Orioles Will Not Suck Next Year - I Still Will Not Care

Respected baseball analyst Rob Neyer wrote an article for SB Nation last week stating that the Orioles could win 82 or 83 games next year. Yes, Rob freaking Neyer thinks the Orioles could legitimately win more than half of their games.

The fantastic news is that for the first time in way too long we can all watch the O's and expect them to win most of their games.

The bad news is that I still don't care.

83 wins is a big jump from last year's 66, but would still have only put us in last place in last year's AL East. A few of those wins over Toronto would certainly lead us to the promised land: ahead of the Blue Jays, but the O's have a long way to go before they challenge for the playoffs.

An 83 win Oriole season might make them the 4th best team in the American League, but unfortunately this franchise plays in the same division as the best 3. In addition to playing many games against the Yankees, Red Sox, and Rays, the O's have to pass at least 2 of those 3 to compete for the playoffs, and at least 1 of those 3 to be relevant.

The win total is a nice step forward, but until this team is in playoff hunt, I just won't care. 

(Image courtesy of weblogs.baltimoresun.com)

ESPN Knows DC is The Most Depressing Sports City

I already posted on this subject on Bullets Forever, but ESPN released their Ultimate Team Standings for 2010 a few days ago and the results are about as nice as today's 106-degree weather for DC. For those who haven't heard of these 'Standings' before, ESPN ranks every pro franchise across the four major American sports yearly, 1-122, by using using a nationwide survey to determine aspects of a franchise such as 'affordability', 'fan relations' and 'winning titles'.

I didn't notice this article posted online before receiving my ESPN The Magazine, and like any DC sports fan, had the following reactions when I saw the Standings mentioned on the cover:

• I know my teams suck, and don't need rankings to tell me they suck
• Because my teams suck, I have no desire to skip to the rankings

To top it off, once I got to the rankings, I automatically scanned downward to work from the bottom-up to find the DMV teams. You know your teams suck when you start from the bottom and it didn't take long to find our boys......the Nationals, Orioles, Redskins, and Wizards come in at #s 94, 102, 105, and 120......out of 122 teams! Fortunately, the Caps are #11, and as we all already know, the 1 shining light in the DMV these days.

On the surface, nothing really surprised me except that the Wizards are below the Redskins. But reflecting on having 4 of our 5 teams be in the bottom 28 made me realize how jaded I have become. Seriously, I know we have Strasburg, and used to have Matt Wieters and Fat Albert Haynesworth (nope, still pissing me off, nevermind), but all of these teams are depressingly bad and have no championship in site. I already figured we are the worst sports city at this point when you consider the number of awful teams, and this ranking only furthers the notion.

What about Cleveland or Atlanta you say? Ha! The only city on the list to rival DC is actually NYC. The Knicks, Mets, Rangers, Giants, and Yankees, and Jets finished at 119, 107, 104, , 66, 62, and 50. I realize that the Caps pull our average ranking above that of any NYC combo, but our bottom 4 is worse, and the only reason NYC teams are so low is because of 'affordability'. Sure, I prefer that my team is affordable, but winning trumps everything and the Giants and Yankees have recent titles, and the Rangers won one about the same time as the last major DMV sports team. Making things worse is that the 'shining light of DC', the Caps, gave the DMV a collective kick in the balls by losing in the 1st round of the playoffs.

Maybe Shanahan turns things around in Ashburn, maybe Leonsis can do for the Wizards what he did for the Caps, maybe Pitching Jesus can carry the Nats, and maybe the Yankees, Red Sox, and Rays will cease to exist for the sake of the Orioles. For now though, there can't even be much of a debate that we are the most depressed sports city in the country.

(Images courtesy of deadspin.com and ryanberding.com)

What's Wrong with Matt Wieters? I know.

If you'd asked 2009 Red Rover to fill in the blank: "next season, Matt Wieters will have 5 home runs by ___," I would have answered "the third inning." That we are 67 games and more than 200 at-bats into this season and Wieters has only 5 home runs and a dreadful .230 batting average has me concerned. Not enough to abandon ship like some spineless traitor, but enough to pierce through the protective shield of numbness I have carefully crafted over the past decade of local sporting failure.

Popout.

Luckily, when disappointment of this magnitude strikes me, I have a fail-safe coping mechanism: I rationalize. I think of random stuff that's to blame for the shortcomings of my adopted extensions of self. After all, I'm totally awesome and therefore so are the athletes I root for. So, Matt Wieters, what ails ye?

1.) A strained ligament in the doohicky.
2.) Behind-the-scenes relationship strife with secret lover January Jones.
3.) His hands sting from the powerful fastballs of future aces and stalwart rookies Brian Matusz and Jakie Arrieta.
4.) He is lulling American League pitchers to sleep, poised to break out with a 50 HR second half.
5.) He is saving all of his strength to hit a 49 mile home run that nails Strasburg on the mound in DC that would thereby eliminate that attention-thieving foe and reintroduce Wieters to the local messianic spotlight.
6.) He is actually secretly Ted Leonsis. Man's been busy recently.
7.) He is so respectful of Ovechkin, he will wait until the Great 8 and the Caps get their Cup before he starts his career.
8.) He wants me to start rooting for the Nationals more.

If number 8 is the sole reason, then I guess Matt Wieters is God. Because isn't this EXACTLY like the biblical tests God gives to those Bible guys who have to, like, you know, avoid temptation and whatever? Like that dude who couldn't eat the apple and stuff? Or wasn't there a dude who God sent some once-in-a-generation flamethrowing ace to root for instead of an overhyped catching prospect up the road? I think that was Leviticus. See mom! I paid attention in Sunday school.

