Thursday, March 4, 2010

Welcome to the Squad, Scottie

Put yourself in the shoes of a Boston Bruins fan for a moment, if you will. Quickly get over your disgusting beer gut, bald head and poor hygiene and imagine it is May 10, 2009, Game 5 of the East Semifinals against the Carolina Hurricanes. You're up 4-0 and sitting pretty. Out of nowhere, some little fourth-line weasel sucker punches one of your top 4 blueliners. WHAT A ####### &*%#)*&@ BASTARD!! you think. HE'LL DEFINITELY BE SUSPENDED.

It will only get worse my bizarrely accented friend. Because the arbitrary wheel of NHL justice decided to kick your Nomaaah-lovin' butts where it hurts: no suspension. Now cut to overtime of game 7 when that same said weasel decides to score his first ever playoff goal and end your magical season forever and ever:

Ladies and gentlemen of Boston, Scott Walker just owned you. Ok, now you can be a Caps fan again.

On thursday night Mr. Walker, a.k.a. Wild Thing, just welcomed himself to D.C. with total awesomeness. In his first game in the red, white and blue, Walker notched two late third period goals, both of which were grind-em-out backhanded rebounds, one of which served as the game-winner against a hungry Tampa Bay team that had just clawed its way back into the game.

These are exactly the types of goals the Scott Walkers of the world are paid to score. The ones that happen when you need them most, when you least expect them, and by the guy the other team wants to squash like a bug. He is precisely the type of fourth-line spark plug who kicks butt in the playoffs. Eric Belanger, Joe Corvo and Milan Jurcina are technically better players, but Scott Walker might prove to be the most valuable trade deadline addition. Between he and Matt Bradley other teams will have their hands full with the feisty clutch grinder department.

There are certain hockey players who make you think "I hate that guy...but I'd love to have him on my team." Scott Walker is one of those guys. Welcome aboard, Scottie.

[Image via Getty/ESPN]


  1. I'd like to make an addendum to this post:

    Scott Walker scored two goals in 7:33 of ice time.

    Scott Walker's G/60 is currently 16.0.

    Small sample size? I don't know what you're talking about.

  2. Someone on Japers' compared him to Esa Tikkanen the other day. Perhaps if we make the cup, history won't repeat itself? (Still painful...)

  3. I was thiiiiiis close to putting in a Tikannen and Matthew Barnaby comparison. Retracted.

  4. Honestly, that cheapshot was a fucking joke, and I'm not sure how he wasn't suspended.

    Idiot. May as well be Janssen or Koci.


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