Now What?

The slow slog of summer has begun approximately 1.5 months too soon. If you're an insane person like me, you had carved out much of your free time for the next six weeks to allow for fretting by day and watching Caps games by night. I actually planned a bachelor party around the potential dates of the Stanley Cup Parade. So I'm feeling pretty empty right now.

Bill Simmons tweeted before Game 7: "If the Caps blow Game 7, DC vaults past Seattle for Most Depressed Sports City honors." I'd say the crown fits. Wouldn't you?

So, what do we have to look forward to until Redskins training camp begins the miserable cycle of DC sports seasons anew? Here's the quick rundown:

Washington Capitals
June 25-26 draft. Perhaps an exciting trade in the works? I'm thinking sign-and-trade Fleischmann for a bale of hay.

July 1: Free agency begins. Probably gone: Shaone Morrissonn, Brendan Morrison, Joe Corvo, Scott Walker. Possibly gone: Eric Belanger. Hopefully re-signed: Boyd Gordon, Eric Fehr, Jeff Schultz. Hopefully newly signed: Free agent stay-at-home and make-yourself-at-home-in-DC Russian defenseman Anton Volchenkov no later than 12:01 AM July 1.

Other potential intrigue: The kids (including American Hero John Carlson, future blueline fixture Karl Alzner, future next-Dale-Hunter Stefan Della Rovere, future 2nd line center Mattieu Perrault and potential future goalie Braden Holtby) go for a second straight Calder Cup championship with Hershey.


Washington Redskins
Endless RI posts falsely boosting our hopes and dreams for the Shanahan era. They've already started: "Redskins Receivers Should Have Great Success In Shanahan's Scheme." Anyone who buys into posts like this, I have a sex-switching unicorn I'd like to sell you.

Other potential intrigue: The Haynesworth saga: Will he stay or will he go?


Washington Nationals
They're currently above .500. They have good chemistry or something. They also have a pretty big NEGATIVE RED run differential, a sure sign they're in for a fall. Most exciting thing to look forward to: Strasburg's late July call-up. It's only a matter of time before Bodog posts a prop-bet on the over/under date for that inevitable happening. When it does, I'm putting all of my current liquid assets (approximately $312.43 plus a coupon for a free coffee) on the under.

Other potential intrigue: Bumbling ownership group and team President Stan Kasten - what new travesty of mismanagement can they think of next?


Baltimore Orioles
Most recently, they swept the sorry Boston Red Sox. 7-19 and climbing! Wieters is pretty good but not quite savior-esque...yet. Roberts is injured (he's getting old, totally predictable), Jones and Markakis are barely hitting and our best player (Ty Wigginton) is a free-agent cast-off whose hot streak will inevitably end. The AL East crown is theirs to lose.

I'm watching closely the progress of the O's future ace, lefty Brian Matusz. Dude is awesome (3-1 K/BB ratio, 1.34 whip, I think that's good). Rookie of the Year type stuff. I have a man-crush. You should too.

Other potential intrigue: When will the rest of the Cavalry arrive? Chris Tillman just pitched a no-hitter down in AAA. Rad.


Washington Wizards
Ironically, the team I'm least interested in owing to their perpetual sorry state and the waste of time that is rooting for a non-Lebron/Kobe/Howard/Wade/Durant/Duncan NBA team, will provide us with the most interesting moment this summer: the NBA DRAFT LOTTERY!! Where hopes and dreams of NBA teams are either made or shattered for the next decade. Consensus #1 pick John Wall is a franchise-changer in the mold of Dwyane Wade, but with a sweeter high school highlight video and more easily rappable name for Wale to throw into a verse. The Wiz have a 10.3% chance of getting the #1 overall pick.

Barring this miracle, apparently the Wizards have more free agent money than originally thought. That's a nice Plan B in case hinging our entire hopes and dreams on a 1 in 10 chance falls through. I bet they sign LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Kobe Bryant and Joba Chamberlain.

Other potential intrigue: New owner Ted Leonsis changing the uniforms and/or team name back to the red, white and blue? Man do I hope so...probably too soon. Leonsis is too savvy to trample all over a DC icon like Abe Pollin before it's time. But 93% of fans want it and Leonsis is a man of the people so it's happening sooner or later.

***

It's going to be a long summer. In the meantime, enjoy The Human Centipede.