Well, GodWieters, I'm trying my damndest. Yet I find myself emotionally investing in the Nats success, and I'm struggling with this dilemma just like Rico Fantastic and Marion's Crackpipe. Although these new feelings come not at the expense of rooting for the O's, I fear someday they might. So throw me a bone here. Or at least make a female companion out of a bone for me, like you did with the apple thief. That would be pretty weird.

The Robbery is in Progress! Pirates Stealing our Orioles Cavalry Nickame

When I nicknamed the bevy of Oriole pitching prospects in the minors "The Cavalry", over a year ago, little did I know I would that it would become so internationally popular. Okay, well not exactly popular with Oriole fans or about the Orioles per se, but now the Pittsburgh Pirates radio network has decided to steal the nickname for the "slew" of prospects they are graduating to the majors (I am pretty sure the guy on the right is the culprit). Not only do I already hate Pittsburgh, but we came up with this one year ago!

We have been tracking The Cavalry's progress here and here, as well as referenced the nickname many times. This is not the first time a nickname of ours has been stolen, see the battle for "Baseball Jesus" which has now been decided by Matt Wieters becoming "Blue Balls" and Stephen Strasburg confirming that he is the Messiah. Now the Pirates radio network is getting publicity on an ESPN.com (insider) article by Kevin Goldstein. That coulda been us?!? Well, maybe not.....

(Image courtesy of mlb.com)

Shirts All DC Bros Should Own

Let me tell you a little about myself - I'm a bro.

I usually wear this on my sleeve, even though it's probably less apparent through the internet than face to face interactions.

In that light, here are some shirts all bros or aspiring bros should own. I already own a couple; so should you:

Brian Orakbro

Stephen Strasbro

Alex Brovechkin

Adam Brones

Bro Theismann

Don't Ice Me Bro

Is it Finally Time to Jump Ship and Be a Traitor?

I am following up on the post by our very own Alex Reed on SBNDC about jumping ship from the Orioles to the Nats (funny, because we get a lot of flack for being an Oriole-over-Nats blog). Well Alex, although I more often write about the O's and grew up supporting them with the country-folk from MD, I am absurdly jealous. You see, like any die hard sports fan, I am loyal to my teams to a fault, and force myself to sit through year after year of agony. Sure, the O's have no chance of even challenging, let along passing, the Yankees, Red Sox, and Rays, but that is what us sports fan must do - irrationally tell ourselves that things will turn around and that our undying support will be rewarded at some point; no matter how much it sucks, you must persevere. Personally, the most I can do when I know my team sucks is to just pay less attention. There are only so many hours in the day, so last season I to devoted many more of my viewing hours to the Caps than the Wizards or Orioles.

(No idea what this means, except it reminds me of my nightmares)

I have been looking for an out with the Orioles for a long time. I was truly born and raised in DC, so whereas the Skins, Wizards/Bullets, and Caps are all I ever knew and will know, I shouldn't be 100% attached to a team from Baltimore. Not only is there the geographical name difference, and that long-ass drive from DC to Camden Yards, but there is the general aura/fan base difference; I absolutely despise 'Thank God I'm a Country Boy' during the 7th inning stretch of O's games. I know the O's won a title in 1983, but that was before my time as a fan (and as a human being), so you can toss that idea out for me. I said for several years that if a MLB team moved to DC, I would take the opportunity to switch allegiances. From my mouth to God's ears....

In 2005, the Expos made their long-awaited move to become DC's baseball team and solve my problems, or so I thought. Breaking up was not as easy as I had anticipated. Firstly, at this point in my life, I no longer lived in DC and had no timetable to move back. As exciting as a DC baseball team sounded, in reality, I reaped no benefit from a team being close to my parents' home. I guess I would have an easier getting to a game when I visited DC, but I shouldn't have had any more attachment to this team than one from any other city.

Don't get me wrong, I still tried to love the Nats and give them my split my allegiance to ease into a full breakup with the O's, but it didn't work. Maybe it was the move away from the DMV locking me into my childhood team, but I felt as though I was stuck with the O's for life - in sickness and in health, through good times and bad times, or something like that.

The Sports Guy has said there are 2, and only 2, legitimate reasons for changing your team allegiance:
1) Your team moves.
2) Your team has an owner that is beyond awful.

The O's definitely didn't move, but are one of the few teams to fit perfectly under #2. So to recap the reasons for DC folks not to support the O's are:
1) Angelos is the anti-Christ
2) The O's are not actually located in Baltimore, and actually are a good distance away
3) The O's make efforts to associate with MD, not DC
4) A DC alternative exists

(The amazing DC alternative)

As my interest in baseball as a whole has dwindled, I am thinking that it is time to re-evaluate this whole team switch idea. I have been trying to get excited about the wave of Oriole talent hitting the bigs, but with Matt Wieters giving me blue balls, I realize deep down that the O's have no shot unless all the stars align. For the O's to just compete with the elite of the AL East, almost all of the prospects and young players will have to reach their ceiling, and then Angelos will have to go out and spend money wisely. Even then, the Sox and Rays have better farm systems, and the Yanks have more money, so let's just be realistic and say the O's aren't going to be a playoff contender unless some crack drug lord buys the team and does not concern himself with the salary cap/revenue sharing (the Baltimore community would at least provide strong financial support). As much as I love Cal Ripken Jr. (love him like the father of Baseball Jesus), it will take more than that half-man/half-machine to turn around the O's.

