What's Wrong with Matt Wieters? I know.

If you'd asked 2009 Red Rover to fill in the blank: "next season, Matt Wieters will have 5 home runs by ___," I would have answered "the third inning." That we are 67 games and more than 200 at-bats into this season and Wieters has only 5 home runs and a dreadful .230 batting average has me concerned. Not enough to abandon ship like some spineless traitor, but enough to pierce through the protective shield of numbness I have carefully crafted over the past decade of local sporting failure.

Popout.

Luckily, when disappointment of this magnitude strikes me, I have a fail-safe coping mechanism: I rationalize. I think of random stuff that's to blame for the shortcomings of my adopted extensions of self. After all, I'm totally awesome and therefore so are the athletes I root for. So, Matt Wieters, what ails ye?

1.) A strained ligament in the doohicky.
2.) Behind-the-scenes relationship strife with secret lover January Jones.
3.) His hands sting from the powerful fastballs of future aces and stalwart rookies Brian Matusz and Jakie Arrieta.
4.) He is lulling American League pitchers to sleep, poised to break out with a 50 HR second half.
5.) He is saving all of his strength to hit a 49 mile home run that nails Strasburg on the mound in DC that would thereby eliminate that attention-thieving foe and reintroduce Wieters to the local messianic spotlight.
6.) He is actually secretly Ted Leonsis. Man's been busy recently.
7.) He is so respectful of Ovechkin, he will wait until the Great 8 and the Caps get their Cup before he starts his career.
8.) He wants me to start rooting for the Nationals more.

If number 8 is the sole reason, then I guess Matt Wieters is God. Because isn't this EXACTLY like the biblical tests God gives to those Bible guys who have to, like, you know, avoid temptation and whatever? Like that dude who couldn't eat the apple and stuff? Or wasn't there a dude who God sent some once-in-a-generation flamethrowing ace to root for instead of an overhyped catching prospect up the road? I think that was Leviticus. See mom! I paid attention in Sunday school.

Well, GodWieters, I'm trying my damndest. Yet I find myself emotionally investing in the Nats success, and I'm struggling with this dilemma just like Rico Fantastic and Marion's Crackpipe. Although these new feelings come not at the expense of rooting for the O's, I fear someday they might. So throw me a bone here. Or at least make a female companion out of a bone for me, like you did with the apple thief. That would be pretty weird.

Satire Is Fun, Featuring Stephen Strasburg

For those of you who have read this blog since its inception over a year ago, you can probably tell I'm not a religious person. After all, I'm the guy who refers to Matt Wieters as Baseball Jesus, Jeffrey Maier as the antichrist, and Stephen Strasburg as Baseball Jesus II. Periodically, I unintentionally misspell Jesus with Jebus, and also, until two weeks ago, I thought "bible" was a verb that meant to "to drink".

So, for a laid back, non-religious, clearly-going-to-hell guy like me, the following satire from SB Nation Arizona's Justin Burning is hilarious:

After two pretty decent starting performances by Washington Nationals rookie Stephen Strasburg, Christian and Jewish leaders have come together in admitting that their doctrines have been inaccurate to this point.

"As it turns out, Strasburg is actually the messiah," said Pope Benedict XVI. "It's a simple mistake, really. We were looking for the wrong miracles. We all expected walking on water, healing the sick and other similar sorts of shenanigans. But we should have been tipped off by the 100 mph fastball."

The Pope paused briefly to laugh to himself and shake his head before continuing, "Have you seen that thing? It's smokin'. Struck those fools out looking."

Religious folks around the world have begun congregating en mass to determine how Strasburg's ascension to demigod will affect their lives going forward.

Devout Christian Bob Jones said, "Jesus Christ was a fine fellow, but 14 strikeouts? Shit's insane."

Already, Strasburg's followers have begun theorizing about the extent of his abilities.

"I heard his change-up can cleanse the soul of all sin," said Rosa Cortez, attendee of a local Washington D.C.-area Catholic church. "They're also saying he's got a curve ball that heals all physical disease."

Perhaps Strasburg's impact since June 8^th 2010 is best summarized by Rabbi Jacob Horowitz, "We are all better people for having witnessed Strasburg's killer pitching arsenal. It's unreal. Total Major League stuff. Christ. Oops, I mean ... Strasburg."

Be sure to click the full link for the graphic.

Also, I'm pretty sure we can put phrases like "Strasburg's change-up cleanses the soul of all sin" and "His curveball heals all physical disease" up there on the hilarity scale with Wieters Facts.

Oriole Cavalry Update: Hope or Blue Balls?

Don't look now, while the world is busy waiting for pitching Jesus to grace Nationals Park, the Orioles have quietly cut the deficit behind the Astros to 2.5 games.........for last place in the entire league. Although we have the inside track on the #1 pick in 2011, there does not appear to be a Bryce Harper or pitching Jesus. There has to be hope somewhere, right?!?

Let's see, the OPS's of Ma-not-so-kickass, Pacman, and Baseball Jesus, and Nolan Reimold currently sit at .839, .674, and .656 and .639. Nope, those aren't slugging % figures, those are slugging + on-base %......kill me. I've started calling Baseball Jesus "Blue Balls", because I get so excited to watch him hit every time, and all he's brought me is disappointment and pain. Even the O's top-2 hitting prospects are struggling at triple-A!

I do have some hope though, in the form of the cavalry, the O's bevy of pitching prospects that are poised to lead us to the promised land (aka slightly ahead of the Blue Jays). Here is a list of the talented group:

Brian Matusz - After a hot start, he has cooled-down considerably, but is still posting a better than 2:1 K-to-BB ratio, while allowing less than 1 HR every 10 innings. He is still just 23, and still looks like he will be an absolute beast. Now we just need 3-4 more starters and 9 hitters and we'll have something....The nickname Obi-Won for being our only hope still fits pretty damn well.

