Saturday, December 26, 2009

Devils @ Caps, 7 ET

There are people in this world who believe that the 38th game of the NHL regular season is no more or less important than the 1st, 37th, or 82nd.

I am not one of those people.

There are people in this world who believe that a game against a doormat counts just as much as a game against a powerhouse.

I am not one of those people.

There are people in this world who disregard regular season encounters when dissecting postseason matchups.

I am not one of those people.

Fittingly, then, I consider tonight's Caps-Devils tilt at the Verizon Center the biggest game of the season, and one that should provide us with plenty of insight into the legitimacy of the home team's Stanley Cup dreams.

[Image via Alex Ovetjkin]

Some questions to consider tonight:

  • Can the Caps shut down a hot team - or, more specifically, the hottest team in the NHL?
  • Will the boys in red have some extra motivation after blowing leads in all three games against the Devils this year, including two 2-0 advantages?
  • Can Michal Neurvirth continue his strong play in goal?
  • Can Martin Brodeur please discontinue his strong play in goal?
  • Will the Devils' trapping brand of hockey ruin the NHL?

Okay, so maybe those last two are just vented frustrations from past experiences against New Jersey, but still.

We're not even at the halfway point, but playoff positioning is already at stake. The Devils are 1 point ahead in the Eastern Conference with 2 games in hand.

We lose this game, that discrepancy grows. We lose this game, it's clear that the Devils are in our heads. We lose this game, and it's pretty conclusive that we don't want to see Marty B and co. in May.

So I think I speak on behalf of all of Caps Nation with three simple words:

Get it done.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Week 16 Picks: Fat Albert's Awful Christmas Present

Dallas week, and I can't help but think the Redskins are about to give me a steaming pile of shit for a Christmas present. We are a disaster and everything is looking like an embarrassing loss. Not only did last week expose us, but now Zorn and the rest of the staff are probably even more checked-out, and now Fat Albert sounds like he is checking out. The worst part is that Fat Albert was probably not the only one. Don't they realize they are playing for their jobs? The new coach and Bruce Allen will hopefully want to remove any players who have the awful ways of the past regime ingrained in them. Fat Albert is a veteran leader, and it is the veteran leaders who need to get this team pumped up for what should be our Super Bowl. A Dallas disaster would just be the piss icing on this turd cake season.

On to the picks..........FO's 'locks of the week' are now 8-10 with 2 'locks' this week, their 'reasonable' picks are 28-36, and their 'stay away' picks are 71-65. Please note that differences in total games picked is a result of us using slightly different spreads.

The standings (with pushes excluded):
Sports Guy
: 7-8 last week 115-104 overall (52.5%)
FO: 5-8 last week, 107-111 overall (49.1%)
DCLS: 5-8 last week, 104-114 overall (47.7%)

As usual, the FO picks are listed in order of confidence, and I have bolded a team wherever I differ (home teams in CAPS).
  1. Buffalo +9 over ATLANTA - FO actually likes the Bills straight up, so this is a home run for them. Matty ice is playing, but FO's certainty is swaying me.
  2. SAN FRANCISCO -12 over Detroit - 12 points is a lot for FO, but SF is tied with Cincy and the Pack as their #1 straight-up pick. I will stick with my theory of picking anyone playing the Lions.
  3. Denver +7 over PHILADELPHIA - The Iggles are only FO's #13 straight-up pick, but guess what? They are now FO's #1 team!
  4. Oakland +3 over CLEVELAND - The QB toilet bowl is ruined! Jamarcus and Derek Anderson didn't make it to week 16. Chaz Frye would be a solid contender, but he and Brady Quinn are at least 18 times better than the guys I was hoping to not watch
  5. San Diego +3 over TENNESSEE - FO has the Bolts straight up, and I agree, roll with the hot hand.
  6. Baltimore +3 over PITTSBURGH - I still don't trust the Steelers. That onside kick was just straight-up manly, I wonder whether Tomlin's granite balls chaffe, or are sanded to a shiny finish to they swish gently by his knees. I also wonder whether Tomlin might actually not be a great coach. He was brought into an incredibly stable situation with a terrific roster and great defensive coach. The Nevermores are FO's #2 team.
  7. Minnesota -7 over CHICAGO - I still don't trust the Vikings, but my dislike of the Bears is a much stronger force. Da Bears are also 4-10 against the spread. The realization that maybe Brett Favre isn't such a great QB is kind of refreshing, right? He also takes the spotlight off of the Skins.
  8. NEW ENGLAND -8 over Jacksonville - This line seems a bit high to me, but then I saw that the Jags are 5-9 against the spread. The Jags are also FO's #22 team by the metrics giving more weight to recent performance, so this is not a good team.
  9. NEW YORK GIANTS -7 over Carolina - Was last week the exception, or the start of a run by the G Men? They could thrash the Panthers and we would still have no idea.
  10. GREEN BAY -14 over Seattle - A team that has been consistently underrated is finally a big favorite against the team that has been consistently underrated. I still like the Pack to bounce-back from last week's tough loss.
  11. Tampa Bay +14 over NEW ORLEANS - Tampa, really?
  12. Dallas -7 over WASHINGTON - Maybe the Swinging Gate will work this time.........or maybe not. Fat Albert being dismissed from practice is also not making me happy. This is our Super Bowl though, so hopefully the team gets it together quickly.
  13. Houston +3 over MIAMI - FO ranks the Texans as slightly better, but has the Fins straight up probably thanks to home-field. I'll take the points here, because I still don't know what to make the Texans.
  14. New York Jets +5.5 over INDIANAPOLIS - Same problem as last week, how long will the Colts starters play. The Jets are still FO's #1 defense, but I think Peyton plays the whole game, and that D still isn't enough to stop him. Oh, and the Sanchize still sucks.
  15. Kansas City +14 over CINCINNATI - The Bungles didn't have a full week of practice because of Chris Henry's funeral, but the Chiefs blow and are 5-9 against the spread; the Chiefs will let you down!
  16. ARIZONA -14 over St. Louis - I realize the Cards can't be trusted, and the Rams are 7-7 against the spread, but I stick with the favorites.
Maybe we get it together, and maybe I nail my picks to get back over .500. And maybe my dick will grow 4 inches tomorrow.

(Image courtesy of

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Week 15: Giants 45, Redskins 12 - Knee Jerk Reactions

Or, my preferred title, Embarrassingly Drunken Texts Between Embarrassingly Drunken Fans.

First Quarter

"Only one thing I'm sure about tonight, we'll both be drinking heavily."

"I'm too drunk to fuck. Why does Landry suck so hard?"

"This is not pretty. You may win in fantasy on garbage scores."

Second Quarter

"This is the closest I've ever been to killing myself. And 90,000 other people."

"I have Jeff Feagles on my fantasy team, can we at least force a punt?"

"Bring back Vinny!"

"Almost as bad as Caps-Pens game 7."

"That was the single worst play in NFL history."

Third Quarter

"This whole game has felt like the end of the Saints game. The 'are you fucking kidding me?!' feeling."


"Are you still at this embarrassment?"

"This game is such a piece of shit. Hope the tailgate was fun..."

Fourth Quarter

"It's lke they're trying to run out the clock but might score by accident."

"I was embarrassed to watch that."

"We control our own destiny for the 10th pick in the draft."