Amidst this indifference, I moved back to DC (proper) this year for a new job, and have found my baseball lack of caring combated strongly by the Nats resurgence (just surgence?). I will be the first to tell you that Strasburg, 17-year-old Harper, Zimmerman, and Dunn do not a playoff team make, but I am paying attention to this team and attending their games. Instead of an arranged marriage with the Orioles, or the 'You're Jewish and she's Jewish and has nice parents' when the Nats moved to DC, this relationship with the Nats feels more natural. I want to be clear that this funny feeling inside does not just have to do with the Nats being successful, and I definitely do not want to jump on a bandwagon too late and be a front-runner. It is more that my relationship with the O's has never been weaker, and now is the perfect time for the Nats to 'steal me away'. I don't think the Nats are built for long-term success just yet, and thus may not be the prettiest girl in the room, but they do live close-by, and Strasburg basically gives them a really nice set of tits. And you know what? I've been in an awful relationship for so long that I am not looking for much. I know I can't just flip a switch and go steady with the Nats and fully extricate myself from the Orioles, but the proximity and nice tits might just be enough incentive to go ahead with a divorce.

(Image courtesy of balorioles.mlblogs.com and voices.washingtonpost.com)

The Other Prospect Wins First Start: Hope in the DMV?

While everyone was busy tracking Stephen Strasburg's between game routine and rehashing his historic debut, Jake Arrieta quietly had his own long-awaited debut tonight for the Orioles.....and Jake did not dissapoint. No, it was not 14 Ks in 7 innings, but he had 6 ks in 6 innings and defeated the Yankees.

The first start for any pitcher can mean very little, but this is significant for Arrieta and the O's. While everyone is freaking out about the Nats having Strasburg and Bryce Harper, the Orioles now have their 'big 3' of Brian Matusz, Chris Tillman, and Arrieta all pitching in the bigs. Although Zach Britton may yet prove to be the best of the cavalry, these 3 were the top Oriole prospects going into Monday's draft, and will need to come through for this team to have any chance of catching the Yankees, Red Sox, and Rays in the not-too-distant future. Any chance for the DCLS nickname 'The Cavalry' of catching on depends on these guys!

The O's are 6.5 game out of 2nd-to-last place in the entire MLB and have almost locked up the right to draft 3B Anthony Rendon in 2011, but 3 of every 5 games are now must see for fans. Although the Nats are closer to contention than the Birds and have Strasburg, this Orioles fan sees a lot more to keep his interest for the remainder of the season in Baltimore.

(Image courtesy of camdenchat.com)

Oriole Cavalry Update: Hope or Blue Balls?

Don't look now, while the world is busy waiting for pitching Jesus to grace Nationals Park, the Orioles have quietly cut the deficit behind the Astros to 2.5 games.........for last place in the entire league. Although we have the inside track on the #1 pick in 2011, there does not appear to be a Bryce Harper or pitching Jesus. There has to be hope somewhere, right?!?

Let's see, the OPS's of Ma-not-so-kickass, Pacman, and Baseball Jesus, and Nolan Reimold currently sit at .839, .674, and .656 and .639. Nope, those aren't slugging % figures, those are slugging + on-base %......kill me. I've started calling Baseball Jesus "Blue Balls", because I get so excited to watch him hit every time, and all he's brought me is disappointment and pain. Even the O's top-2 hitting prospects are struggling at triple-A!

I do have some hope though, in the form of the cavalry, the O's bevy of pitching prospects that are poised to lead us to the promised land (aka slightly ahead of the Blue Jays). Here is a list of the talented group:

Brian Matusz - After a hot start, he has cooled-down considerably, but is still posting a better than 2:1 K-to-BB ratio, while allowing less than 1 HR every 10 innings. He is still just 23, and still looks like he will be an absolute beast. Now we just need 3-4 more starters and 9 hitters and we'll have something....The nickname Obi-Won for being our only hope still fits pretty damn well.

Brad Bergeson - Huuuuge disappointment here. I didn't exactly have him pinned as a future star, but thought we had a #3-4 starter after last year. His K/BB ratio has plummeted from 2.03 to 0.81, not good. He's also given up 8 HRs in 9 starts, whereas he gave up 11 in 19 starts last year. He is also just 24, but this is a large step in the wrong direction.

David Hernandez - Just put him in the bullpen already, he dominates the minors and gets shelled in the bigs. His funky delivery can only play in the pen.

Chris Tillman - The former #1 prospect of this group pretty thoroughly dominated triple-A to the tune of almost a 4/1 K-to-BB ratio. He still is susceptible to the long ball, which was evident in him giving up 2 HRs in his debut this season, but I know am moderately interested to watch at least 2 out of every 5 O's games.

Jake Arrieta - His star faded a bit last year, but that is a distant memory now. In a recent ESPN Insider article, he was listed as the #9 prospect for the remainder of this season. His K/BB ratio is only slightly below 2.0, but he has made up for it by only allowing 3 HRs in 71 innings of work (or as the ESPN.com guy who probably hasn't watched him play said, 'he's keeping the ball down'). He will be up this season for a look eventually, which will mean all of our 'big 3' will be up, and maybe to stay by the end of the year.

Troy Patton - He has been more of the same at triple-A, a 2:1 K-to-BB ratio and a low KK rate. The problem is that he has been giving up a lot of HRs this year, so is not ready for the bigs just yet, and definitely not ready to be the 4th or 5th starter on the O's next championship team. Yeah, I said it.....He is turning 25 this year, so the clock is starting to tick....

