinsh, people.


Nevertheless, Duncan Keith's consistency throughout the season as the steady rock of the Chicago defense will win him his first Norris Trophy. Drew Doughty will finish a close second, and Green a close third. I don't see Green ever winning a Norris if he fails to do so this year, especially as a young stud like Doughty matures into a better Chris Pronger, minus the douchiness.

I will be stunned if Green wins this award.

Odds of Mike Green winning the Norris Trophy, determined by yours truly without consulting official odds-makers in Vegas, using a calculator, or putting down the bottle:

3 to 1

The festivities begin tonight at 7:30 ET. The boozy pregame begins whenever you goddamn feel like it.
 

Caps Burning Questions Revisited: Mike Gartner Edition

Maybe it's early to be reviewing pre-season expectations, but so what? We're now 11 games into the season; why did we wait for the 11th game to write this post? Because we love Mike Gartner, that's why. Move along.

[Getty Images, via Capitals Insider]

10) Can Mike Green put his disastrous playoffs behind him and duplicate the regular season success he had last year?

Green has shown flashes of that Norris Trophy form early this season, and his performance on Long Island last weekend is plenty of reason to be optimistic. He sits at 11 points (2G, 9A) with a +6 rating; through 11 games in 2008-09 he had 8 points (4G, 4A) with a +1 rating. One reason why his goals are down is because he has put 12 fewer shots on goal this season compared to last. But I digress: more points, better plus minus? We'll take it.

9) Will Michael Nylander's contract prove ruinous?

Well, at least the Caps haven't lost any other players to waivers since L'affaire Bourque (C-Bo, by the way, has yet to register a point in three games with Pittsburgh). But Nylander's still on the team's books, and despite his current conditioning stint with Grand Rapids of the AHL, No. 92 still needs to convince some KHL honcho that he's worth their investment. Until that happens, think of Nylander like a buddy of yours from college who moves to town without a job. You offer him your couch and he just sits there, taking up roughly 10 percent of your living space. On the rare occasion he does leave the apartment, he leaves all his crap behind, meaning you still don't have room for that fancy new IKEA media center you've needed for months. Until the guy finds a job, you and your crappy TV stand are stuck with each other.

8) Will the penalty kill take a leap forward?

So the Caps haven't found a way to stop the Philadelphia Flyers power play yet, but as far as the rest of the league is concerned, the penalty killers have been better, currently operating at an 81.5 percent success rate. They finished 2008-09 at 80.6. That's without resident penalty killer Boyd Gordon for the past five games, to boot.

7) Will Bruce Boudreau actually find line combos that work and stick with them?

The 8-19-28 line is clearly something special, but when they have an off night, there isn't enough secondary scoring on most nights to overcome their lack of production. When they're having an "on" night, watch out. In short, Boudreau hasn't changed from last season, not that we're complaining.

6) Can Alex Semin stay healthy for a full 82-game season?

No, not at all.

5) Will a healthy Chris Clark actually be a good Chris Clark?

The Captain looked every bit the Chris Clark of Old through the first five games of the year, but has been less and less noticeable ever since, despite registering his first goal of the season last Thursday in Atlanta. Boudreau's been giving No. 17 about 10 minutes of ice per game thus far, and has even thrown him out on the second power play unit (where he has registered an assist) with some regularity. Yes, he has been the victim of almost-constant line shuffling, which is what happens when you skate on the third and fourth lines, but his minus-4 rating simply has to improve if Clark wants more ice time.

4) If Alex Ovechkin gets hurt and misses time...what then?

Not going there...

3) How will the Capitals make up for the veteran leadership that Sergei Fedorov provided?

"Leadership," in the Fedorovian sense of the word, hasn't been an issue through 11 games. What the Capitals do miss most about No. 91 is his ability to win key power play draws. Too often, the Capitals waste 15-20 seconds of power play time because Nicklas Backstrom (40.5 percent) or Brooks Laich (50.7 percent) can't win the draw. Fedorov's 56.2 percent success rate from last season would be the best on the team among regular draw-takers not named Steckel or Gordon.