Brad Bergeson - Huuuuge disappointment here. I didn't exactly have him pinned as a future star, but thought we had a #3-4 starter after last year. His K/BB ratio has plummeted from 2.03 to 0.81, not good. He's also given up 8 HRs in 9 starts, whereas he gave up 11 in 19 starts last year. He is also just 24, but this is a large step in the wrong direction.

David Hernandez - Just put him in the bullpen already, he dominates the minors and gets shelled in the bigs. His funky delivery can only play in the pen.

Chris Tillman - The former #1 prospect of this group pretty thoroughly dominated triple-A to the tune of almost a 4/1 K-to-BB ratio. He still is susceptible to the long ball, which was evident in him giving up 2 HRs in his debut this season, but I know am moderately interested to watch at least 2 out of every 5 O's games.

Jake Arrieta - His star faded a bit last year, but that is a distant memory now. In a recent ESPN Insider article, he was listed as the #9 prospect for the remainder of this season. His K/BB ratio is only slightly below 2.0, but he has made up for it by only allowing 3 HRs in 71 innings of work (or as the ESPN.com guy who probably hasn't watched him play said, 'he's keeping the ball down'). He will be up this season for a look eventually, which will mean all of our 'big 3' will be up, and maybe to stay by the end of the year.

Troy Patton - He has been more of the same at triple-A, a 2:1 K-to-BB ratio and a low KK rate. The problem is that he has been giving up a lot of HRs this year, so is not ready for the bigs just yet, and definitely not ready to be the 4th or 5th starter on the O's next championship team. Yeah, I said it.....He is turning 25 this year, so the clock is starting to tick....

Brandon Erbe - He has a similar line to Patton, but an astounding 0-8 record. Fortunately, that is only slightly worse than the usual record for the MLB O's, so not a concern. He is only 22, but still is likely a bullpen guy long term.

Zach Britton - Arguably a better prospect than Tillman or Arrieta, he is 22 and doing just fine thank you at double-A. He is not ready for the big time, posting just over a 2/1 K-to-BB ratio and 4 HRs allowed in 59.2 innings. Remember that Britton is the same age as Erbe, just without the arm problems and crazy delivery.

It is still hard to say how any of these guys will turn out (see Phil Hughes, Homer Bailey, and any pitching prospect ever), but you still have to think that from Matusz, Tillman, Britton, and Arrieta we have the makings of a strong and cheap future rotation. Now if Blue Balls could go back to being Jesus.....

(Stats courtesy of espn.com, Norfolk Tides website, and Bowie Baysox website. Image courtesy of Baltimoresun.com)

Now What?

The slow slog of summer has begun approximately 1.5 months too soon. If you're an insane person like me, you had carved out much of your free time for the next six weeks to allow for fretting by day and watching Caps games by night. I actually planned a bachelor party around the potential dates of the Stanley Cup Parade. So I'm feeling pretty empty right now.

Bill Simmons tweeted before Game 7: "If the Caps blow Game 7, DC vaults past Seattle for Most Depressed Sports City honors." I'd say the crown fits. Wouldn't you?

So, what do we have to look forward to until Redskins training camp begins the miserable cycle of DC sports seasons anew? Here's the quick rundown:

Washington Capitals
June 25-26 draft. Perhaps an exciting trade in the works? I'm thinking sign-and-trade Fleischmann for a bale of hay.

July 1: Free agency begins. Probably gone: Shaone Morrissonn, Brendan Morrison, Joe Corvo, Scott Walker. Possibly gone: Eric Belanger. Hopefully re-signed: Boyd Gordon, Eric Fehr, Jeff Schultz. Hopefully newly signed: Free agent stay-at-home and make-yourself-at-home-in-DC Russian defenseman Anton Volchenkov no later than 12:01 AM July 1.

Other potential intrigue: The kids (including American Hero John Carlson, future blueline fixture Karl Alzner, future next-Dale-Hunter Stefan Della Rovere, future 2nd line center Mattieu Perrault and potential future goalie Braden Holtby) go for a second straight Calder Cup championship with Hershey.


Washington Redskins
Endless RI posts falsely boosting our hopes and dreams for the Shanahan era. They've already started: "Redskins Receivers Should Have Great Success In Shanahan's Scheme." Anyone who buys into posts like this, I have a sex-switching unicorn I'd like to sell you.

Other potential intrigue: The Haynesworth saga: Will he stay or will he go?


Washington Nationals
They're currently above .500. They have good chemistry or something. They also have a pretty big NEGATIVE RED run differential, a sure sign they're in for a fall. Most exciting thing to look forward to: Strasburg's late July call-up. It's only a matter of time before Bodog posts a prop-bet on the over/under date for that inevitable happening. When it does, I'm putting all of my current liquid assets (approximately $312.43 plus a coupon for a free coffee) on the under.

Other potential intrigue: Bumbling ownership group and team President Stan Kasten - what new travesty of mismanagement can they think of next?


Baltimore Orioles
Most recently, they swept the sorry Boston Red Sox. 7-19 and climbing! Wieters is pretty good but not quite savior-esque...yet. Roberts is injured (he's getting old, totally predictable), Jones and Markakis are barely hitting and our best player (Ty Wigginton) is a free-agent cast-off whose hot streak will inevitably end. The AL East crown is theirs to lose.

I'm watching closely the progress of the O's future ace, lefty Brian Matusz. Dude is awesome (3-1 K/BB ratio, 1.34 whip, I think that's good). Rookie of the Year type stuff. I have a man-crush. You should too.

Other potential intrigue: When will the rest of the Cavalry arrive? Chris Tillman just pitched a no-hitter down in AAA. Rad.


