Week 16 Picks: Fat Albert's Awful Christmas Present

Dallas week, and I can't help but think the Redskins are about to give me a steaming pile of shit for a Christmas present. We are a disaster and everything is looking like an embarrassing loss. Not only did last week expose us, but now Zorn and the rest of the staff are probably even more checked-out, and now Fat Albert sounds like he is checking out. The worst part is that Fat Albert was probably not the only one. Don't they realize they are playing for their jobs? The new coach and Bruce Allen will hopefully want to remove any players who have the awful ways of the past regime ingrained in them. Fat Albert is a veteran leader, and it is the veteran leaders who need to get this team pumped up for what should be our Super Bowl. A Dallas disaster would just be the piss icing on this turd cake season.

On to the picks..........FO's 'locks of the week' are now 8-10 with 2 'locks' this week, their 'reasonable' picks are 28-36, and their 'stay away' picks are 71-65. Please note that differences in total games picked is a result of us using slightly different spreads.

The standings (with pushes excluded):
Sports Guy: 7-8 last week 115-104 overall (52.5%)
FO: 5-8 last week, 107-111 overall (49.1%)
DCLS: 5-8 last week, 104-114 overall (47.7%)

As usual, the FO picks are listed in order of confidence, and I have bolded a team wherever I differ (home teams in CAPS).

1. Buffalo +9 over ATLANTA - FO actually likes the Bills straight up, so this is a home run for them. Matty ice is playing, but FO's certainty is swaying me.
2. SAN FRANCISCO -12 over Detroit - 12 points is a lot for FO, but SF is tied with Cincy and the Pack as their #1 straight-up pick. I will stick with my theory of picking anyone playing the Lions.
3. Denver +7 over PHILADELPHIA - The Iggles are only FO's #13 straight-up pick, but guess what? They are now FO's #1 team!
4. Oakland +3 over CLEVELAND - The QB toilet bowl is ruined! Jamarcus and Derek Anderson didn't make it to week 16. Chaz Frye would be a solid contender, but he and Brady Quinn are at least 18 times better than the guys I was hoping to not watch
5. San Diego +3 over TENNESSEE - FO has the Bolts straight up, and I agree, roll with the hot hand.
6. Baltimore +3 over PITTSBURGH - I still don't trust the Steelers. That onside kick was just straight-up manly, I wonder whether Tomlin's granite balls chaffe, or are sanded to a shiny finish to they swish gently by his knees. I also wonder whether Tomlin might actually not be a great coach. He was brought into an incredibly stable situation with a terrific roster and great defensive coach. The Nevermores are FO's #2 team.
7. Minnesota -7 over CHICAGO - I still don't trust the Vikings, but my dislike of the Bears is a much stronger force. Da Bears are also 4-10 against the spread. The realization that maybe Brett Favre isn't such a great QB is kind of refreshing, right? He also takes the spotlight off of the Skins.
8. NEW ENGLAND -8 over Jacksonville - This line seems a bit high to me, but then I saw that the Jags are 5-9 against the spread. The Jags are also FO's #22 team by the metrics giving more weight to recent performance, so this is not a good team.
9. NEW YORK GIANTS -7 over Carolina - Was last week the exception, or the start of a run by the G Men? They could thrash the Panthers and we would still have no idea.
10. GREEN BAY -14 over Seattle - A team that has been consistently underrated is finally a big favorite against the team that has been consistently underrated. I still like the Pack to bounce-back from last week's tough loss.
11. Tampa Bay +14 over NEW ORLEANS - Tampa, really?
    
12. Dallas -7 over WASHINGTON - Maybe the Swinging Gate will work this time.........or maybe not. Fat Albert being dismissed from practice is also not making me happy. This is our Super Bowl though, so hopefully the team gets it together quickly.
    
13. Houston +3 over MIAMI - FO ranks the Texans as slightly better, but has the Fins straight up probably thanks to home-field. I'll take the points here, because I still don't know what to make the Texans.
    
14. New York Jets +5.5 over INDIANAPOLIS - Same problem as last week, how long will the Colts starters play. The Jets are still FO's #1 defense, but I think Peyton plays the whole game, and that D still isn't enough to stop him. Oh, and the Sanchize still sucks.
    
15. Kansas City +14 over CINCINNATI - The Bungles didn't have a full week of practice because of Chris Henry's funeral, but the Chiefs blow and are 5-9 against the spread; the Chiefs will let you down!
    
16. ARIZONA -14 over St. Louis - I realize the Cards can't be trusted, and the Rams are 7-7 against the spread, but I stick with the favorites.

Maybe we get it together, and maybe I nail my picks to get back over .500. And maybe my dick will grow 4 inches tomorrow.

(Image courtesy of media.photobucket.com)