Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Alex Ovechkin's Life is Better Than Yours

I had seen the first picture, but not the other two of Alex Ovechkin partying on a yacht in Turkey this summer until today. I must say that these types of pictures used to make me much happier, reveling in the fact that our Russian superstars could party and still dominate the league. Now that we, ummm...yeah, I can't help but think that Sidney Crosby is living in his boss's basement, shooting pucks into a washing machine and Ovie and co. should be doing power skating or defense 101. Ohhhh, wait, that's right, Crosby choked even worse than Ovie in the playoffs. So that means while Ovie is living it up, Crosby is just living in a basement, awesome.

No comment needed

Looks like she won the kissing Ovie competition

The art of seduction? Crosby, take note

(Images courtesy of

The Robbery is in Progress! Pirates Stealing our Orioles Cavalry Nickame

When I nicknamed the bevy of Oriole pitching prospects in the minors "The Cavalry", over a year ago, little did I know I would that it would become so internationally popular. Okay, well not exactly popular with Oriole fans or about the Orioles per se, but now the Pittsburgh Pirates radio network has decided to steal the nickname for the "slew" of prospects they are graduating to the majors (I am pretty sure the guy on the right is the culprit). Not only do I already hate Pittsburgh, but we came up with this one year ago!

We have been tracking The Cavalry's progress here and here, as well as referenced the nickname many times. This is not the first time a nickname of ours has been stolen, see the battle for "Baseball Jesus" which has now been decided by Matt Wieters becoming "Blue Balls" and Stephen Strasburg confirming that he is the Messiah. Now the Pirates radio network is getting publicity on an (insider) article by Kevin Goldstein. That coulda been us?!? Well, maybe not.....

(Image courtesy of

Monday, June 14, 2010

Shirts All DC Bros Should Own

Let me tell you a little about myself - I'm a bro.

I usually wear this on my sleeve, even though it's probably less apparent through the internet than face to face interactions.

In that light, here are some shirts all bros or aspiring bros should own. I already own a couple; so should you:

Brian Orakbro

Stephen Strasbro

Alex Brovechkin

Adam Brones

Bro Theismann

Don't Ice Me Bro

Satire Is Fun, Featuring Stephen Strasburg

For those of you who have read this blog since its inception over a year ago, you can probably tell I'm not a religious person. After all, I'm the guy who refers to Matt Wieters as Baseball Jesus, Jeffrey Maier as the antichrist, and Stephen Strasburg as Baseball Jesus II. Periodically, I unintentionally misspell Jesus with Jebus, and also, until two weeks ago, I thought "bible" was a verb that meant to "to drink".

So, for a laid back, non-religious, clearly-going-to-hell guy like me, the following satire from SB Nation Arizona's Justin Burning is hilarious:

After two pretty decent starting performances by Washington Nationals rookie Stephen Strasburg, Christian and Jewish leaders have come together in admitting that their doctrines have been inaccurate to this point.

"As it turns out, Strasburg is actually the messiah," said Pope Benedict XVI. "It's a simple mistake, really. We were looking for the wrong miracles. We all expected walking on water, healing the sick and other similar sorts of shenanigans. But we should have been tipped off by the 100 mph fastball."

The Pope paused briefly to laugh to himself and shake his head before continuing, "Have you seen that thing? It's smokin'. Struck those fools out looking."

Religious folks around the world have begun congregating en mass to determine how Strasburg's ascension to demigod will affect their lives going forward.

Devout Christian Bob Jones said, "Jesus Christ was a fine fellow, but 14 strikeouts? Shit's insane."

Already, Strasburg's followers have begun theorizing about the extent of his abilities.

"I heard his change-up can cleanse the soul of all sin," said Rosa Cortez, attendee of a local Washington D.C.-area Catholic church. "They're also saying he's got a curve ball that heals all physical disease."

Perhaps Strasburg's impact since June 8th 2010 is best summarized by Rabbi Jacob Horowitz, "We are all better people for having witnessed Strasburg's killer pitching arsenal. It's unreal. Total Major League stuff. Christ. Oops, I mean ... Strasburg."

Be sure to click the full link for the graphic.

Also, I'm pretty sure we can put phrases like "Strasburg's change-up cleanses the soul of all sin" and "His curveball heals all physical disease" up there on the hilarity scale with Wieters Facts.