Washington Wizards
Ironically, the team I'm least interested in owing to their perpetual sorry state and the waste of time that is rooting for a non-Lebron/Kobe/Howard/Wade/Durant/Duncan NBA team, will provide us with the most interesting moment this summer: the NBA DRAFT LOTTERY!! Where hopes and dreams of NBA teams are either made or shattered for the next decade. Consensus #1 pick John Wall is a franchise-changer in the mold of Dwyane Wade, but with a sweeter high school highlight video and more easily rappable name for Wale to throw into a verse. The Wiz have a 10.3% chance of getting the #1 overall pick.

Barring this miracle, apparently the Wizards have more free agent money than originally thought. That's a nice Plan B in case hinging our entire hopes and dreams on a 1 in 10 chance falls through. I bet they sign LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Kobe Bryant and Joba Chamberlain.

Other potential intrigue: New owner Ted Leonsis changing the uniforms and/or team name back to the red, white and blue? Man do I hope so...probably too soon. Leonsis is too savvy to trample all over a DC icon like Abe Pollin before it's time. But 93% of fans want it and Leonsis is a man of the people so it's happening sooner or later.

***

It's going to be a long summer. In the meantime, enjoy The Human Centipede.

Not Even Baseball Jesus Can Save the Orioles

Today's game notwithstanding, the Orioles have been absolutely destroyed by their early season schedule and life isn't getting any easier with 12 straight games against the Yankees and Red Sox starting on Friday. Not only are we the worst team in baseball by our 2-11 record, but after only 13 games, we are 2.5 games behind the 2nd-worst team!

We're certainly not 0-18 bad, but here are the quick stats:

• 2nd-worst run differential in the league
• 23rd in OPS
• 17th in ERA
• 26th in batting average against

The huuuge caveat amidst the depression is that this season is about developing our young talent, but our savior, Matt Wieters, has a .673 OPS, 1 homerun, and 0 times impatiently homering from the on-deck circle. Nick Markakis is doing nothing to prove last year was a fluke by posting a .771 OPS, and Adam Jones is at .675. Down on the farm, Chris Tillman is 0-3 with a 8.38 ERA despite a solid K/BB ratio of 10/4 and not allowing any HRs. Jake Arrieta, meanwhile, has a K/BB ratio of 7/6, and Brandon Erbe is 7/4 with a 7.45 ERA.

As far as bright spots, Felix Pie has continued to show he may actually be an okay hitter and major leaguer and our new hope and savior, Brian Matusz has been awesome, leading the AL in K's and trailing only Lincecum in all of MLB, having a K/BB ratio of 23/7, not allowing 1 HR, and improving his ground ball/fly ball out ratio with each game. Billy Rowell has finally started hitting in Frederick, and Zach Britton is off to a good start in Bowie, but that's about it.

We need this Cal Ripken coup ASAP.

(Image courtesy of misterirrelevant.com)

2010 MLB Predictions

Similar to our NHL Preview - which in hindsight was horribly wrong in so many ways - we decided to compile our predictions for the upcoming MLB Season.

I can't decide what I'm more excited for: Matt Wieters & Brian Matusz, Round II, or Stephen Strasburg for the first time. I think when they face off in May during interleague play my head might explode. I'm looking forward to that (especially in light of this Donovan Mcnabb...situation).

On to the predictions, which are listed division by division, followed by playoff predictions and two major individual awards. Feel free to sift through the unimportant stuff (like when the Yankees, Red Sox, or Phillies are listed first at anything).

AL East

Consensus:

1. (tie) Boston
1. (tie) New York
3. Tampa Bay
4. Baltimore
5. Toronto

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Boston, 2. New York, 3. Tampa Bay, 4. Baltimore, 5. Toronto
Red Rover - 1. Boston, 2. Tampa Bay, 3. New York, 4. Toronto, 5. Baltimore
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. New York, 2. Tampa Bay, 3. Boston, 4. Baltimore, 5. Toronto
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. New York, 2. Boston, 3. Tampa Bay, 4. Baltimore, 5. Toronto

Comments:

Baby steps for the O's?! What a sexy pick for 4th place in the AL East, if I may say so myself. And to think, only a few years ago we took 4th place for granted. Ahh, the days when the Rays were the Devil Rays. I refuse to talk about the Red Sox or the Yankees. It's just no fun. You know what else is no fun? This Red Rover character. Have some faith in the O's, bro. They don't need your reverse-jinxing nonsense. Baseball Jesus the First is jinx-proof and you know it.

AL Central

Consensus:

1. Minnesota
2. Detroit
3. Chicago
4. Cleveland
5. Kansas City

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Detroit, 2. Minnesota, 3. Chicago, 4. Cleveland, 5. Kansas City
Red Rover - 1. Minnesota, 2. Chicago, 3. Detroit, 4. Cleveland, 5. Kansas City
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Minnesota, 2. Detroit, 3. Chicago, 4. Cleveland, 5. Kansas City
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Minnesota, 2. Detroit, 3. Cleveland, 4. Chicago, 5. Kansas City

Comments:

I'm the lone ranger when it comes to doubting the Twins. Not because I don't like the Twins or anything (although I will admit a slight bitterness toward Joe Mauer for discovering his power before Wieters bursted on the scene). I just think the Tigers' lineup will generate a ton of runs. Scott Sizemore will be as good as people think and Miguel Cabrera will be sober even better than he has been. I trust their rotation a lot more than the Twins', too. Scott Baker as your ace will never cut it.

