Wizards Biggest Win Since 1978

The Wizards won the 2010 NBA Draft Lottery. They had a 10% chance (5th best odds). That means that something unexpected and good happened to DC sports, instead of predictable and bad. I am speechless. Thus the short sentences and lack of exclamation points. John Wall, welcome to DC.

Sidney Crosby is a Choke Picasso

So let's get this straight.

Ovechkin scored 5 goals, 5 assists and was a +5 against the Canadiens in 7 games, before bowing out in Game 7 at home in a tight one-goal game. The Caps blew a 3-1 series lead. As a result, notable national media members called Ovechkin a choke artist (Wilbon, on PTI).

Crosby scored 1 goal, 4 assists and was a -1 against the Canadiens in 7 games, before bowing out in Game 7 at home while being dominated 5-2, in which he took an awful penalty early allowing Montreal to open the scoring with a PP goal. The Pens blew a 3-2 series lead. Notable national media members have yet to weigh in. So allow me to fill in the gap.

If Ovechkin's performance makes him a choke artist, and Crosby's performance was marginal - nay, fractional - by comparison, and against the same Canadiens team playing WITHOUT THEIR 4 BEST DEFENSEMEN, doesn't that make Crosby a CHOKE PICASSO!?!? You know my answer.

Sidney Crosby: Choke Picasso. Seen with two of his lesser-known works: Malkin and Fleury.

UPDATE: Since the point of this post is being horribly misconstrued, I'll state it explicitly: it's absurd to pin team successes and failures on one player, isn't it? You can't give Crosby the credit for winning a Cup and a Gold in order to deride Ovechkin for choking, unless you're also willing to blame Crosby entirely for the Pens losing. There is a logical fluidity here that the anonymous fly-by Pens fans are having trouble with in the comments. Consider yourself learned.

Habs @ Pens: OMG, Who Do I Root For?!

The Penguins of course, because as a Caps fan, if you root for a team in an important Game 7, all your hopes and dreams will inevitably fall from their comfortable perch on Cloud 9 and shatter into a million tiny little pieces on the asphalt.

But if I root for the Penguins half-heartedly, the Hockey Gods will surely pick up on my agenda and the Penguins will win!

Then root for the Canadiens, so you can trick the Hockey Gods into believing you're a Penguins fan only rooting for the Canadiens because of the Game 7 dream-crushing-asphalt-cloud-9 theory mentioned above. The Canadiens will surely win!

But if I root for the Canadiens to trick the Hockey Gods into believing I'm a Penguins fan masquerading as a Canadiens fan so the Game 7 dream-crushing theory will apply and the Penguins will lose, won't I just piss said Hockey Gods off? The Penguins will surely win then!

Good point; root for the Penguins so as not to offend the Hockey Gods, but at the same time tricking them that you are a Penguins fan masquerading as a Canadiens pretending to root for the Penguins who really wants the Canadiens to win, only because of the aforementioned Game 7 dream-crushing-asphalt-cloud-9 theory.

And if the Hockey Gods figure that out, I'll be shocked. Because not only did I confuse myself and all of you, but surely them too.

Nats and O's, By the Numbers

Raise your hand if you predicted that the Nats would be three games above .500 and two games out of first place in the NL East by May 10, with their best player missing 8 games, their second best player working his way through the minors, and an imposing opening schedule to boot.

Put your hand down - you're lying and nobody can see you anyway.

What makes the Nationals' early season success so interesting is that they've seemingly switched places with the Orioles, known for their early season hot starts and infamous for their late season collapses. The Orioles sit 30th among 30 MLB teams at the moment and the season's only relative bright spot, Brian Matusz, got lit up yesterday.

How do the Nats keep winning ball games? I'm gonna unscientifically say timely hitting interspersed with the occasional quality start and an absolutely LETHAL late inning pitching combination, courtesy of Tyler Clippard and Matt Capps.

For fun, I decided to compare the Nationals and Orioles in terms of their places in the standings and their offensive and pitching statistics. MLB rankings are applied in parentheses where appropriate (click tables to enlarge).

The Nats are 2 games behind the Phillies in the NL East and 1.5 games behind the Giants for the NL Wild Card; the Orioles are 13.5 games behind the Rays in the AL East and 13 games behind the Yankees for the AL Wild Card.

**BONUS Fun Fact: The Orioles have the 2nd worst home record and the worst road record in the MLB!

Now a look at the teams' offensive outputs (ed. note: the O's actually have 107 runs but I'm too lazy to go back and fix the tables):

Both teams are far from elite offensively, but the Nats are getting on base at a much higher rate and manufacturing a lot of runs because of that. Ten of the Orioles' 30 HR have come off the bat of journeyman Ty Wigginton. Expect a regression to the mean from that guy fairly soon.