Brandon Erbe - He has a similar line to Patton, but an astounding 0-8 record. Fortunately, that is only slightly worse than the usual record for the MLB O's, so not a concern. He is only 22, but still is likely a bullpen guy long term.

Zach Britton - Arguably a better prospect than Tillman or Arrieta, he is 22 and doing just fine thank you at double-A. He is not ready for the big time, posting just over a 2/1 K-to-BB ratio and 4 HRs allowed in 59.2 innings. Remember that Britton is the same age as Erbe, just without the arm problems and crazy delivery.

It is still hard to say how any of these guys will turn out (see Phil Hughes, Homer Bailey, and any pitching prospect ever), but you still have to think that from Matusz, Tillman, Britton, and Arrieta we have the makings of a strong and cheap future rotation. Now if Blue Balls could go back to being Jesus.....

(Stats courtesy of espn.com, Norfolk Tides website, and Bowie Baysox website. Image courtesy of Baltimoresun.com)

Jake Arrieta Throws Stinky Cheddar Cheese

Because MASN sucks, I can't embed the video here. Why the hell would they want free advertising on UNBELIEVABLY POPULAR blogs such as this?

So here's the link to a little video profile of Jake Arrieta's pitching repertoire.

He's been impressive this season, to say the least, going 6-2 with a 1.77 ERA in AAA Norfolk in 11 starts.

Can he save the Orioles? Ha, nobody can!

But it's worth noting that he's gassy. He's got that "cheeeeeese. Theeeeeeeeee stinkyyyyyyyyy cheddarrrrrrrrr!"

Nats and O's, By the Numbers

Raise your hand if you predicted that the Nats would be three games above .500 and two games out of first place in the NL East by May 10, with their best player missing 8 games, their second best player working his way through the minors, and an imposing opening schedule to boot.

Put your hand down - you're lying and nobody can see you anyway.

What makes the Nationals' early season success so interesting is that they've seemingly switched places with the Orioles, known for their early season hot starts and infamous for their late season collapses. The Orioles sit 30th among 30 MLB teams at the moment and the season's only relative bright spot, Brian Matusz, got lit up yesterday.

How do the Nats keep winning ball games? I'm gonna unscientifically say timely hitting interspersed with the occasional quality start and an absolutely LETHAL late inning pitching combination, courtesy of Tyler Clippard and Matt Capps.

For fun, I decided to compare the Nationals and Orioles in terms of their places in the standings and their offensive and pitching statistics. MLB rankings are applied in parentheses where appropriate (click tables to enlarge).

The Nats are 2 games behind the Phillies in the NL East and 1.5 games behind the Giants for the NL Wild Card; the Orioles are 13.5 games behind the Rays in the AL East and 13 games behind the Yankees for the AL Wild Card.

**BONUS Fun Fact: The Orioles have the 2nd worst home record and the worst road record in the MLB!

Now a look at the teams' offensive outputs (ed. note: the O's actually have 107 runs but I'm too lazy to go back and fix the tables):

Both teams are far from elite offensively, but the Nats are getting on base at a much higher rate and manufacturing a lot of runs because of that. Ten of the Orioles' 30 HR have come off the bat of journeyman Ty Wigginton. Expect a regression to the mean from that guy fairly soon.

**BONUS Fun Fact: The Orioles are hitting .220 with runners in scoring position (29th in MLB) and the Nats are hitting .264 (12th in MLB)!

Finally, some pitching statistics:

Only one thing stands out here, and you can't underestimate its importance: the Nats are 13/17 in save opportunities compared to the Orioles' 6/12 mark. How many consecutive years have the bullpens of these clubs been their Achilles heels? Too many for me to even try to count. Tyler Clippard and Matt Capps have solidified the back end for the Nationals. Mike Gonzalez has solidified his position as Dany Baez 2.0 for the Orioles, a solid relief pitcher who cashed in on a good contract year and couldn't handle 9th inning pressure.

**BONUS Fun Fact: Mike Gonzalez is worthless!

***

Can the Nats keep this up? Let's hope so. Can the O's turn things around? Probably not.

But we have all summer to do nothing but find out. Thanks, Caps.

Now What?

The slow slog of summer has begun approximately 1.5 months too soon. If you're an insane person like me, you had carved out much of your free time for the next six weeks to allow for fretting by day and watching Caps games by night. I actually planned a bachelor party around the potential dates of the Stanley Cup Parade. So I'm feeling pretty empty right now.

Bill Simmons tweeted before Game 7: "If the Caps blow Game 7, DC vaults past Seattle for Most Depressed Sports City honors." I'd say the crown fits. Wouldn't you?

So, what do we have to look forward to until Redskins training camp begins the miserable cycle of DC sports seasons anew? Here's the quick rundown:

Washington Capitals
June 25-26 draft. Perhaps an exciting trade in the works? I'm thinking sign-and-trade Fleischmann for a bale of hay.

July 1: Free agency begins. Probably gone: Shaone Morrissonn, Brendan Morrison, Joe Corvo, Scott Walker. Possibly gone: Eric Belanger. Hopefully re-signed: Boyd Gordon, Eric Fehr, Jeff Schultz. Hopefully newly signed: Free agent stay-at-home and make-yourself-at-home-in-DC Russian defenseman Anton Volchenkov no later than 12:01 AM July 1.