2) Will Alex Ovechkin evolve into a more complete player?

Honestly, it's way too early to tell, and when the guy's leading the league in goals and is second overall in points, does it really matter? For the record, Ovechkin has eight assists through 11 games, compared to five last year and seven the year before. Don't change a thing, Ovie.

1) Can Bruce Boudreau motivate his players to play hard every night?

Sure, the Capitals are just four points behind league-leading Pittsburgh atop the standings, but of the 11 games this season, how many 60-minute efforts have we seen? We'll define "60 Minute Effort" as a game in which the Capitals were tied or ahead entering the third period, and did not allow more than a single goal en route to recording a regulation victory (shootout wins don't count). 3 out of 11: at Boston, vs. San Jose and vs. Philadelphia.

As Red Rover wrote, the Capitals are winning on talent more than effort right now. That's fine in October and, honestly, as long as the team stays healthy, it should carry them to another Southeast Division title. But as we learned last spring, talent alone will not win you the Stanley Cup.

Bonus: Are there other burning questions that need to be answered through 11 games?

There are, but the biggest one was answered (for now) Tuesday night: Jose Theodore.

Ten Burning Questions for the Capitals in 2009-10

Hey, remember Game 7? No? Good, me neither. Either way, that abortive evening is irrelevant now, because the puck drops on a new season tonight in Boston. About damn time.

[h/t boygenius88]

The team's ascendancy is reason enough to be pumped for the return of hockey in Chinatown, but coupled with the massive, systemic and ongoing failures of the other local franchises, the microscope under which the Capitals find themselves is more intense than it's been, well, maybe ever. Seriously, when was the last time the Washington Post produced a standalone NHL season preview?

But let's take off the happy goggles for a few minutes; it may shock you to learn, dear reader, that the Capitals are far from perfection. While few Stanley Cup-winning squads manage to avoid undergoing significant changes throughout the course of a successful campaign, the Capitals fancy their chances with what they've got on the ice tonight. Should they? We've got 10 key questions that could affect whether or not Ovechkin's Revenge, as we're dubbing this season, boils into a full-blown couch-burnin' revolution, or simply peters out like the geniuses at EA Sports say it will.


10) Can Mike Green put his disastrous playoffs behind him and duplicate the regular season success he had last year?

Lambo-Greenie found no shortage of excuses to explain his utter disappearance from the playoffs last spring: he ran out of his favorite sticks, he was nursing injuries, he was out of shape. Despite posting decent offensive numbers for any D-man not named Mike Green (1-8-9), anybody who watched Green skate in the regular season could tell something wasn't right with No. 52, who led all Capitals skaters in playoff ice time, but posted a minus-5, was a turnover machine and simply couldn't keep opposing forwards away from the crease. Whatever was bugging him, Green knows he's under the gun now; a slow start to the season would stunt any chance he has of making the Canadian Olympic roster, and the longer it takes for him to find his form again, the more questions will arise about whether or not the GreenLife52.com lifestyle is becoming more than a chav-tastic glamour project. He was better than a point-per-game player last year; he should surpass his totals with the benefit of an injury-free campaign. But when playoff time next rolls around, there damn well better not be any more excuses.

9) Will Michael Nylander's contract prove ruinous?

What happens when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force? Here's what: Michael Nylander sits in the press box every night, earning $4.875 million. We could debate the merits of Bruce Boudreau's unstoppable urge to keep the Swede in street clothes, but really, the battle lines have been drawn, so let's talk reality: Chris Bourque is likely only the first casualty of George McPhee's 2007 generosity towards Nylander. It's gotten to the point where that dead cap space is now affecting hockey decisions in a very real way, and for a team with as much going for it as the Capitals to be hamstrung by this bloated corpse of a contract is, at best, inconvenient and at worst, self-sabotage. If Nylander's still here at trade deadline time and there's a glaring need to be addressed, which there always is, where does the team get the money from? Nylander's trade value won't increase by not playing, right? Right? Let's hope some KHL squad with Gagarin Cup aspirations (hah!) loses a few centers and comes calling.