**BONUS Fun Fact: The Orioles are hitting .220 with runners in scoring position (29th in MLB) and the Nats are hitting .264 (12th in MLB)!

Finally, some pitching statistics:

Only one thing stands out here, and you can't underestimate its importance: the Nats are 13/17 in save opportunities compared to the Orioles' 6/12 mark. How many consecutive years have the bullpens of these clubs been their Achilles heels? Too many for me to even try to count. Tyler Clippard and Matt Capps have solidified the back end for the Nationals. Mike Gonzalez has solidified his position as Dany Baez 2.0 for the Orioles, a solid relief pitcher who cashed in on a good contract year and couldn't handle 9th inning pressure.

**BONUS Fun Fact: Mike Gonzalez is worthless!

***

Can the Nats keep this up? Let's hope so. Can the O's turn things around? Probably not.

But we have all summer to do nothing but find out. Thanks, Caps.

Do You Remember April 18, 2006?

You probably don't, and I don't blame you.

So I was sitting in the bar with my buddy from Boston last night watching the Celtics wrap up Game 1 with the Cavs, and this comes out of his mouth in my direction:

"Celts waan, B's waan, Sax waan. Great frickin' day fa Baaaaston spaarts."

Translation:

"The Celtics and Bruins are doin' work in the postseason, the best is yet to come for the Red Sox, and you can go screw yourself."

I was so jealous. The Caps and Wizards are currently working on their short games and, while the Nats have been a pleasant surprise thus far and appear to be on the right track, they aren't exactly championship material.

So I got to thinking: when was the last time the Nats, Wizards, and Caps all won on the same day? Scheduling presents obvious obstacles - barring playoff runs by both hockey and basketball teams, the three would only have a few weeks at the beginning of the baseball season to simultaneously emerge victorious. I did a little research and found the answer.

I guess the title of this post is what you'd call a spoiler, but you got it: April 18, 2006. The winningest day in DC professional sports in the last five years.

Wizards: Gilbert Arenas scored 43 points and added 5 assists and 4 steals as the Wizards beat the Bucks, 116-103, inching closer to clinching that "coveted" 5th seed in the Eastern Conference. Why is coveted in quotes? Because the 4 seed Cleveland Cavaliers were waiting, and we all know how that went. Still, it's funny to read the AP recap's theory at the time: "Fifth is important because no one wants to face one of the top three seeds when Cleveland, returning to the playoffs after an eight-year absence, is an available opponent at No. 4."

Nationals: Ryan Church (OMG, flashback) went 2 for 5 with a HR and 4 RBI, Ryan Zimmerman went 2 for 5 with 3 RBI, and Tony Armas, Jr. (OMG, flashback) pitched 6 solid innings as the Nats beat the Phillies, 10-3. The Nats pulled to 5-9 on the season with the victory and would end the year 71-91.

Capitals: The final game of the season for the Caps was a doozy, beating the playoff bound Tampa Bay Lightning - the defending Stanley Cup Champs, no less - by a score of 4-1. Alex Ovechkin wrapped up his Rookie of the Year campaign with his 54th assist of the season, putting him at 106 points. Also picking up points on the night? A few of these should elicit a chuckle or two: Jeff Halpern, Brian Willsie, Ben Clymer, Nolan Yonkman, Brooks Laich, Steve Eminger, Dainus Zubrus, and Matt Bradley.

***

So there you have it. Not quite the greatest day in DC sports history. Nope, not even close. But perhaps the most complete in quite some time.

And finally, to answer the question on all your minds, April 18, 1025, was also the day that Bolesław I Chrobry was crowned in Gniezno, becoming the first King of Poland.

Now What?

The slow slog of summer has begun approximately 1.5 months too soon. If you're an insane person like me, you had carved out much of your free time for the next six weeks to allow for fretting by day and watching Caps games by night. I actually planned a bachelor party around the potential dates of the Stanley Cup Parade. So I'm feeling pretty empty right now.

Bill Simmons tweeted before Game 7: "If the Caps blow Game 7, DC vaults past Seattle for Most Depressed Sports City honors." I'd say the crown fits. Wouldn't you?

So, what do we have to look forward to until Redskins training camp begins the miserable cycle of DC sports seasons anew? Here's the quick rundown:

Washington Capitals
June 25-26 draft. Perhaps an exciting trade in the works? I'm thinking sign-and-trade Fleischmann for a bale of hay.