AL West

Consensus:

1. Los Angeles
2. (tie) Seattle
2. (tie) Texas
4. Oakland

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Los Angeles, 2. Seattle, 3. Texas, 4. Oakland
Red Rover - 1. Los Angeles, 2. Oakland, 3. Texas, 4. Seattle
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Seattle, 2. Texas, 3. Los Angeles, 4. Oakland
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Los Angeles, 2. Texas, 3. Seattle, 4. Oakland

Comments:

The Angels just might have the best rotation, 1-5, in the Majors. Non-apologies to the Red Sox and Yankees. When Joe Saunders and Joel Pineiro are your #3 and #4, respectively, you have a huge advantage over other teams. Kendry Morales will continue to be awesome, with Torii Hunter and Bobby Abreu providing the veteran presence in the lineup. I don't think the Mariners are that far behind if Erik Bedard can stay healthy, which would give them a formidable top three of King Felix, Cliff Lee, and Bedard. But come on. Bedard cannot and will not stay healthy, so the point's moot.

NL East

Consensus:

1. Philadelphia
2. Atlanta
3. New York
4. Florida
5. Washington

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Philadelphia, 2. New York, 3. Atlanta, 4. Florida, 5. Washington
Red Rover - 1. Atlanta, 2. Philadelphia, 3. New York, 4. Florida, 5. Washington
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Philadelphia, 2. Atlanta, 3. Florida, 4. New York, 5. Washington
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Philadelphia, 2. Florida, 3. New York, 4. Atlanta, 5. Washington

Comments:

Here are a few things for Nats fans to be excited about during the upcoming season: Baseball Jesus the Second's MLB debut, the continued incomprehensible sub-4.00 ERA a-la Jeremy Guthrie from John Lannan, a full season with Nyjer Morgan leading off, and the perennial awesomeness of Ryan Zimmerman. Unfortunately, there are many things Nats fans should be lamenting: Jason Marquis (career ERA 4.48, career WHIP 1.42) masquerading as a staff ace, 38-year old Ivan Rodriguez stealing precious playing time from Jesus Flores, the absence of Jordan Zimmerman, and a manager who has an unfortunate history with pitching phenoms. Other than that, things look great!

NL Central

Consensus:

1. St. Louis
2. Chicago
3. Milwaukee
4. Cincinnati
5. Houston
6. Pittsburgh

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. St. Louis, 2. Milwaukee, 3. Cincinnati, 4. Chicago, 5. Houston, 6. Pittsburgh
Red Rover - 1. St. Louis, 2. Cincinnati, 3. Chicago, 4. Milwaukee, 5. Houston, 6. Pittsburgh
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. St. Louis, 2. Chicago, 3. Milwaukee, 4. Cincinnati, 5. Houston, 6. Pittsburgh
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. St. Louis, 2. Chicago, 3. Milwaukee, 4. Cincinnati, 5. Houston, 6. Pittsburgh

Comments:

Three things you can be certain of in this world: death, taxes, and the Pittsburgh Pirates missing out on the playoffs. And you can take that to the bank.

NL West

Consensus:

1. Los Angeles
2. Colorado
3. San Francisco
4. Arizona
5. San Francisco

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Los Angeles, 2. San Francisco, 3. Colorado, 4. Arizona, 5. San Diego
Red Rover - 1. Colorado, 2. Los Angeles, 3. San Francisco, 4. Arizona, 5. San Diego
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Colorado, 2. Los Angeles, 3. San Francisco, 4. Arizona, 5. San Diego
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Los Angeles, 2. San Francisco, 3. Colorado, 4. Arizona, 5. San Diego

Comments:

The NL West is by far my favorite division in baseball. The presumed top three teams each can make  a legitimate claim as a World Series contender. Three of my favorite players in baseball play in this division: Pablo Sandoval, Matt Kemp, and Troy Tulowitzki. The best pitcher in the history of the world not named Brian Matusz is Clayton Kershaw. Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating. But the race for the NL West will be exciting. It will never outhype that lame Yankees-Red Sox-Rays thing, but I wouldn't be surprised if it came down to the final game of the year for the divisional crown.

Wild Card Picks

Rico Fantastic - New York (AL), San Francisco (NL)
Red Rover - Tampa Bay (AL), Philadelphia (NL)
Marion's Crackpipe - Tampa Bay (AL), Atlanta (NL)
Iafrate's Baldspot - Boston (AL), Chicago (NL)

World Series Picks

Rico Fantastic - Los Angeles Angels over Los Angeles Dodgers
Red Rover - Colorado Rockies over Tampa Bay Rays
Marion's Crackpipe - New York Yankees over Colorado Rockies
Iafrate's Baldspot - New York Yankees over Los Angeles Dodgers

MVP Picks

Rico Fantastic - Alex Rodriguez, NYY (AL); Prince Fielder, MIL (NL)
Red Rover - Carl Crawford, TB (AL); Albert Pujols, STL (NL)
Marion's Crackpipe - Joe Mauer, MIN (AL); Albert Pujols, STL (NL)
Iafrate's Baldspot - Alex Rodriguez, NYY (AL); Ryan Howard, PHI (NL)

Cy Young Picks

Rico Fantastic - Felix Hernandez, SEA (AL); Clayton Kershaw, LAD (NL)
Red Rover - Brett Anderson, OAK (AL); Tim Lincecum, SF (NL)
Marion's Crackpipe - Felix Hernandez, SEA (AL); Roy Halladay, PHI (NL)
Iafrate's Baldspot - Jon Lester, BOS (AL); Roy Halladay, PHI (NL)

FEROCIOUS Beltway Battle for Jesus Moniker?!

 Maybe not ferocious, but it'd be a lot cooler if it was.

DCLS favorite Matt Wieters a.k.a "Baseball Jesus" might have some competition across the beltway in Stephen Strasburg a.k.a..."Baseball Jesus"?

Tim Kurkjian reports:

"It's pretty funny,'' Strasburg said, "[Center fielder] Nyger Morgan called me 'Jesus.'''