8) Will the penalty kill take a leap forward?

The Capitals ranked 17th in the league in 2008-09 on the PK, but for 81 of those games, they were without Washington's newest soon-to-be superhero: Quintin Laing. We're not saying one guy can single-handedly boost the unit into the Top 10, we're just saying that Laing will be your favorite player by about November. The addition of Mike Knuble to a cast of penalty killers that already includes Brooks Laich, Boyd Gordon, David Steckel and Chris Clark should also boost the team's PK unit noticeably.

7) Will Bruce Boudreau actually find line combos that work and stick with them?

[Image via USAToday]

The team's health throughout the course of the season will have a lot to say about this, but we kinda doubt it. In his two seasons in Washington, Boudreau has made whole lines disappear as if he's been on a two-year coke binge, only to have them reappear the next game. If Boudreau doesn't like what he sees, or if his team doesn't have 3 goals by the end of the first period, everyone knows that whatever the top line was at the start of the night becomes Ovechkin-Backstrom-Semin. Still, we'd like to see him give Knuble a shot at that first-line RW gig for at least two, maybe three periods on Thursday before he dashes it all to the wind.

6) Can Alex Semin stay healthy for a full 82-game season?

Semin has proved somewhat fragile over the course of his career; after skating in 77 games in 2006-07, he missed 19 games in 2007-08 and 20 games last season. That said (and this is purely anecdotal), I've heard more than one person say Semin looks bigger this year, and I tend to agree. That's not going to inoculate him from pulling a groin muscle, but it should allow him to advance the more physical brand of hockey the Russian seemed to embrace in the last two postseasons. Being able to initiate physical contact rather than fall victim to it could spare Semin some wear and tear. If he's on the ice for 75+ games in 2009-10, he has a chance to post career numbers because, after all, it's a contract year, and No. 28 wants to get paid this winter.

5) Will a healthy Chris Clark actually be a good Chris Clark?

If you sit up in the Verizon Center nosebleeds these days, you'll hear lots of chatter among bandwagon Capitals fans who question why Clark is the team's captain. Their memories are short; Clark was arguably the team's best player not named Ovechkin in the year following the lockout, and his sacrifices on the ice were rewarded with the C. Now, with two years lost to injury, Clark says he's finally healthy again. What can we expect? This team doesn't need Clark to be a 30-goal scorer like it did when he skated on the top line with Ovechkin and, wow, Dainius Zubrus. They do, however, need him to play solid defensively, and part of that means responsibly. Clark was a penalty machine in limited action in last year's postseason, but it would be hard for anyone to compete at playoff speed without the occasional hook or hold after sitting on the shelf for three months. A good season for Clark would look like this: 10-15-25, with about 70 PIMs.

4) If Alex Ovechkin gets hurt and misses time...what then?

Look, whenever Ovie goes flying headfirst into the boards and misses a shift, I wet myself. He plays with such reckless abandon at times that it seems like a mere eventuality that he goes into the corner and...no, I'm not even going to say it.

Russian Machine Never Break Down.

3) How will the Capitals make up for the veteran leadership that Sergei Fedorov provided?

Sergei Fedorov is an NHL legend and future hall-of-famer; you can't just replace what he meant to the team in a single offseason. However, Mike Knuble's a good start. The new No. 22 is already wearing an 'A', which reflects the wisdom acquired during a Cup-winning career that's included stints alongside Steve Yzerman (and Fedorov) in Detroit, Wayne Gretzky in New York and Ray Bourque in Boston. The guy knows what it takes to win, just like Fedorov did. A healthy Chris Clark also provides a measure of on-ice leadership that's been missing for two seasons, provided he behaves himself.

2) Will Alex Ovechkin evolve into a more complete player?