Other potential intrigue: The kids (including American Hero John Carlson, future blueline fixture Karl Alzner, future next-Dale-Hunter Stefan Della Rovere, future 2nd line center Mattieu Perrault and potential future goalie Braden Holtby) go for a second straight Calder Cup championship with Hershey.


Washington Redskins
Endless RI posts falsely boosting our hopes and dreams for the Shanahan era. They've already started: "Redskins Receivers Should Have Great Success In Shanahan's Scheme." Anyone who buys into posts like this, I have a sex-switching unicorn I'd like to sell you.

Other potential intrigue: The Haynesworth saga: Will he stay or will he go?


Washington Nationals
They're currently above .500. They have good chemistry or something. They also have a pretty big NEGATIVE RED run differential, a sure sign they're in for a fall. Most exciting thing to look forward to: Strasburg's late July call-up. It's only a matter of time before Bodog posts a prop-bet on the over/under date for that inevitable happening. When it does, I'm putting all of my current liquid assets (approximately $312.43 plus a coupon for a free coffee) on the under.

Other potential intrigue: Bumbling ownership group and team President Stan Kasten - what new travesty of mismanagement can they think of next?


Baltimore Orioles
Most recently, they swept the sorry Boston Red Sox. 7-19 and climbing! Wieters is pretty good but not quite savior-esque...yet. Roberts is injured (he's getting old, totally predictable), Jones and Markakis are barely hitting and our best player (Ty Wigginton) is a free-agent cast-off whose hot streak will inevitably end. The AL East crown is theirs to lose.

I'm watching closely the progress of the O's future ace, lefty Brian Matusz. Dude is awesome (3-1 K/BB ratio, 1.34 whip, I think that's good). Rookie of the Year type stuff. I have a man-crush. You should too.

Other potential intrigue: When will the rest of the Cavalry arrive? Chris Tillman just pitched a no-hitter down in AAA. Rad.


Washington Wizards
Ironically, the team I'm least interested in owing to their perpetual sorry state and the waste of time that is rooting for a non-Lebron/Kobe/Howard/Wade/Durant/Duncan NBA team, will provide us with the most interesting moment this summer: the NBA DRAFT LOTTERY!! Where hopes and dreams of NBA teams are either made or shattered for the next decade. Consensus #1 pick John Wall is a franchise-changer in the mold of Dwyane Wade, but with a sweeter high school highlight video and more easily rappable name for Wale to throw into a verse. The Wiz have a 10.3% chance of getting the #1 overall pick.

Barring this miracle, apparently the Wizards have more free agent money than originally thought. That's a nice Plan B in case hinging our entire hopes and dreams on a 1 in 10 chance falls through. I bet they sign LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Kobe Bryant and Joba Chamberlain.

Other potential intrigue: New owner Ted Leonsis changing the uniforms and/or team name back to the red, white and blue? Man do I hope so...probably too soon. Leonsis is too savvy to trample all over a DC icon like Abe Pollin before it's time. But 93% of fans want it and Leonsis is a man of the people so it's happening sooner or later.

***

It's going to be a long summer. In the meantime, enjoy The Human Centipede.

The Best DC Sports Nicknames

With Trent "Silverback" Williams joining the Skins and generating a lot of buzz about his nickname, I thought it was high time to rank the top nicknames amongst all DC sports figures. This list is completely arbitrary, but I think the key factors of a good nickname are:

-Likeability
-Humor
-Widespread usage
-Originality

Please note that I do not think deservedness of the nickname should be taken into account, and that each nickname is considered on its own, so one player could have more than one nickname on the list.

10) Smokin' (Al Koken): I say sportscasters count, and this is a classic. My favorite thing about it is that he now just says 'Smokin' Al', without the part that rhymes. That's when you know you've made it....

9) Silverback (Trent Williams): Solid, likeable, and will likely be widespread very soon. A black man choosing a nickname related to a gorilla though could lead to some awkward situations, so I can't put this one any higher. That and he hasn't played an NFL snap yet.

8) Young Sushi (Nick Young): Not widespread, but original and funny. You also don't know me very well if you didn't think I would promote the nickname we first publicized.

7) Jizz (Alexander Semin): Umm, hysterical? For an extensive list of Caps nicknames, visit Japers Rink.

6) Agent Zero/Six Shooter (Gilbert Arenas): Agent Zero is one of the most widespread real nicknames (not fake ones like KG or D-Wade) and is original. However, he has changed to #6 for this season so the nickname may fade from prominence. I think Six Shooter has a lot of potential though.

5) The Predator (Chris Horton): Badass, but undeserved, although maybe he can 're-earn' the nickname when he inevitably plays his trade in the CFL.

4) Mr. Nasty (Jeff Schultz): Great, but not entirely original (remember the Nasty Boys with the Cincinnati Reds?).

3) Game Over (Mike Green): This one is undeserved, but is original and badass. Although this will continue to make me angry until next April.

2) Captain Chaos (Chris Cooley): I actually met Cooley after a game and asked about the nickname and he said he hates it, which is probably why it lost some of its popularity.

1) The Russian Machine (Alexander Ovechkin): Perfect, just perfect.

Honorable Mention:

• Baseball Jesus (Matt Wieters): Not widespread and Jesus would probably slug over .400.
• The Professor (Matt Bradley): Cool, but not quite as good as those of some of his teammates.
• Wookie/Chewy (Stephon Heyer): Courtesy of his Redskin teammates.
• Real American Hero (John Carlson): This one is great, but too long and not widespread.
• Pudge (Ivan Rodriguez): A classic nickname, but Pudge does not feel like a true DC athlete given that he will likely only be here 1 year.
• Hibachi (Gilbert Arenas): This would have made the list a year ago.......
  