July 1: Free agency begins. Probably gone: Shaone Morrissonn, Brendan Morrison, Joe Corvo, Scott Walker. Possibly gone: Eric Belanger. Hopefully re-signed: Boyd Gordon, Eric Fehr, Jeff Schultz. Hopefully newly signed: Free agent stay-at-home and make-yourself-at-home-in-DC Russian defenseman Anton Volchenkov no later than 12:01 AM July 1.

Other potential intrigue: The kids (including American Hero John Carlson, future blueline fixture Karl Alzner, future next-Dale-Hunter Stefan Della Rovere, future 2nd line center Mattieu Perrault and potential future goalie Braden Holtby) go for a second straight Calder Cup championship with Hershey.


Washington Redskins
Endless RI posts falsely boosting our hopes and dreams for the Shanahan era. They've already started: "Redskins Receivers Should Have Great Success In Shanahan's Scheme." Anyone who buys into posts like this, I have a sex-switching unicorn I'd like to sell you.

Other potential intrigue: The Haynesworth saga: Will he stay or will he go?


Washington Nationals
They're currently above .500. They have good chemistry or something. They also have a pretty big NEGATIVE RED run differential, a sure sign they're in for a fall. Most exciting thing to look forward to: Strasburg's late July call-up. It's only a matter of time before Bodog posts a prop-bet on the over/under date for that inevitable happening. When it does, I'm putting all of my current liquid assets (approximately $312.43 plus a coupon for a free coffee) on the under.

Other potential intrigue: Bumbling ownership group and team President Stan Kasten - what new travesty of mismanagement can they think of next?


Baltimore Orioles
Most recently, they swept the sorry Boston Red Sox. 7-19 and climbing! Wieters is pretty good but not quite savior-esque...yet. Roberts is injured (he's getting old, totally predictable), Jones and Markakis are barely hitting and our best player (Ty Wigginton) is a free-agent cast-off whose hot streak will inevitably end. The AL East crown is theirs to lose.

I'm watching closely the progress of the O's future ace, lefty Brian Matusz. Dude is awesome (3-1 K/BB ratio, 1.34 whip, I think that's good). Rookie of the Year type stuff. I have a man-crush. You should too.

Other potential intrigue: When will the rest of the Cavalry arrive? Chris Tillman just pitched a no-hitter down in AAA. Rad.


Washington Wizards
Ironically, the team I'm least interested in owing to their perpetual sorry state and the waste of time that is rooting for a non-Lebron/Kobe/Howard/Wade/Durant/Duncan NBA team, will provide us with the most interesting moment this summer: the NBA DRAFT LOTTERY!! Where hopes and dreams of NBA teams are either made or shattered for the next decade. Consensus #1 pick John Wall is a franchise-changer in the mold of Dwyane Wade, but with a sweeter high school highlight video and more easily rappable name for Wale to throw into a verse. The Wiz have a 10.3% chance of getting the #1 overall pick.

Barring this miracle, apparently the Wizards have more free agent money than originally thought. That's a nice Plan B in case hinging our entire hopes and dreams on a 1 in 10 chance falls through. I bet they sign LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Kobe Bryant and Joba Chamberlain.

Other potential intrigue: New owner Ted Leonsis changing the uniforms and/or team name back to the red, white and blue? Man do I hope so...probably too soon. Leonsis is too savvy to trample all over a DC icon like Abe Pollin before it's time. But 93% of fans want it and Leonsis is a man of the people so it's happening sooner or later.

***

It's going to be a long summer. In the meantime, enjoy The Human Centipede.

Comment Turned Post: Chins Up, Caps Fans

This comment was made by Ryan[still]heartseverythingCaps in the Game 7 Post, Look Who Just Shit the Bed. Wiser words have never been featured on this blog.

I chose not to attend last night because the Caps had lost both of the other home games I went to. At the end of the second period I decided to, rather than watch the remainder of the game, listen to Kolbe's play-by-play as I drove laps around the beltway (which is what I do when I am experiencing HIGH levels of emotional distress after rush hour). As the final seconds ticked away and finally the horn sounded there was never a more serious thought in my head -I was going to commit fiery vehicular suicide. Fantasies of destruction and scenes from Michael Bay movies ran like escaped convicts through my conscience...

And then I came to my exit and drove home. And wrote Ted an email to tell him I love him...

Because I realized that there is no way, as shitty as I felt, there is no way my demoralization reached half of that felt by our players, coaches, and the man himself. Through this beautiful disaster we must all endure.