It's unclear whether Strasburg will start the season in the minors, which was the original expectation, or if Nat's management might be tempted to give him a spot on the opening day roster.

What is clear, however, is that this nickname thing should sort itself out soon enough. The world - let alone the beltway - ain't big enough for two Jesuses. Or is it Jesusi? Jebuses?

I'll just stop.

Orioles and Nats Offseason Projections

Only 16 days until pitchers and catchers report, so the baseball offseason is amazingly all but over, and we can start getting a good idea of what next season holds for the Birds and Nats.

The biggest news to come out is that Nick Markakis now looks like he plays open mic night at Nanny O'Brien's, but the other news is that Baseball Prospectus just released their team projections for 2010. The highlights are that the 3 best teams all will reside in the AL East, the Yankees will be the 3rd best team in the entire league but miss the playoffs, and the Nats are projected to jump up to 82 wins! The Orioles? BP has the birds at a respectable 79 wins, which is impressive when the strength of the competition is considered.

The other exciting news is that Keith Law just ranked the O's farm system as #6 in the league, despite Baseball Jesus and Chris Tillman not counting in that ranking due to their 'graduations'. If that 1 guy and 1 god are included, the O's could very easily be #1 on that list. The bad news is that the Yankees still reside in New York, and the Red Sox and Rays have the #2 and #3 systems. The other bad news is that the Nats sit all the way down at #23.

Law also ranks the top-100 prospects overall, with Strasbourg #2 overall, Oriole Brian Matusz #11, Oriole Zach Britton #25, Nat Derek Norris #31, Oriole Josh Bell #61, Oriole Jake Arrieta #90, and Nat Drew Storen #92. Law also notes that future Nat SS Ian Desmond narrowly missed the top-100.

So where does this leave us? First, I have a new respect for Nick the Greek because of that savage beard. Second, Orioles will not surprisingly again toil below the MLB elite, who happen to reside in the same division. Finally, 2011 is still a big year for the O's, but the Red Sox, Yankees, and Rays are all still better positioned (just wait until Joe Mauer is a Yankee in 2011), so expectations should be tempered, except for one thing.............we've got Wieters.........

(Image courtesy of misterirrelevant.com)

O's: A Growing Threat in AL East

A few days ago, Jeff Passan of Yahoo! Sports wrote a great piece on the emerging Baltimore Orioles, with mentions of the Balticore, The Cavalry, and of course, DCLS favorite Baseball Jesus.

Here's an excerpt below, but be sure to check out the the entire article. Promising stuff.

The praise, almost universal, always comes with a disclaimer. Scouts love the Baltimore Orioles. They want to peg them as baseball’s great darkhorse of 2010, the latest team that can turn homegrown talent into long-term success. Only the scouts won’t go so far, not without a seven-word postscript.

If only they weren’t in that division.

Such is life in the American League East, baseball’s iron maiden, where even the most well-run upstart finds itself trapped underneath the enormity of the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox. The Orioles have spent a dozen miserable seasons thrashing about, the vortex of mismanagement sucking the life out of what once stood as a model franchise. And only now, under general manager Andy MacPhail’s stewardship, is the cannonball hole in the bow fixed and the ship ready for righting.

Oriole Season Recap: Are We Still on Track to Contend?

So I was flipping through the channels the other day and lo and behold, the baseball playoffs had started. Which is funny because you know what I haven't done since 1997?........Watch my team play postseason baseball..........The start of the postseason signals the end of the season for the O's and Nats, so it is high time we wrote our season recaps.

I have gone back and forth about the O's this year. As hard as it sounds, you have to look past the 98 losses and only examine the core young players who will be with the team in a few years. All that matters from this season is not the epic ineptitude of Jason Berken, but rather the individual performances of players such as Baseball Jesus, Nick Markickass, and Chris Tillman. For quite some time, the realistic expectation for this team has been to reach the playoffs come 2011. In order to avoid wasting time with the Melvin Mora's, I will go player-by-player amongst the guys we think might be a part of the next great Orioles team.

***

Brian Roberts - Here is the best Oriole from 2009. He pretty much lapped the field in Baseball Prospectus' VORP, which is his value, in runs, over a replacement level player at the same position. He finished as the 5th best 2B in baseball, but VORP only accounts for hitting, and Roberts' fielding fell off a cliff last year. This leads me to the biggger point: Roberts is clearly a good player, but he will be 32 at the start of next season. That means he will be 33 at the start of our hopeful Oriole revival season. So...can we count on him? His trade value diminishes by the minute, but that does not mean trading him is the wrong move. He suffered his first drop in OPS since his post age-27 season (his career year, and career year for most baseball players), and could be headed straight for mediocrity next season. His Baseball Prospectus (BP) projections next season will be interesting, but I am skeptical that he will help the team much in 2 years.

Nick Markickass - We may have to remove the "kickass" from his name soon enough. This is a guy who has taken dramatic leaps forward in production each of the past 2 years, and was another dramatic leap from literally being an MVP candidate, according to BP before this season. Well, about that leap......this year he lept backward. He was not a bad player by any stretch, but was the 14th best RF by VORP, which is the definition of mediocore. This was a time when he was supposed to be improving, so it was particularly hard to stomach. His struggles were not limited to the plate either; after being one of the better RFers in the league, he dropped to slightly below average. Nick the Greek will still only be 26 at the start of next season, and presumably in his peak year in 2011, so there is still a lot of room for growth, and he should be a 'good' player on the O's for many years. The question has now become whether this year is an aberration, or has his ceiling dropped a bit to the point that he will only be a part of the next great O's team as apposed its centerpiece?

