Sunday, October 18, 2009

Week 6: Chiefs 14, Redskins 6 - Knee Jerk Reactions

Football season is in full swing! The hair pulling, TV-screaming, remote control throwing and furious cigarette smoking is in full force. Before I let rationality cloud my judgment, here are my knee-jerk reactions from the sixth game of the season:

-Channeling Conan O'Brien here: "Watching the Redskins. Some say a waste of time. Others say: an incredible waste of time."

-I no longer have the energy to feel anger. Only sadness. At this point, what do we have to hope for? That one day Snyderrato will magically flip the switch from "incompetent meddling idiots" to "patient efficient and clever"? That our ridiculous long-term salary commitments will disappear, or that the players with these contracts will improve as they inch towards football senility? It's going to be a long and brutal 5-10 years at least. Probably longer. Hence, sadness.

-If Zorn makes it past the bye week still employed, I will post a naked picture of myself on this blog. And I'm not saying that just to attract more readers, even though that's a probable consequence (I am a beautiful specimen).

-Haynesworth and Golston were beasts inside, and Carter played great again. And the silverware on the Titanic was top-notch.

-Orakpo rushing from end is a beautiful thing. We've said it before, we will say it until we're blue in the internet face: it's not rocket science. PLAY HIM AT END PERMANENTLY. Christ on a crutch.

-Did you see that play where D******* Hall tackled a slow, plodding QB late in the game before he was dragged 8 yards for a first down? I nearly peed my pants.

-Campbell was absolutely horiffic. And all you Collins-lovers out there, how'd he do replacing JC17?

-Heyer does not belong in the NFL. Mike Williams is not completely awful though.

-Portis not getting in the end zone on the long run is another in a long line of signs that he is washed up. Why can't he cut it inside and take it to the house? You and Sellers and one guy to beat and you can't get past him????? And did anyone NOT foresee a field goal after he was tackled?

-Speaking of Portis, I was a big fan of benching him to light a little fire under him. Lasted for one play.

-Landry is a clown. I'm not really on the fence with him anymore. He overpursues more than a cougar at closing time.

-Did anyone else see that the TAMPA BAY BUCANEERS SCORED 21 POINTS? And that the Saints put up 34 on the Giants in the first half alone? We have to have the longest streak without 20 points in the NFL. I know, I'm so greedy.

-How 'bout that CBS feed cutting out for a solid 15 minutes? Feel free to share in the comments what you did during these 15 minutes. Or any jokes about why it happened.

-2-14 is the goal for me now. High draft pick, and an ever-so-slight chance that Snyder wakes up and realizes how bad Vinny Cerrato is, and actually fires him. That's when the next adventure starts. Remember, adventures can often suck, though they can also end in glory.

[Image via Mr. Irrelevant]


  1. What's worse than a wasted timeout? Wasting time before wasting timeouts. Example A: The Redskins letting 5 seconds tick off the clock on the Chiefs last drive (from 1:24 to 1:19) before deciding on taking a timeout. It didn't matter in the end, but these are the types of things that are just baffling to me. How can Zorn not have rehearsed this? How can he possibly undervalue those 5 seconds? Why does he look so confused and overwhelmed on the sidelines? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?

  2. I think the NFL pulled the plug because the game was such a horror show that the league wanted us unfortunate viewers to witness the competent football being played by the Ravens and Vikings.

    Little did they know that watching the good football only made me more depressed.

  3. Also, can we start the cries to bench Todd Collins yet?

  4. Is it possible to trade all offensive "weapons" with any value left for back-up linemen on other teams. I don't see how this could be bad, except we have no offensive weapons. Although, Moss could probably land on his feet somewhere and be worth a 4th-5th round pick or young offensive lineman. Cut Samuels. He's not actually bad, but we will never be good while he's around, we might as well give him a chance somewhere.

    I don't mean to keep bringing this up, but when Portis went out 3 years ago, Betts came in and rushed for 1,100 yards in just over half the season. I am not saying ride the Betts bus, I am simply saying, get the fuck off of the Portis bus. The bus driver has weird hairdos that make him appear to be clinically insane, he has extremely thick glasses and has no idea where the road even is anymore, instead he crashes into every mailbox and lamppost around. Not to mention little old ladies can run him down. The worst part is that even though the tires are low on air, the bus driver keeps insisting that the bus is fine. No wait, the worst part is that the bus sucks at football. The real worst part is I used a cliche bus analogy and completely overdid it.

    Oh, and sit Moss. Just to see if Devin Thomas and Malcolm Kelly can do anything before we resign them for big money on potential after next year.

    I agree our D-Line is and should be one of the best in football.


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