It is through gritted teeth that the DC Landing Strip today congratulates the Pittsburgh Penguins on their Stanley Cup victory over the Detroit Red Wings in Game 7 Friday night. Though DC reserves its deepest seeds of hockey - and possibly overall sporting - hatred for you, Penguins, we're still man enough to acknowledge when our rivals have achieved greatness. You were the best team in the league from February on and proved to be throughout these playoffs. Goddamnit.
So get drunk with the Cup, use it as a ball-marker on the golf course, have your baby daughters poop in it, do whatever you want. It's yours until Ovechkin decides otherwise, so cherish it.
I'll save my post destroying your hypocritical bandwagonning fan base and pathetic Bettman-propped franchise for another day.