• Mean Lars (Nicklas Backstrom): Solid nickname, but not as cool or exciting as others.
• Magnum Z.I. (Ryan Zimmerman): Interesting, but not widely used. "Pete Franchise" is another one of his, but he needs something better.
  
• Coach Kevlar (Mike Shanahan): Coach nicknames aren't exciting.
• The Undertaker (George McPhee): GM nicknames are even less exciting.
• Double-Move (Carlos Rogers): I kid, I kid.

The list suffers from the recent losses of Tuff Juice (Caron Butler) and Cybertawn (Antawn Jamison), but is still pretty awesome. The Skins have a lot of untapped potential, but the Caps are picking up the slack. Let me know your thoughts, is anyone missing from the list?

(Image courtesy of brokenmystic.files.wordpress.com)

Not Even Baseball Jesus Can Save the Orioles

Today's game notwithstanding, the Orioles have been absolutely destroyed by their early season schedule and life isn't getting any easier with 12 straight games against the Yankees and Red Sox starting on Friday. Not only are we the worst team in baseball by our 2-11 record, but after only 13 games, we are 2.5 games behind the 2nd-worst team!

We're certainly not 0-18 bad, but here are the quick stats:

• 2nd-worst run differential in the league
• 23rd in OPS
• 17th in ERA
• 26th in batting average against

The huuuge caveat amidst the depression is that this season is about developing our young talent, but our savior, Matt Wieters, has a .673 OPS, 1 homerun, and 0 times impatiently homering from the on-deck circle. Nick Markakis is doing nothing to prove last year was a fluke by posting a .771 OPS, and Adam Jones is at .675. Down on the farm, Chris Tillman is 0-3 with a 8.38 ERA despite a solid K/BB ratio of 10/4 and not allowing any HRs. Jake Arrieta, meanwhile, has a K/BB ratio of 7/6, and Brandon Erbe is 7/4 with a 7.45 ERA.

As far as bright spots, Felix Pie has continued to show he may actually be an okay hitter and major leaguer and our new hope and savior, Brian Matusz has been awesome, leading the AL in K's and trailing only Lincecum in all of MLB, having a K/BB ratio of 23/7, not allowing 1 HR, and improving his ground ball/fly ball out ratio with each game. Billy Rowell has finally started hitting in Frederick, and Zach Britton is off to a good start in Bowie, but that's about it.

We need this Cal Ripken coup ASAP.

(Image courtesy of misterirrelevant.com)

Nats/O's: Draft this kid!

Forget Bryce Harper. He's too old. Over the hill. Washed up. Past his prime.

Enter Ariel Antigua, the future of major league baseball. He's only 5 years old (via Deadspin, h/t Doc):



And you're trying to tell me that either of our two area baseball teams wouldn't drastically improve right now with this kid's services? Didn't think so.

Orioles Half Game Back in AL East Race

I hate hate hate the Yankees, but you know that already. So why the hell not?

2010 MLB Predictions

Similar to our NHL Preview - which in hindsight was horribly wrong in so many ways - we decided to compile our predictions for the upcoming MLB Season.

I can't decide what I'm more excited for: Matt Wieters & Brian Matusz, Round II, or Stephen Strasburg for the first time. I think when they face off in May during interleague play my head might explode. I'm looking forward to that (especially in light of this Donovan Mcnabb...situation).

On to the predictions, which are listed division by division, followed by playoff predictions and two major individual awards. Feel free to sift through the unimportant stuff (like when the Yankees, Red Sox, or Phillies are listed first at anything).

AL East

Consensus:

1. (tie) Boston
1. (tie) New York
3. Tampa Bay
4. Baltimore
5. Toronto

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Boston, 2. New York, 3. Tampa Bay, 4. Baltimore, 5. Toronto
Red Rover - 1. Boston, 2. Tampa Bay, 3. New York, 4. Toronto, 5. Baltimore
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. New York, 2. Tampa Bay, 3. Boston, 4. Baltimore, 5. Toronto
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. New York, 2. Boston, 3. Tampa Bay, 4. Baltimore, 5. Toronto

Comments:

Baby steps for the O's?! What a sexy pick for 4th place in the AL East, if I may say so myself. And to think, only a few years ago we took 4th place for granted. Ahh, the days when the Rays were the Devil Rays. I refuse to talk about the Red Sox or the Yankees. It's just no fun. You know what else is no fun? This Red Rover character. Have some faith in the O's, bro. They don't need your reverse-jinxing nonsense. Baseball Jesus the First is jinx-proof and you know it.

AL Central

Consensus:

1. Minnesota
2. Detroit
3. Chicago
4. Cleveland
5. Kansas City

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Detroit, 2. Minnesota, 3. Chicago, 4. Cleveland, 5. Kansas City
Red Rover - 1. Minnesota, 2. Chicago, 3. Detroit, 4. Cleveland, 5. Kansas City
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Minnesota, 2. Detroit, 3. Chicago, 4. Cleveland, 5. Kansas City
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Minnesota, 2. Detroit, 3. Cleveland, 4. Chicago, 5. Kansas City

Comments:

I'm the lone ranger when it comes to doubting the Twins. Not because I don't like the Twins or anything (although I will admit a slight bitterness toward Joe Mauer for discovering his power before Wieters bursted on the scene). I just think the Tigers' lineup will generate a ton of runs. Scott Sizemore will be as good as people think and Miguel Cabrera will be sober even better than he has been. I trust their rotation a lot more than the Twins', too. Scott Baker as your ace will never cut it.

