Better Than The Capitals Power Play

This sound.



Yea, I'm completely fucking frustrated.

/Throws Ovechkin bobblehead against the wall which, coincidentally, is WHERE HE SHOULD BE ON EVERY SINGLE MAN ADVANTAGE.

Wale - The Black & Gold, Complete With D.C. Shoutouts Aplenty

Can you spot 'em? I'm going on record saying this song is dope.

D.J. King Will Break His Hand While Breaking Your Face

The newest Capital, D.J. King, is no small cookie. At 6'2" and 221 pounds he's around Alex Ovechkin's size, but instead of scoring highlight-reel goals and pissing off jealous Pittsburgh scrubs and getting with stone cold foxes on boats in Europe, he lets his fists do the talking. Gotta applaud him for that.

He even broke his hand beating the snot out of Krys Barch last season. Dedication to your craft. Toughness in the heat of battle. Bad-freaking-ass.



While I'll miss the somewhat unrealistic hope for a guy like Stefan Della Rovere to become a leader and pest on the Capitals in the near future, he was never gonna be the guy to lay down the law at the NHL level this year when need be. King can be that guy.

I was skeptical at first, but what the hell - he's already off to a good start in my book.

When told what Pittsburgh's Max Talbot had to say about Alex Ovechkin yesterday, King shot back, "Wow. I guess that's not going to be happening too much longer, I guess."

Having your teammate's - and captain's - back AND pissing off fans of a hated rival within hours of joining the team? Sign me up.

Charles Barkley Joins Redskins Nation

Legitimate fanship or just Charles being Charles? Who cares; anything to piss off Eagles fans.



(H/T Hogs Haven)

Capitals Development Camp Fights

Posted this on SBNation DC, but good things come in pairs, right? Right. Or, I'm just lazy.

Okay, so neither are Stephen Davis v. Brian Westbrook or even Tracy Murray vs. Rod Strickland. It's hockey. Fights are (relatively) commonplace, even during development camp.

But let's take two quick looks at what's "okay" and what's "Not okay. At all. EVER."

Okay: two tough guys dropping the gloves, getting their squads fired up, and proving their worth to the coaching staff:



Not okay. At all. EVER: Braden Holtby allowing a goal and then slashing 2010 first round pick Evgeny Kuznetsov in the back of the ankle.



Frequent Japers' Rink commenter Fehr & Balanced put it best:

Whatever Kuznetsov said it was totally inappropriate for Holtby to react like that. He’s one of the guys that knows exactly where he will be playing next year no matter how this week goes. The contact before that wasn’t bad and it looked like he was just frustrated. Not cool.

(HT: Japers for both videos).

Welcome To DC, John Wall (The Superfan Video)

There's a video that's been making its way 'round the interwebz since Thursday, welcoming Wizards No. 1 overall pick John Wall to D.C.

That video can be found on NBA.com and, needless to say, is interesting, professionally done, and features several famous DC personalities.

That's great and all, but I'm a sucker for unintentional comedy. And on the unintentional comedy scale, these three super fans' home video might just take the cake.

Welcome to DC, John Wall.

USA Over Algeria: Unbelievable Video Of Fan Reactions Around The Country

No words. Just watch.

Stephen Strasburg Gives New Meaning To The Term 'Knee-Buckler'

Normally, a pitcher labors through the final outs of any outing. The human arm just wasn't designed to throw a baseball 100 miles per hour repeatedly in a few-hours' span.

Well, Stephen Strasburg isn't your normal pitcher. In his debut, he actually got stronger the further into the game he pitched, evidenced by retiring 10 consecutive batters following Delwyn Young's 2-run HR, the last 7 of which were struck out consectuively.

But take a look at the last batter he faced, Andy LaRoche. The poor third baseman struck out on three pitches:

Pitch 1: 83 MPH curveball (called strike)
Pitch 2: 83 MPH curveball (swinging strike)
Pitch 3: 99 MPH fastball (swinging strike)

It's the last pitch that really sticks out: 99 mile per hour gas on his 94th and final pitch of the ball game? Are you kidding me?!