Adam Jones - His phenomenal start to the season led many to think he was having his breakout year, but that lasted about as long as I do in bed. Jones' performance declined by month and he ultimately finished the season on the DL. His fielding has remained a huge plus, and should get better with age. The final result was a solid year, but one that did not live up to the expectations he created with that hot start. That said, the performance is not bad, and he is still on track to be a great player. He is only one year younger than Markickass, and this past season has raised the same question about whether he will be very good, or great. In the meantime, I have been trying to figure out a nickname for him that is not "Pacman". My so-bad-it's-funny idea is "The Carpenter"...because he has all the tools...

Baseball Jesus (Matt Wieters) - We covered his season pretty thoroughly recently, so I will keep this as brief as I can. His slow start caused me a lot of sleepless nights, but he heated up and finished as one of the top catchers in baseball. He is only 23, so what does the future hold? He is clearly on track to be fixture in the midsummer classic, but what about the absurd ceiling that last year's minor league performance created? For those of you who (unlike me) don't think about Matt Wieters during your most intimate moments, he had the best season of any pro baseball player in the last 40 years, at any level. While his first major league season was very good, his ceiling has dropped a bit from the once-in-a-generation talent that impatiently homers from the on-deck circle. Nevertheless, he is still a special player and will be a leader on the 2011 team, so feel free to purchase a Wieters jersey and ponder whether his granite balls chafe, or are sanded to a glossy finish so that they swish gently across his knees.

Nolan Reimold - Aha, finally a guy who exceeded expectations. Reimold looked like a future solid LFer before this season, but had a huge season and now looks to be much better than just solid. This year he was already in the top-half of MLB LFers, with the only downside being that he is already 26, so his growth potential is not as great as the others. He is also not a good fielder, but can at least be spotted by Felix Pie in late innings.

Josh Bell - If watching George Sherril move on to more successful pastures made you upset, take heart in that we got a very good prospect in return who looks very much like our 3B of the future.

Brandon Snyder - After dominating double-A ball he had some struggles in triple-A, but still looks like a major leaguer in the near future. He lacks superstar potential, but the O's will be more than happy if he can hold down the regular 1B job.

Chris Tillman and Brian Matusz - We covered these guys througout the season and while it is hard to judge young pitchers, Matusz appeared to live up to the hype as Tillman seemed a bit shaky. Both of these guys are still on track to be front-line starters, however, so let's just hope for a little more Justin Verlander and a little less Phil Hughes.

Jake Arrieta - He had a somewhat dissapointing season, lagging behind Matusz and Tillman, but his upside has merely dropped from a number 2 to number 3 starter, so no big concerns here.

Brad Bergeson - I had to include him after having the biggest breakout season on the team this year. He is 23 and was probably the best rookie pitcher in baseball after J.A. Happ, Tommy Hanson, and Andrew Bailey until injury shortened his season. He may not be a future star but is an example of the ability of the Oriole army of pitching prospects to fill out a very good and very cheap rotation in the very near future.

Zach Britton - This guy was not even listed in BP's 2009 book, but has arguably become the best non-MLB prospect in the organization. He still has a ways to go but looks to be a future MLB starter.

***

Here is how the 2011 (and beyond) Orioles are shaping up:

C - Matt Wieters

1B - Brandon Snyder

2B - Brian Roberts?

3B - Josh Bell

SS - ?

LF - Nolan Reimold

CF - Adam Jones

RF - Nick Markickass

Utility - Felix Pie

DH - ?

SP1 - Brian Matusz

SP2 - Chris Tillman

SP3 - Zach Britton

SP4 - Jake Arrieta

SP5 - Brad Bergeson

RP - Brandon Erbe

***

As you can see, we have almost an entire cheap team in place, which leaves a lot of money to fill only a few holes. There is almost no doubt that this will be a solid team, with a potentially elite pitching staff and Wieters, Markickass, and Jones the offensive centerpieces. The question is whether this team will be solid or perhaps great enough to compete with the Yankees, Rays, and Red Sox? From where I stand I see a lot of good players, but when the Yank's roll out A-Rod, Jeter, Texeira, etc. you need more than just good. Wieters is on the cusp of superstardom, but he appears to be the only potential elite hitter in this lineup, meaning the team may have to be carried by its pitching staff.

The biggest hurdle for the O's may be that they have to play the Yankees and Red Sox 18 times each per season. Their record against those teams last year was 7-29! If they had played those two teams as well as they did the rest of the league, they would have had another seven wins. Those seven extra wins would have only pushed 'em to 71 wins last season. A team needs about 85 wins to get into the playoffs, so having 71 last year, and conservatively projecting a six win per year improvement over the next two seasons puts the O's at 83 wins in 2011 - and right in the playoff race.

Unfortunately, the Yankees and Red Sox have shown no signs of falling back to earth, and we only won 64 games, not the 71 we would have won in this theoretical world where my life as a baseball fan does not suck. After years of endless 'rebuilding', even a solid team would be a joy to watch. But I still hold out hope that this team could reach much greater heights.

[Image courtesy of nachofoto.com]

Is It Hot In Here, Or Is It Baseball Jesus?

The steaming pile of crap that is the Redskins has made me turn my attention to something slightly more uplifting...

...the Orioles.

[Side note: 60-95 is more encouraging than 1-2? This is the depth of my depression?? Epic fail.]

While everyone was busy giving up on the O's, something magical and previously unthinkable happened: Felix Pie became a major league hitter!

But in addition to that, and 354 times more importantly, there was a crucial development regarding the long-term future of the franchise: Matt Wieters became hot like fire. Or like Jim Zorn's seat. Zing?!

If you're like me, you've been religiously checking Oriole box scores the entire season for one thing and one thing only, that being Wieters' stats. Since his arrival, though, his play had been nowhere near the hype, leading to these types of painful interchanges between my buddy Eric, a Yankees fan, and myself:

Eric: Dude, so this is the savior of Orioles baseball? Ha!
Me: Just wait...