56-54-110. 35-78-113. One of those sets of numbers won a Hart Trophy; the other set didn't, though the eventual Conn Smythe and Stanley Cup probably eased that sting. Which of those numbers would you rather have? Ovechkin's numbers were eye-popping, but his 56 goals came from 528 shots on goal; Evgeni Malkin's more modest 35 goals came from just 290 shots on goal; if Malkin shot as much as Ovechkin did, he'd be close to 70 goals for the season, albeit with fewer assists. Ovechkin's assist totals should increase automatically with the addition of a garbage collector like Mike Knuble (presumably) skating on his right side, but if No. 8 turned some of those surplus shots into timely dishes, his numbers might more closely resemble the balance of Malkin. After all, Ovechkin creates so many of his shots off the rush, but someday in the next 11 seasons, he won't have the burst to get open for as many looks; learning how to distribute effectively now could go a long way toward prolonging Ovechkin's perennial grasp on the Hart Trophy.

1) Can Bruce Boudreau motivate his players to play hard every night?

"When you have championship blood in you, you never quit," Boudreau told the media after Washington's 3-2 OT win against Chicago last month. That statement is as true after a preseason victory as it is a victory in mid-June. But what about all those months in between? With the division seemingly wrapped up by the turn of calendar year 2009, the Capitals were bitten by the letdown bug, dropping winnable games at home against inferior opponents in February and March: 5-4 vs. Los Angeles, 4-1 vs. Colorado, a string of bad losses to Florida, Carolina and Toronto, all on Verizon Center ice. Let's not forget what happened in Games 1 and 2 in the New York Rangers series. Simply put, the Capitals in 2008-09 displayed a tendency to play tentatively when they had no reason to. Call it nerves or call it complacency, but it very nearly cost them their season.

Boudreau's challenge, with a roster full of superstars, is to infuse the team with the belief that they can win by simply doing what comes naturally to them. The entire organization is built on the idea of winning championships, and that requires a killer instinct that can't only be seen in Hershey. If the team truly has 'championship blood', it needs to be on display whether the calendar says March or May; whether the opponent is Atlanta or Pittsburgh; whether it's Game 64 or Game 7.

The 2009-10 Washington Capitals team has the talent in their lineup to win every single night; but is it in their blood yet? We'll find out starting tonight at 7 PM in Boston.

2009-2010 NHL Predictions

When the puck drops in Boston in less than 24 hours, the Caps 8-month quest for Lord Stanley officially commences. I think I speak for all of us depressed Skins-Nats-O's-Wizards fans when I say, "It's about goddamn time."

Before we preview the Caps specifically, we decided to take a look at the entire NHL and offer our bold - as well as not very bold - predictions for the upcoming season. For the sake of simplicity, we each voted for our top five players on five major awards as well as division and conference winners. And, of course, your Stanley Cup Champion. Here's how it all went down:

Division Winners:

Consensus:

Southeast: Washington
Northeast: Boston
Atlantic: Pittsburgh
Central: Detroit
Northwest: Vancouver
Pacific: San Jose

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - Washington, Boston, Pittsburgh, Chicago, Calgary, San Jose
Red Rover - Washington, Boston, Philadelphia, Detroit, Vancouver, San Jose
Marion's Crackpipe - Washington, Boston, Pittsburgh, Detroit, Vancouver, San Jose
Iafrate's Baldspot - Washington, Boston, Pittsburgh, Chicago, Vancouver, San Jose

Analysis:

As one would pretty much expect, Washington, Boston, and San Jose are voted division winners in unanimous fashion. Philadelphia and Calgary steal a vote a piece, with the additions of big names like Pronger, Heatley, and Bouwmeester perhaps giving them the edge over the incumbents. The most interesting race, though, appears to be in the Central Division. Can the young Blackhawks succeed with high expectations or are they in for a major letdown, paving the way for Detroit to win their 321st (or something like that) consecutive division title?

Stanley Cup Champions:

Consensus:

Winner: Washington over Chicago

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - San Jose over Washington
Red Rover - Washington over Vancouver
Marion's Crackpipe - Washington over Chicago
Iafrate's Baldspot - Washington over Chicago

Analysis:

Is this finally the year? I sure hope so, but there's a lot that can happen between now and June. So far be it from me to be only one to pick against the Caps, but I just assumed it would be the kiss of death. You hear that, guys? This better not be the kiss of death. Anything short of a Cup and I'm blaming you. Crap.

