Saturday, June 13, 2009

*THUD!* Gary Bettman Passes Out Face First Into Ground After Cumming Pants For Twelve Consecutive Hours


It is through gritted teeth that the DC Landing Strip today congratulates the Pittsburgh Penguins on their Stanley Cup victory over the Detroit Red Wings in Game 7 Friday night. Though DC reserves its deepest seeds of hockey - and possibly overall sporting - hatred for you, Penguins, we're still man enough to acknowledge when our rivals have achieved greatness. You were the best team in the league from February on and proved to be throughout these playoffs. Goddamnit.

So get drunk with the Cup, use it as a ball-marker on the golf course, have your baby daughters poop in it, do whatever you want. It's yours until Ovechkin decides otherwise, so cherish it.

I'll save my post destroying your hypocritical bandwagonning fan base and pathetic Bettman-propped franchise for another day.


  1. I will wish no congratulations on Pittsburgh. The Conn Smythe Trophy winner was allowed to play in clear violation of league rules.

    Also, did you know Crosby still lives with Mario Lemieux?

    Did you know Crosby is a little bitch?

    Did you know Crosby was planning to save his anal virginity for the Stanley Cup since he was a little girl, until he met Alex Ovechkin?


  2. Crosby did not show up for the 1st half of the biggest game of his career, and then literally did not play in the 2nd half.

    I also find it amazing that his injury was said to be in his midsection, which is where his vagina is located.


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