While the 99 mile per hour heat is surely a joy to watch, it's that first pitch that was so unhittable it was silly.

Thanks to SB Nation's Jeff Sullivan, we have the GIF (click to view animation):

How do those knees feel, Mr. LaRoche?

Jake Arrieta Throws Stinky Cheddar Cheese

Because MASN sucks, I can't embed the video here. Why the hell would they want free advertising on UNBELIEVABLY POPULAR blogs such as this?

So here's the link to a little video profile of Jake Arrieta's pitching repertoire.

He's been impressive this season, to say the least, going 6-2 with a 1.77 ERA in AAA Norfolk in 11 starts.

Can he save the Orioles? Ha, nobody can!

But it's worth noting that he's gassy. He's got that "cheeeeeese. Theeeeeeeeee stinkyyyyyyyyy cheddarrrrrrrrr!"

Habs @ Pens: OMG, Who Do I Root For?!

The Penguins of course, because as a Caps fan, if you root for a team in an important Game 7, all your hopes and dreams will inevitably fall from their comfortable perch on Cloud 9 and shatter into a million tiny little pieces on the asphalt.

But if I root for the Penguins half-heartedly, the Hockey Gods will surely pick up on my agenda and the Penguins will win!

Then root for the Canadiens, so you can trick the Hockey Gods into believing you're a Penguins fan only rooting for the Canadiens because of the Game 7 dream-crushing-asphalt-cloud-9 theory mentioned above. The Canadiens will surely win!

But if I root for the Canadiens to trick the Hockey Gods into believing I'm a Penguins fan masquerading as a Canadiens fan so the Game 7 dream-crushing theory will apply and the Penguins will lose, won't I just piss said Hockey Gods off? The Penguins will surely win then!

Good point; root for the Penguins so as not to offend the Hockey Gods, but at the same time tricking them that you are a Penguins fan masquerading as a Canadiens pretending to root for the Penguins who really wants the Canadiens to win, only because of the aforementioned Game 7 dream-crushing-asphalt-cloud-9 theory.

And if the Hockey Gods figure that out, I'll be shocked. Because not only did I confuse myself and all of you, but surely them too.

Now What?

The slow slog of summer has begun approximately 1.5 months too soon. If you're an insane person like me, you had carved out much of your free time for the next six weeks to allow for fretting by day and watching Caps games by night. I actually planned a bachelor party around the potential dates of the Stanley Cup Parade. So I'm feeling pretty empty right now.

Bill Simmons tweeted before Game 7: "If the Caps blow Game 7, DC vaults past Seattle for Most Depressed Sports City honors." I'd say the crown fits. Wouldn't you?

So, what do we have to look forward to until Redskins training camp begins the miserable cycle of DC sports seasons anew? Here's the quick rundown:

Washington Capitals
June 25-26 draft. Perhaps an exciting trade in the works? I'm thinking sign-and-trade Fleischmann for a bale of hay.

July 1: Free agency begins. Probably gone: Shaone Morrissonn, Brendan Morrison, Joe Corvo, Scott Walker. Possibly gone: Eric Belanger. Hopefully re-signed: Boyd Gordon, Eric Fehr, Jeff Schultz. Hopefully newly signed: Free agent stay-at-home and make-yourself-at-home-in-DC Russian defenseman Anton Volchenkov no later than 12:01 AM July 1.

Other potential intrigue: The kids (including American Hero John Carlson, future blueline fixture Karl Alzner, future next-Dale-Hunter Stefan Della Rovere, future 2nd line center Mattieu Perrault and potential future goalie Braden Holtby) go for a second straight Calder Cup championship with Hershey.


Washington Redskins
Endless RI posts falsely boosting our hopes and dreams for the Shanahan era. They've already started: "Redskins Receivers Should Have Great Success In Shanahan's Scheme." Anyone who buys into posts like this, I have a sex-switching unicorn I'd like to sell you.