The Best DC Sports Nicknames

With Trent "Silverback" Williams joining the Skins and generating a lot of buzz about his nickname, I thought it was high time to rank the top nicknames amongst all DC sports figures. This list is completely arbitrary, but I think the key factors of a good nickname are:

-Likeability
-Humor
-Widespread usage
-Originality

Please note that I do not think deservedness of the nickname should be taken into account, and that each nickname is considered on its own, so one player could have more than one nickname on the list.

10) Smokin' (Al Koken): I say sportscasters count, and this is a classic. My favorite thing about it is that he now just says 'Smokin' Al', without the part that rhymes. That's when you know you've made it....

9) Silverback (Trent Williams): Solid, likeable, and will likely be widespread very soon. A black man choosing a nickname related to a gorilla though could lead to some awkward situations, so I can't put this one any higher. That and he hasn't played an NFL snap yet.

8) Young Sushi (Nick Young): Not widespread, but original and funny. You also don't know me very well if you didn't think I would promote the nickname we first publicized.

7) Jizz (Alexander Semin): Umm, hysterical? For an extensive list of Caps nicknames, visit Japers Rink.

6) Agent Zero/Six Shooter (Gilbert Arenas): Agent Zero is one of the most widespread real nicknames (not fake ones like KG or D-Wade) and is original. However, he has changed to #6 for this season so the nickname may fade from prominence. I think Six Shooter has a lot of potential though.

5) The Predator (Chris Horton): Badass, but undeserved, although maybe he can 're-earn' the nickname when he inevitably plays his trade in the CFL.

4) Mr. Nasty (Jeff Schultz): Great, but not entirely original (remember the Nasty Boys with the Cincinnati Reds?).

3) Game Over (Mike Green): This one is undeserved, but is original and badass. Although this will continue to make me angry until next April.

2) Captain Chaos (Chris Cooley): I actually met Cooley after a game and asked about the nickname and he said he hates it, which is probably why it lost some of its popularity.

1) The Russian Machine (Alexander Ovechkin): Perfect, just perfect.

Honorable Mention:

• Baseball Jesus (Matt Wieters): Not widespread and Jesus would probably slug over .400.
• The Professor (Matt Bradley): Cool, but not quite as good as those of some of his teammates.
• Wookie/Chewy (Stephon Heyer): Courtesy of his Redskin teammates.
• Real American Hero (John Carlson): This one is great, but too long and not widespread.
• Pudge (Ivan Rodriguez): A classic nickname, but Pudge does not feel like a true DC athlete given that he will likely only be here 1 year.
• Hibachi (Gilbert Arenas): This would have made the list a year ago.......
  
• Mean Lars (Nicklas Backstrom): Solid nickname, but not as cool or exciting as others.
• Magnum Z.I. (Ryan Zimmerman): Interesting, but not widely used. "Pete Franchise" is another one of his, but he needs something better.
  
• Coach Kevlar (Mike Shanahan): Coach nicknames aren't exciting.
• The Undertaker (George McPhee): GM nicknames are even less exciting.
• Double-Move (Carlos Rogers): I kid, I kid.

The list suffers from the recent losses of Tuff Juice (Caron Butler) and Cybertawn (Antawn Jamison), but is still pretty awesome. The Skins have a lot of untapped potential, but the Caps are picking up the slack. Let me know your thoughts, is anyone missing from the list?

(Image courtesy of brokenmystic.files.wordpress.com)

Look Who Just Choked

Late Wednesday evening, Washingtonpost.com's Gene Wang posited this:

I'm sure whether this was the worst loss in franchise history will be debated for many days to come.

Allow me to settle this brain-buster of a debate right now: this is by far the worst loss in Caps history, one of the worst losses in DC sports history, and right up there with one of the biggest choke jobs in sports history ever. No NHL #1 seed had ever lost a series to a #8 seed after leading 3-1. Until tonight.

True, this is just par for the course for the Caps. That's 7 series in the last 26 years the Caps have lost after being up by two games. But this Caps team was supposed to be different. No Caps team has ever had a legitimate Stanley Cup shot. These Caps not only had a legitimate shot - they were historically dominant during the regular season. They have the league's best second best player. The Habs are mediocre at best, which they were this series. This should've been a cakewalk.

Debated, Gene? There is no debate. Case closed.

Video: Caps vs. Canadiens, Simplified

You could spin this any number of ways, but here's a sad but true short story I concocted via Youtube Search Stories.




Will it get any better? It better get better, or it's gonna be an insufferably long summer.