AL West

Consensus:

1. Los Angeles
2. (tie) Seattle
2. (tie) Texas
4. Oakland

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Los Angeles, 2. Seattle, 3. Texas, 4. Oakland
Red Rover - 1. Los Angeles, 2. Oakland, 3. Texas, 4. Seattle
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Seattle, 2. Texas, 3. Los Angeles, 4. Oakland
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Los Angeles, 2. Texas, 3. Seattle, 4. Oakland

Comments:

The Angels just might have the best rotation, 1-5, in the Majors. Non-apologies to the Red Sox and Yankees. When Joe Saunders and Joel Pineiro are your #3 and #4, respectively, you have a huge advantage over other teams. Kendry Morales will continue to be awesome, with Torii Hunter and Bobby Abreu providing the veteran presence in the lineup. I don't think the Mariners are that far behind if Erik Bedard can stay healthy, which would give them a formidable top three of King Felix, Cliff Lee, and Bedard. But come on. Bedard cannot and will not stay healthy, so the point's moot.

NL East

Consensus:

1. Philadelphia
2. Atlanta
3. New York
4. Florida
5. Washington

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Philadelphia, 2. New York, 3. Atlanta, 4. Florida, 5. Washington
Red Rover - 1. Atlanta, 2. Philadelphia, 3. New York, 4. Florida, 5. Washington
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Philadelphia, 2. Atlanta, 3. Florida, 4. New York, 5. Washington
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Philadelphia, 2. Florida, 3. New York, 4. Atlanta, 5. Washington

Comments:

Here are a few things for Nats fans to be excited about during the upcoming season: Baseball Jesus the Second's MLB debut, the continued incomprehensible sub-4.00 ERA a-la Jeremy Guthrie from John Lannan, a full season with Nyjer Morgan leading off, and the perennial awesomeness of Ryan Zimmerman. Unfortunately, there are many things Nats fans should be lamenting: Jason Marquis (career ERA 4.48, career WHIP 1.42) masquerading as a staff ace, 38-year old Ivan Rodriguez stealing precious playing time from Jesus Flores, the absence of Jordan Zimmerman, and a manager who has an unfortunate history with pitching phenoms. Other than that, things look great!

NL Central

Consensus:

1. St. Louis
2. Chicago
3. Milwaukee
4. Cincinnati
5. Houston
6. Pittsburgh

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. St. Louis, 2. Milwaukee, 3. Cincinnati, 4. Chicago, 5. Houston, 6. Pittsburgh
Red Rover - 1. St. Louis, 2. Cincinnati, 3. Chicago, 4. Milwaukee, 5. Houston, 6. Pittsburgh
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. St. Louis, 2. Chicago, 3. Milwaukee, 4. Cincinnati, 5. Houston, 6. Pittsburgh
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. St. Louis, 2. Chicago, 3. Milwaukee, 4. Cincinnati, 5. Houston, 6. Pittsburgh

Comments:

Three things you can be certain of in this world: death, taxes, and the Pittsburgh Pirates missing out on the playoffs. And you can take that to the bank.

NL West

Consensus:

1. Los Angeles
2. Colorado
3. San Francisco
4. Arizona
5. San Francisco

Breakdown:

Rico Fantastic - 1. Los Angeles, 2. San Francisco, 3. Colorado, 4. Arizona, 5. San Diego
Red Rover - 1. Colorado, 2. Los Angeles, 3. San Francisco, 4. Arizona, 5. San Diego
Marion's Crackpipe - 1. Colorado, 2. Los Angeles, 3. San Francisco, 4. Arizona, 5. San Diego
Iafrate's Baldspot - 1. Los Angeles, 2. San Francisco, 3. Colorado, 4. Arizona, 5. San Diego

Comments:

The NL West is by far my favorite division in baseball. The presumed top three teams each can make  a legitimate claim as a World Series contender. Three of my favorite players in baseball play in this division: Pablo Sandoval, Matt Kemp, and Troy Tulowitzki. The best pitcher in the history of the world not named Brian Matusz is Clayton Kershaw. Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating. But the race for the NL West will be exciting. It will never outhype that lame Yankees-Red Sox-Rays thing, but I wouldn't be surprised if it came down to the final game of the year for the divisional crown.

Wild Card Picks

Rico Fantastic - New York (AL), San Francisco (NL)
Red Rover - Tampa Bay (AL), Philadelphia (NL)
Marion's Crackpipe - Tampa Bay (AL), Atlanta (NL)
Iafrate's Baldspot - Boston (AL), Chicago (NL)

World Series Picks

Rico Fantastic - Los Angeles Angels over Los Angeles Dodgers
Red Rover - Colorado Rockies over Tampa Bay Rays
Marion's Crackpipe - New York Yankees over Colorado Rockies
Iafrate's Baldspot - New York Yankees over Los Angeles Dodgers

MVP Picks

Rico Fantastic - Alex Rodriguez, NYY (AL); Prince Fielder, MIL (NL)
Red Rover - Carl Crawford, TB (AL); Albert Pujols, STL (NL)
Marion's Crackpipe - Joe Mauer, MIN (AL); Albert Pujols, STL (NL)
Iafrate's Baldspot - Alex Rodriguez, NYY (AL); Ryan Howard, PHI (NL)

Cy Young Picks

Rico Fantastic - Felix Hernandez, SEA (AL); Clayton Kershaw, LAD (NL)
Red Rover - Brett Anderson, OAK (AL); Tim Lincecum, SF (NL)
Marion's Crackpipe - Felix Hernandez, SEA (AL); Roy Halladay, PHI (NL)
Iafrate's Baldspot - Jon Lester, BOS (AL); Roy Halladay, PHI (NL)

Orioles Facing Brutal Early Schedule

For those who, like me, are expecting big things from the Orioles this year - and by big, I mean hovering around .500 for much of the season - your enthusiasm might be tempered by some tough early season matchups.

Red Sox Nation invades Camden Yards on April 30.

ESPN's Buster Olney reports (must be Insider to read entire article):

Here's a look at the AL early-season schedules, with teams ranked from the toughest (bad news for the Orioles) to the easiest (the Rays catch a break this year).

1. Baltimore Orioles

Home/away: They are home for 15 of their first 35 games.
Games against teams that finished over .500 in 2009: 28 of the first 35. No kidding.
Meat-grinder stuff: From April 23 to May 5, the Orioles play four consecutive series -- 12 straight games -- against the Red Sox and Yankees.

Let's elaborate on those numbers for a second.

• Home/away: They are home for 15 of their first 35 games. The Orioles went 25-56 (.309) on the road and 39-42 (.481) at home last year.

• Games against teams that finished over .500 in 2009: 28 of the first 35. No kidding. Their combined record against those teams was 22-46 (.324). 

                             vs. Tampa: 8-10   
                             vs. Boston: 2-16   
                             vs. New York: 5-13   
                             vs. Seattle: 4-5   
                             vs. Minnesota: 3-2

• Meat-grinder stuff: From April 23 to May 5, the Orioles play four consecutive series -- 12 straight games -- against the Red Sox and Yankees. Shit.

Yea, I think it's pretty safe to assume we'll have a good idea what these O's are capable of right out of the gate.

FEROCIOUS Beltway Battle for Jesus Moniker?!

 Maybe not ferocious, but it'd be a lot cooler if it was.

DCLS favorite Matt Wieters a.k.a "Baseball Jesus" might have some competition across the beltway in Stephen Strasburg a.k.a..."Baseball Jesus"?

Tim Kurkjian reports:

"It's pretty funny,'' Strasburg said, "[Center fielder] Nyger Morgan called me 'Jesus.'''

It's unclear whether Strasburg will start the season in the minors, which was the original expectation, or if Nat's management might be tempted to give him a spot on the opening day roster.

What is clear, however, is that this nickname thing should sort itself out soon enough. The world - let alone the beltway - ain't big enough for two Jesuses. Or is it Jesusi? Jebuses?

I'll just stop.

Orioles and Nats Offseason Projections

Only 16 days until pitchers and catchers report, so the baseball offseason is amazingly all but over, and we can start getting a good idea of what next season holds for the Birds and Nats.

The biggest news to come out is that Nick Markakis now looks like he plays open mic night at Nanny O'Brien's, but the other news is that Baseball Prospectus just released their team projections for 2010. The highlights are that the 3 best teams all will reside in the AL East, the Yankees will be the 3rd best team in the entire league but miss the playoffs, and the Nats are projected to jump up to 82 wins! The Orioles? BP has the birds at a respectable 79 wins, which is impressive when the strength of the competition is considered.

The other exciting news is that Keith Law just ranked the O's farm system as #6 in the league, despite Baseball Jesus and Chris Tillman not counting in that ranking due to their 'graduations'. If that 1 guy and 1 god are included, the O's could very easily be #1 on that list. The bad news is that the Yankees still reside in New York, and the Red Sox and Rays have the #2 and #3 systems. The other bad news is that the Nats sit all the way down at #23.

Law also ranks the top-100 prospects overall, with Strasbourg #2 overall, Oriole Brian Matusz #11, Oriole Zach Britton #25, Nat Derek Norris #31, Oriole Josh Bell #61, Oriole Jake Arrieta #90, and Nat Drew Storen #92. Law also notes that future Nat SS Ian Desmond narrowly missed the top-100.

So where does this leave us? First, I have a new respect for Nick the Greek because of that savage beard. Second, Orioles will not surprisingly again toil below the MLB elite, who happen to reside in the same division. Finally, 2011 is still a big year for the O's, but the Red Sox, Yankees, and Rays are all still better positioned (just wait until Joe Mauer is a Yankee in 2011), so expectations should be tempered, except for one thing.............we've got Wieters.........

(Image courtesy of misterirrelevant.com)

O's: A Growing Threat in AL East

A few days ago, Jeff Passan of Yahoo! Sports wrote a great piece on the emerging Baltimore Orioles, with mentions of the Balticore, The Cavalry, and of course, DCLS favorite Baseball Jesus.

Here's an excerpt below, but be sure to check out the the entire article. Promising stuff.

The praise, almost universal, always comes with a disclaimer. Scouts love the Baltimore Orioles. They want to peg them as baseball’s great darkhorse of 2010, the latest team that can turn homegrown talent into long-term success. Only the scouts won’t go so far, not without a seven-word postscript.

If only they weren’t in that division.

Such is life in the American League East, baseball’s iron maiden, where even the most well-run upstart finds itself trapped underneath the enormity of the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox. The Orioles have spent a dozen miserable seasons thrashing about, the vortex of mismanagement sucking the life out of what once stood as a model franchise. And only now, under general manager Andy MacPhail’s stewardship, is the cannonball hole in the bow fixed and the ship ready for righting.