Maurice "Rocket" Richard (Goal Scoring):

Consensus:

1. Alex Ovechkin, Washington
2. Dany Heatley, San Jose
3. Jarome Iginla, Calgary
4. Ilya Kovalchuk, Atlanta
5. (Tie) Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh; Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh; Zach Parise, New Jersey

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Ovechkin, 2. Crosby, 3. Kovalchuk, 4. Iginla, 5. Eric Staal
Red Rover - 1. Ovechkin, 2. Heatley, 3. Iginla, 4. Phil Kessel, 5. Alex Semin
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Ovechkin, 2. Parise, 3. Jeff Carter, 4. Kovalchuk, 5. Semin
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Ovechkin, 2. Malkin, 3. Heatley, 4. Rick Nash, 5. Iginla

Analysis:

Come on...who else? He's won the trophy two years running and the guy who feeds him the puck, Nicklas Backstrom, is only getting better. Heatley's got a shot (no pun intended) to get to 50 playing next to Joe Thornton, but Ovechkin is the only player with a shot to get to 60. Or 70. Or 80. Should I...should I stop?

Art Ross (Points):

Consensus:

1. Alex Ovechkin, Washington
2. Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh
3. Joe Thornton, San Jose
4. Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh
5. Ryan Getzlaf, Anaheim

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Crosby, 2. Ovechkin, 3. Malkin, 4. Getzlaf, 5. Thornton
Red Rover - 1. Thornton, 2. Ovechkin, 3. Malkin, 4. Vincent Lecavalier, 5. Nicklas Backstrom
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Ovechkin, 2. Malkin, 3. Crosby, 4. Getzlaf, 5. Semin
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Malkin, 2. Ovechkin, 3. Thornton, 4. Pavel Datsyuk, 5. Getzlaf

Analysis:

This vote was a lot closer than the Richard but the result was the same, with Ovechkin barely beating out Malkin for the top billing. The DCLS believes the addition of Mike Knuble on the top line may lead to more "assists" for Ovie (read: rebound goals), catapulting him just ahead of Malkin in this year's race. Crazy? No, logical.

Hart (Most Valuable Player):

Consensus:

1. Alex Ovechkin, Washington
2. Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh
3. Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh
4. Mike Richards, Philadelphia
5. Pavel Datsyuk, Detroit

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Ovechkin, 2. Crosby, 3. Getzlaf, 4. Malkin, 5. Martin Brodeur
Red Rover - 1. Ovechkin, 2. Richards, 3. Thornton, 4. Datsyuk, 5. Iginla
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Ovechkin, 2. Malkin, 3. Datsyuk, 4. Getzlaf, 5. Toews
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Ovechkin, 2. Malkin, 3. Crosby, 4. Richards, 5. Iginla

Analysis:

As was the case with the Richard voting, we unanimously voted for Ovechkin to win the Hart for the third consecutive year. Are you bored with these selections? Too bad - what else did you expect from a homer blog? Keep an eye on Mike Richards, though. If Philadelphia overachieves, their captain - and one of the more underrated players in all of hockey - might get his long overdue recognition.

Norris (Best Defenseman):

Consensus:

1. Zdeno Chara, Boston
2. Mike Green, Washington
3. Nicklas Lidstrom, Detroit
4. Sergei Gonchar, Pittsburgh
5. (Tie) Jay Bouwmeester, Calgary; Shea Weber, Nashville

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Chara, 2. Lidstrom, 3. Chris Pronger, 4. Dan Boyle, 5. Green
Red Rover - 1. Gonchar, 2. Green, 3. Bouwmeester, 4. Lidstrom, 5. Weber
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Green, 2. Chara, 3. Lidstron, 4. Dion Phaneuf, 5. Duncan Keith
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Chara, 2. Green, 3. Weber, 4. Lidstrom, 5. Bouwmeester

Analysis:

Not so surprisingly, this was by far the most difficult award to vote for. It usually is at season's end, too, and will likely continue to be until they split the award into two pieces: The Rod Langway Award for defensive defensemen, and the Bobby Orr award for offensive defensemen. Alas, this is not the case, and Chara will likely take the Norris home for the second consecutive year. Unless people miraculously stop smoking crystal meth and come to the realization that Mike Green is pretty damn good at defense, too.