Other potential intrigue: The Haynesworth saga: Will he stay or will he go?


Washington Nationals
They're currently above .500. They have good chemistry or something. They also have a pretty big NEGATIVE RED run differential, a sure sign they're in for a fall. Most exciting thing to look forward to: Strasburg's late July call-up. It's only a matter of time before Bodog posts a prop-bet on the over/under date for that inevitable happening. When it does, I'm putting all of my current liquid assets (approximately $312.43 plus a coupon for a free coffee) on the under.

Other potential intrigue: Bumbling ownership group and team President Stan Kasten - what new travesty of mismanagement can they think of next?


Baltimore Orioles
Most recently, they swept the sorry Boston Red Sox. 7-19 and climbing! Wieters is pretty good but not quite savior-esque...yet. Roberts is injured (he's getting old, totally predictable), Jones and Markakis are barely hitting and our best player (Ty Wigginton) is a free-agent cast-off whose hot streak will inevitably end. The AL East crown is theirs to lose.

I'm watching closely the progress of the O's future ace, lefty Brian Matusz. Dude is awesome (3-1 K/BB ratio, 1.34 whip, I think that's good). Rookie of the Year type stuff. I have a man-crush. You should too.

Other potential intrigue: When will the rest of the Cavalry arrive? Chris Tillman just pitched a no-hitter down in AAA. Rad.


Washington Wizards
Ironically, the team I'm least interested in owing to their perpetual sorry state and the waste of time that is rooting for a non-Lebron/Kobe/Howard/Wade/Durant/Duncan NBA team, will provide us with the most interesting moment this summer: the NBA DRAFT LOTTERY!! Where hopes and dreams of NBA teams are either made or shattered for the next decade. Consensus #1 pick John Wall is a franchise-changer in the mold of Dwyane Wade, but with a sweeter high school highlight video and more easily rappable name for Wale to throw into a verse. The Wiz have a 10.3% chance of getting the #1 overall pick.

Barring this miracle, apparently the Wizards have more free agent money than originally thought. That's a nice Plan B in case hinging our entire hopes and dreams on a 1 in 10 chance falls through. I bet they sign LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Kobe Bryant and Joba Chamberlain.

Other potential intrigue: New owner Ted Leonsis changing the uniforms and/or team name back to the red, white and blue? Man do I hope so...probably too soon. Leonsis is too savvy to trample all over a DC icon like Abe Pollin before it's time. But 93% of fans want it and Leonsis is a man of the people so it's happening sooner or later.

***

It's going to be a long summer. In the meantime, enjoy The Human Centipede.

Video: Caps vs. Canadiens, Simplified

You could spin this any number of ways, but here's a sad but true short story I concocted via Youtube Search Stories.




Will it get any better? It better get better, or it's gonna be an insufferably long summer.

Are the Caps in Halak's Head?

At around the 1:45 mark of this interview, Ovechkin stated the following in regards to Montreal goalie Jaroslav Halak:

"I was watching the replay when Fehrsie scored the goal [in Game 2]. And his arm was shaking when he drink water. He is nervous. He knows all the pressure is on him and it's a good sign for us."

I watched the goal highlight again, and sure enough around the 0:16 mark...



Looks like a shaky goalie to me. We'll see if it translates to Halak's home ice too. Safe to say, though, Halak's facing an offensive giant that has awoken from its slumber. And he knows it.

Caps vs. Canadiens: Five Bold Predictions

Perhaps not all of these are bold predictions, but a lot of them are baseless! So I'll format them in bold just in case the distinction isn't clear.

1. The Caps PK unit will surprise you - in a good way.

Second best PP at 21.8% versus 25th ranked PK at 78.8%. Allowing 5 PP goals in 14 opportunities in head to head matchups with the Canadiens on the year. Mismatch, you say? On paper, yes. But something tells me the Caps PK unit will buckle down. It has to. Bruce Boudreau will make the adjustments necessary to thwart the Habs' power play, which will most likely be missing the services of former Cap and PP specialist Glen Metropolit for the entire series, out with a separated shoulder. Jose Theodore will be the Caps' best penalty killer, a little extra motivation not hurting his cause. Which brings me to my next point...

2. Semyon Varlamov will start at least one game.

Not because Theodore will struggle; rather, because Bruce Boudreau has stuck with a system all year, rotating his goalies in and out even during hot streaks, and that system led to 54 wins and a team record 121 points. If it ain't broke, why try to fix it? If I'm a betting man, Varlamov starts Game 3 in Montreal, the site of his NHL debut, a 2-1 Caps victory.

3. Eric Belanger will be a healthy scratch at some point.

He's currently slotted as the 3rd line center between Eric Fehr and Jason Chimera, a role he's well suited for. But Belanger never got into an offensive groove with the Caps, aside from his sweet goal in the last game of the season and a nice cross ice pass to Tomas Fleischman in OT against the Canes. Six points in 17 games while logging over 14 minutes of ice time is a massive underachievement for a guy like Belanger, even if the Caps offense does not necessarily need him to score. With Brendan Morrison likely on the bench for Game 1, Belanger is replaceable should he struggle.

4. The "other Alex" will be the most dominant player on the ice.

Alex Semin's career playoff numbers: 21 games played, 8 goals, 14 assists. The maddening inconsistencies we're accustomed to seeing from Sasha in the regular season usually dissipate in the postseason. As strange as it sounds, he almost seems to relish the physical play in the playoffs. It brings out the best in him because it focuses him. Alex Ovechkin will garner most of the attention, and rightfully so, but Alex Semin will quietly be the Caps best offensive player. Count on it.

5. John Carlson will play like a seasoned veteran.

He has been for quite some time. You'd suspect a rookie in his first playoff experience, especially one with only 22 NHL games to his credit, to make a few mistakes that you simply attribute to youth and nerves. Don't expect this from Carlson. He plays with maturity well beyond his years and is already one of the Caps' top four defensemen (if not higher), even if his minutes don't necessarily reflect this. Without any power play time, don't expect many points. What you should expect are crisp passes, solid defensive positioning, and physical play that make you scratch your head and say, "Why the hell is Tom Poti skating 6 more minutes per night than John Carlson?!" Oh, and maybe just one unbelievably clutch goal.





Bonus Prediction: Caps in 6.


Let's do this. Hanta yo.

Nats/O's: Draft this kid!

Forget Bryce Harper. He's too old. Over the hill. Washed up. Past his prime.

Enter Ariel Antigua, the future of major league baseball. He's only 5 years old (via Deadspin, h/t Doc):



And you're trying to tell me that either of our two area baseball teams wouldn't drastically improve right now with this kid's services? Didn't think so.

Evander Kane: My New Favorite Non-Cap

Because I hate Pittsburgh so much. And because Matt Cooke is a clown. And because karma is a BITCH.




[Note: I am in no way applauding injury here. Cooke skated off on his own power. I am, however, acknowledging a wicked right from one badass hockey player.]

Phenomenal Video

The playoffs. Where Gordon Bombay happens.



(Hat tip to Olmsteazy)

This Is Why People Think Crosby is a Loser

I have to admit, sometimes I don't get the blind hatred for Sidney Crosby. He is a great hockey player and a respected leader of his teams. Recently he's even proven to be clutch. Let's just admit it, mmkay? So when people whine "Crysby" this and "whiny little baby" that, I often shrug my shoulders and go "meh." Maybe it's just the hockey fan in me. But then a moment like tonight's comes along, and I am reminded why people think Sidney Crosby is a loser.

Now, the replay cuts in before we can see what incited #87, so the video is sort of lacking context. But short of Zetterberg slicing Crosby's first-born son to pieces - an impossibility considering that Crosby still lives with uncle Mario - context cannot explain the extent of this childish behavior. All that can explain it is "loserness."



The game is over. Zetterberg's back is turned. Accept defeat and move along. Don't cross-check a guy from behind to start a pointless fight. Ovechkin gets all the grief these days for being "dirty" and "reckless," but he'd never react to a loss like such a sore loser. You'd also never see Ovechkin joining a fight he wasn't involved in...



...nor would you see Ovechkin jump and sucker punch a guy before a face-off (start at 0:36 mark):



I mean really. What a joke. So thank you, Mr. Crosby, for reminding me why I'm supposed to hate you. It'll make Ovechkin's inevitable triumph over you that much sweeter. I'm not even afraid of the jinx anymore. Ovechkin eats jinxes for breakfast and craps victory.

Hoyas Preseason #1 in 2011?

Before the season, I made a preseason prediction that was pretty pissy after last year's turd-sandwich that landed the Hoyas in the NIT. Well you know what? I was pretty damn close with that pissy prediction. I had the Hoyas at 19-11, 5th in the Big East, and a 9th seed in the NCAA tourney. Taking out the last 4 games of the season, the Hoyas went 23-11, were 7th in the Big East, and a 3rd seed in the NCAA tourney. So what do I win for my amazing prediction ability? A depressing, angering, nauseating loss to Ohio in the 1st round of the tourney.......

The game against Ohio was somewhat symbolic of one of the team's biggest problem: that its biggest star has been unable to take over games when he needs to do so. Ohio had no one capable of guarding Greg Monroe, and his stat line ended up looking pretty good, but he should have been force fed down-low. Just a frustrating game, although I can't say I'm too unhappy looking back now, as I wasn't overly optimistic heading into the season.

Which brings me to where my excitement has now been focused......next year's preseason #1 ranked Georgetown Hoyas! For those of you who didn't hear, Greg Monroe stated that he wants to come back next year, despite being a projected lottery pick. We've all had these as famous last words for collegiate athletes, but let's say Monroe's emotions weren't masking his true intentions. The Hoyas do not have single senior on the team, so will bring everyone back barring someone entering the draft. The Hoyas were ranked #14 or 15 going into the tournament, and although we did not live up to that lofty #3 seed, must still be considered about as good as our ranking.

Now look at the teams ahead of us and think how decimated they will be by the draft and graduation; Kansas might lose their 3 best players, Kentucky its best 3, if not 4, players, Syracuse 3 starters, OSU Evan Turner, WVA Da'Sean Butler, etc. My research yielded that the only team ranked ahead of the Hoyas not losing a top-5 scorer is the Butler Bulldogs. Butler has ZERO shot at the #1 preseason ranking and lost to the Hoyas this year, so the teams to worry about are actually Duke, Syracuse, and Ohio State, because they have all done some incredible recruiting. I specifically think Duke will be the other top ranked team, thanks to bringing back Nolan Smith and Kyle Singler, and snagging 2 of the top 18 recruits in the country according to the ESPNU 100.

That said, unless Smith and Singler have incredible tournaments and stay at Duke for next season, no team will have a group as good as the Monroe-Wright-Freeman trio, and the Hoyas will likely have the best starting lineup in the country as well, with a couple recruits to finally build some depth.

We all know what a #1 preseason ranking and being the #1 team earns you in the tourney:

Not to get too far ahead of ourselves.

(Image courtesy of a.espncdn.com and research courtesy of espn.com)

Remembering Greivis Vasquez

Today, the legend of Greivis Vasquez was murdered by some scrub from Michigan State named Korie Lucious, averaging a paltry 4.9 points per game on the season. Suffice to say, GV was one of Maryland's all-time greats.

Let us gather to mourn and to share our fondest memories of the Venezuelan sensation. Leave these in the comments section when you deem yourself psychologically capable, and perhaps we can create some sort of Top 10 list.

I'll start: who could ever forget that swagtastic shimmy shake? Not I, Greivis, not I.



You will be missed. RIP, brotha.