Eric: Haha, you took down the "Wieters Watch" on your site?! What happened? He must really be stinkin' up the joint. And I mean like taking dumps behind home plate.
Me: Yea well it was, uh, crowding the, uh, you know, the page...

Eric: Haha oh man, even Jesus Montero is better than Wieters. Your guy ain't gonna make it. He's too tall and moves around too much behind home plate. Joe Mauer with power? I'd rather have ZAUN.
Me: Crap...


Well, Eric, meet reality. Wieters' play recently has not only confirmed his place as one of the Orioles' best hitters, but it has him firmly entrenched in the upper echelon of major league catchers.

Here is a look at Wieters' progression throughout the season (statistics through Saturday; click to enlarge):


What a difference a few months make, huh? His .289 BA ranks 6th in the majors and 4th in the AL among catchers with at least 300 at bats. Among AL rookies? It's the best in the league. Who's got two thumbs and needs Viagra when considering those numbers? Not this guy.

Extrapolate those totals to 162 games you're looking at 15 HR and 71 RBI - by no means spectacular numbers, but surely something for a rookie to build on, especially when every accomplishment this year is purely a bonus. And while AL Rookie of the Year honors seem out of the question at this point (see: Jeff Niemann and Rick Porcello), a nomination appears more than realistic (see: subpar AL rookie class).

Perhaps the most interesting aspect of Wieters' game is that he hits from both sides of the plate. Yet, looking at those splits, it's apparent where he's more comfortable (click to enlarge):


While the big guy hasn't consistently shown the raw power everyone hoped to see, dingers like these have me confident he won't merely be a singles hitter his entire career. And that when Wieters does a pushup, he is not pushing himself up, he is pushing the earth down.

So, zingers aside, what does this all mean for Oriole baseball? Will they compete next year?

Not a chance!

But with Wieters, the Cavalry, Pacman, and Markickass, they have what the Redskins sorely lack in a place it's needed most: a fantastic core of young players in the league's best division. Both teams are in last place, but they appear headed in opposite directions.

And in a completely non-related story, Joe Mauer just purchased his first pair of Matt Wieters pajamas.

[Ed. Note: More advanced statistical analysis to come following the season from DCLS Stat Guru, Marion's Crackpipe.]

(Image courtesy of weblogs.baltimoresun.com)

Loser Red Sox Fans Leave Camden Yards in Shame After Historic O's Comeback: Birds 11, Sawx 10

That made my week.

Nick Markickass hit a go-ahead two-run double in the bottom of the 8th to cap the O's 9 run comeback Tuesday night, the largest since the franchise became the Baltimore Orioles. And it couldn't have come against a better team, literally, karmically and schadenfreude-ally.

The Sawx thought they had this in the bag and were all smug about it. In the bottom of the 5th 6th they jogged back to the dugout after two outs thinking it was their turn to bat, and had a teeheehahahahhaLOL good laugh about the blunder, but not so fast you arrogant fucks. A pair of five-run Orioles innings in the 7th and 8th did them in, and it felt great. That kind of abrupt explosion usually does for me.

And Wieters was a part of it this time. In an eerie repeat of a recent scenario against the Mets, he came to the plate with the bases loaded and the O's down 10-6. Tonight he came through with the RBI single instead of a GIDP to cut the Sawx lead to 3. Clutch.

The O's won't be contenders for awhile, so these are the kinds of wins we cherish in the meantime: 10-run comebacks with hordes of invading fans in the stands dying a little on the inside. And that's the beauty of baseball, isn't it? Watching the enemy die on the inside slowly and painfully during hour long 8th innings. It must have felt like forever for them. I don't know what that's like, because I root for a team that only gives up 6-run leads usually.

[Image via AP/Nick Wass]

Obligatory Matt Wieters Update

Baseball Jesus' season splits, courtesy of ESPN and the buttons on my keyboard that when pushed together perform a "print screen" function:


He's clearly starting to get big league pitching, and he seems to be more comfortable (at least based on these stats) from the left side of the plate. It took a little longer than expected, but as we mentioned earlier, anything he does this year is purely a bonus.

If he continues to play like he has the past week - .333/.368/.778, 2 HR, 6RBI, and one clutch rally-starting double - for an extended period of time, I see no reason why he can't walk away with AL Rookie of the Year Honors.

And here I am getting ahead of myself.

You're Welcome, Matt

[image via espn.com]

DC Landing Strip's reverse jinx post helps Wieters slam first homer, RBIs of Major League career. O's 6 - Mets 4.

Wieters' First 50 ABs: A Little Less Alex Gordon, A Little More Ryan Braun Please

Tuesday night, bottom of the 9th, O's down 6-2 to the Mets. Matt Wieters steps to the plate with the bases loaded and no outs. He can tie the game with one swing, but I'm looking for him to just put the ball on the ground at least and collect his first RBI or two.

WHIFF city, as K-Rod works the kid. Strikeout. O's lose 6-4.

Optimism is the name of the game at the DC Landing Strip, but through his first 47 at-bats Matt Wieters is not exactly living up to the hype. Is this a case of a kid feeling out major league pitching? Or are we looking at a...gulp...bust?

Here's how Wieters stacks up through his first 48 at-bats compared to the debuts of other Top 5 Baseball America prospects over the past 5 seasons (click to enlarge):


There are some perennial All-Stars on this list (Braun, Longoria, Mauer, Bruce, Zimmerman), some guys who have been "solid" and seem to be staying that way (Upton, Weeks, D. Young), some guys who are creeping towards "bust" status (Ian Stewart, Alex Gordon) and two rookies this year for whom it's way too early to tell. Wieters is on the edge between the busts and the solid players here, as far as MLB starts go.