Vezina (Best Goaltender):

Consensus:

1. Roberto Luongo, Vancouver
2. Steve Mason, Columbus
3. Martin Brodeur, New Jersey
4. Evgeni Nabokov, San Jose
5. Tim Thomas, Boston

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Brodeur, 2. Nabokov, 3. Miikka Kiprusoff, 4. Luongo, 5. Henrik Lundqvist
Red Rover - 1. Luongo, 2. Tomas Vokoun, 3. Jonas Hiller, 4. Brodeur, 5. Nabokov
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Luongo, 2. Mason, 3. Niklas Backstrom, 4. Thomas, 5. Lundqvist
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Mason, 2. Luongo, 3. Thomas, 4. Cam Ward, 5. Semyon Varlamov

Analysis:

It appears time for perhaps the best goaltender on the planet, Roberto Luongo, to get his due. He's never won the Vezina, despite having the credentials year in and year out. We're betting that this is the year he gets it done. Also, note the top three in our consensus: Team Canada has an embarrassment of riches in their crease. I mean seriously...who do you start?

***

So there you have it. Any glaring omissions? You think we're a little too close to Ovechkin's "region"? Did we completely jinx the Caps? Any supplementary thoughts on the upcoming season? Please join us in the comments section...nothing like talking good hockey. Nothing.

Rejoice, Washington! Your MVP Chants Are Safe For Another Season

Two-time Hart Trophy winner Alex Ovechkin. Sure has a nice ring to it, eh? Sure sounds a lot better than Chaka Khan. Who the hell thought that was a good idea?

The Russian Machine took home the NHL regular season's most coveted piece of hardware last night, edging out destroying Pittsburgh's Evgeni Malkin and Detroit's Pavel Datsyuk to become hockey's first back-to-back MVP since Dominik Hasek in 1997-98. No. 8 earned 115 of 133 first place votes. The last time a forward won multiple, consecutive MVP awards? Guy by the name of Gretzky had a nice run of eight straight back in the 80s.

Ovechkin is the first D.C. athlete ever to win consecutive MVP awards in any of the four major sports.

[Reuters, via Capitals Insider]

"I like playing in Canadian cities," Ovechkin said during his acceptance speech. "But right now, my favorite city to play in is Washington." You hear that, Calgary? Your tears only make him stronger.

Ovechkin also took home the Rocket Richard trophy as the league's goal scoring champion, and the Lester B. Pearson Award -- named for Toronto's magnificent airport, of course -- awarded to the league's best player as judged by their on-ice peers. Three trophies in one night? Not a bad haul, though Ovechkin would surely trade all of them for a different, larger trophy.

Things didn't go quite as well for Mike Green, who still looks fucking ridiculous with that droopy mohawk of his. Despite scoring a ridiculous 31 goals as a defenseman and making a pretty compelling case that he could have been an MVP candidate himself, No. 52 came in second to Boston's Zdeno Chara. Though reports on Twitter indicate that the outcome is being disputed, and that the disenfranchised are storming the streets in protest. Or perhaps my Twitter feeds are mixed up. Actually, fuck Twitter.

Here's your complete list of winners from last night.

Watch It: NHL Awards Ceremony Tomorrow Night

Ovechkin is in line to claim both MVP trophies for the second year in a row (Hart and Pearson), and Mike Green is up for the Norris Trophy. In the meantime the two of them are probably out getting accidentally rufied, stealing cop cars and Mike Tyson's bengal tiger, and marrying strippers. Just look at goofie Ovie in this interview. I bet he's still drunk from the night before: