Saturday, March 27, 2010

Agent Zero Avoids Jail, but Wiz Fans Do Not

Now that Gilbert Arenas is a free man, he has put a stranglehold on the title of 'Worst Contract in the NBA', and Wizards fans must suffer through 5 years of being in 'fan jail'. While Gil is likely ecstatic that he miraculously avoided being locked in a cell, he is now going to hold the Wizards and their fans for the next 5 years in a place I like to call 'not in the playoffs'. This experience will be nothing new to us Bullets fans, but just because you've been kicked in the balls before, doesn't mean it won't hurt getting kicked again.

Don't get me wrong, I still support the rebuilding process while Gil is here, because it will at least give us a shot at an elite player in the draft and allow us to develop some young players - I just can't wait until the day we are free of the contract and fully move forward.

I think we should all basically try to pretend Gil doesn't exist. Even though I realize Gil plays the same position as the #1 prospect in the draft, don't tell me I'm the only one who played's lottery+mock draft at least 27 times to get the Wiz to 'win' John Wall (but maybe I'm the only one who printed that screen and put it on my wall.......framed....).

In the meantime, the only excitement we are getting will be during the draft lottery (which, given my lack of success with the simulator, already looks like a night of drinking myself into a stupor). We can also at least hope for some new Agent Zero antics in the form of Six Shooter, like dumps in teammates' shoes; a wise man once told me, pooping in sneakers is always funny. I am now dreaming of a Wiz team comprised of Six Shooter, Young Sushi, and Josh Howard, for pure entertainment sake, as well as John long as Six Shooter keeps his guns and turds away from our prized possession.

(Image courtesy of


  1. I also played the lottery over 20 times to get John Wall. I've decided, however, that I'd be perfectly happy with Cousins, Turner, or Wesley Johnson, so the inevitable disaster that is NBA Lottery Night can't be too painful. (Also: Ed Davis, no thank you).

  2. I also must add that getting the #1 pick would also cause me to drink myself into a stupor. That way, after I wake up and forget what happened, I can be just as excited the 2nd time hearing that we're getting John Wall.

    Turner and Cousins are great, but Wall is a franchise-changer - the type of guy who could lead a team to a championship, and the only guy I see in this draft as having the potential to be the best player on a championship team one day.

  3. "don't tell me I'm the only one who played's lottery+mock draft at least 27 times to get the Wiz to 'win' John Wall"

    Got Wall on the 5th try, then again on the 9th and 10th tries, then again on the 23rd try. Hey Ted, let me sit at the lottery podium!

  4. 3 of my first 6, including try #2. Beat that.

    Except one of the 3 times the Wizards won, the Trade Machine inexplicably had them take Greg Monroe.


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