Most troubling, perhaps, is his lack of power and poise. Not a single RBI? Even Alex Gordon mustered two surrounded by a dreadful Royals lineup, and only the "busts" on this list had smaller on-base percentages and only Gordon had a smaller slugging % (granted, it's a relatively arbitrary and small sample). His at-bat against K-Rod Tuesday with the game in his hands was just brutal.

His patience at the plate though, is impressive: 4.44 pitches/plate appearance, which would be 2nd in the MLB if he qualified for the list. And the O's could desperately use some of that, as they've been notorious hackers in previous seasons.

So what do you think? Still adjusting? Nervous? No lineup protection? Will he turn it around?

[Image via Baltimoresun.com]

Nats Sign #10 Pick at a Bargain, Lose; O's Just Lose

Per Nationals Journal:

In 2007, the No. 10 pick, high school lefty Madison Bumgarner (Giants), received a bonus of $2 million. Then there's the No. 10 pick from 2006, also a selection by the Giants. His bonus? $2.025 million. His name? Tim Lincecum.

This year's #10 pick, Drew Storen, received a measly $1.6 million bonus from the Nats and will likely starve to death. This sort of drop-off was to be expected, though, as the Nats are familiar with Storen's agent and the economy is in the crapper. Not that the Boras/Strasburg duo will care.

Meanwhile on the field, some pitches were thrown, bats were swung, and la-dee-da the Nats lost 4-2 in 12 innings. One step closer to drafting next year's baseball phenom! Oh and the O's lost too, of course. Although Wieters' bat is coming alive, as he's 4 for 7 in his last two games.

The O's and Nats have now combined for 16 losses in the last 12 days and are the worst teams in both the AL and NL, respectively. Welcome to summer! Redskins training camp starts July 30th.

[Image via Washington Post]

O's 1, M's 0: All You Need is One

All you need is one.

-"Cock Pushups," Tenacious D

Rich Hill tossed a beauty, the bullpen didn't fuck it up, and that was all the O's needed to earn their 8th W in eleven games. They're now 6-6 in one-run games, and good on them for pulling out a close one on their 14th game in as many nights.

O's Prez Andy MacPhail must be psyched - he almost traded Brian Roberts for Hill and 1st round bust Felix Pie last season - and was saved by the Cubs' overconfidence in the pair. But that crafty crafterson managed to snag them both this offseason anyways and Hill looked like Barry Zito (circa 2002) with that crazy rainbow lefty curveball thingy.

But we can't give MacPhail too much credit because the new catcher, if you've heard, is pretty awesome at everything. O's pitchers are now 2-1 with a 2.00 ERA, 23 Ks and just 4 BBs with Wieters behind the plate. He is a dream pitching target at 6' 5" and his ice cold demeanor is contagious. Buck Martinez noted last night, and it's worth repeating, that he has a knack for understanding a pitcher's pace and rhythm, doesn't waste time calling pitches, and the result is a pitcher finding his groove. It's a pleasure to watch.

And though he had another 0'fer night at the plate, according to the law of averages he is due to go 47 of his next 55 with 19 HR and 400 RBI. That would probably break some kind of record.

Tonight: Adam Jones gets to homer off trade counter-piece and former O's ace Erik Bedard.

[AP Photo via ESPN.com]

ZAUN Replacement Screws Up Royally in Debut

Hitless in four at-bats? I guess even Baseball Jesus has his off days.

But before everyone hops on the "Trade ZAUN, and then trade Wieters for ZAUN" bandwagon, being built by inbred retards in a galaxy far far away, put his debut in perspective:

If your off day consisted of getting a standing ovation before your first at-bat, calling a great game on your own because the manager doesn't call pitches from the dugout, single-handedly attracting 15,000 extra fans to watch your team's baseball game, winning said baseball game, all the while looking like a serious stud, would you (or your fans for that matter) have anything to complain about?

I think not.

Although it'd be nice if he hit for at least one cycle tonight.

[Image via the Baltimore Sun]

Ummmmm...

'He Is The Switch-Hitting Jesus'

That headline comes straight from the reputable pages of ESPN.com, not MattWietersFacts.com or Baltimore's very own Druid Hill Housing Project.

On a serious note, aside from Kurt Warner (who talks to) and God Shamgod (who's named after), has there ever been a professional athlete compared to Jesus?!?!

Thanks to God and RichardDawkins.net for the image

March of the Prospects Continues: O's Sweep Jays thanks to Reimold's 3-run Walk-Off

It's a walk-off.

Rookie LF Nolan Reimold (4 HRs in 13 games!?!) blasted a 3-run shot in the bottom of the 11th to send the reeling Jays back to Toronto with their 9th straight loss. That's the second day in two in which a rookie Oriole totally kicked some Blue Jay butt, after pitching prospect Jason Berken gave up 2 runs in 5 IPs to beat the Jays on Tuesday. Reimold, quite the bargain at his $0 salary this year (no wonder Angelos likes him) is making O's fans forget about Larry Bigbie and salivate over the prospect of a Markickass, Jones, Reimold outfield for the next decade.

Fellow rookie and baseball volunteer (really, ESPN? $0 salaries?) David Hernandez is set to make his pitching debut tomorrow against Detroit, marking the 47th time this year an O's pitching prospect has debuted thanks to their historically shitty starting rotation. But as they say, necessity is the mother of invention, and the O's are currently inventing a dynasty built on a rich prospect pool and Baseball Jesus. You listening Lerner?

Oh and for the heathens out there, Baseball Jesus = Matt Wieters, and if you haven't yet found a branch at which to worship yet consider the Landing Strip your newest freshest connection to Him. Did we mention we're excited for Friday?

[Pic via AP by way of ESPN.com]