Hallalujah Jeebus! Nylander Finally Exported, Critical Cap Space Imported

`God save thee, ancient Mariner !
From the fiends, that plague thee thus !--
Why look'st thou so ?'--With my cross-bow
I shot the ALBATROSS.

-Samuel Taylor Coleridge, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

And just like that, Nylander and his cap-crippling $4.875 million salary are off to the KHL's Dynamo Minsk which sounds like a fancy fur coat (link in French, mon frere). McPhee hasn't confirmed it, but the major hurdles have been cleared: 1) Nylander agreed to waive his no-movement clause 2) so that he could be waived 3) which he was 4) which frees the Caps of his Albatross contract. Since it's not finalized I didn't want to jinx it, but I just can't takes it no more. Our long national nightmare is finally over!



The question is now: what to do with this cap space? We're like overwhelmed kid in a candy store right now who is allowed 5 pounds of anything. We need some time to comb the aisles to find just the right combo. Also, to wait to hear from daddy whether we in fact do get 5 free pounds.

More to come on this...

[h/t to Japers' Rink commenter Scott in Shaw for the gif]

Second Line Center: Who Ya Got?

With Sergei Fedorov and Viktor Kozlov forsaking freedom and liberty and all things American, choosing instead to return to Mother Russia's cold, iron teat (hello Magnitogorsk!) the Capitals knew they had at least two glaring holes in their offense heading into the start of free agency. George McPhee took care of one of those needs by signing Mike Knuble to play right wing on the Ovechkin-Backstrom line, but a void (potentially a much bigger one) exists at the second-line center position.

Not the guy the Caps want to see playing second-line center

You don't need look any farther than the Pittsburgh Penguins to see how critical the center position is in today's NHL; Crosby, Malkin and Staal give them, without much argument, the league's top trio of centers.

The Caps, who looked to have an embarrassment of riches at center not long ago, currently have a young Swede and not a whole lot else. Fedorov's departure coupled with Michael Nylander's perpetually-circular suckitude means that there's no proven pivot on the roster that can consistently play both ends of the ice beyond Backstrom.

So what's Bruce Boudreau to do come opening night? To our mind, there are a few options; here's a list of the candidates:

The Favorites:

Brooks Laich

George McPhee believes No. 21 can be the team's full-time second line center, citing Laich's performance there during Fedorov's multiple stints on the injured list this season. While you know Laich's going to bring a balls-out effort every night, he's not the greatest puck-handler, and his passing abilities are nondescript. Even though he's officially listed as a center, he's made his mark on the wing. Unless Laich takes a jump next season (and at 26, it's not impossible), we'd rather see him stick to the wing.

Someone Else Who Isn't Currently on the Roster:

Sly Fox McPhee has been mighty coy of late when talking about planned roster moves. But with the team already pushing the limits of the salary cap, McPhee acknowledged that any new acquisitions will need to come via the trade market. While that might be code for "if we can convince Glen Sather or Bob Gainey to take Nylander," there could be other players on the move if it brought the right return. Shaone Morrissonn isn't likely to return to the team next season, though if he accepts his qualifying offer or loses out through arbitration, the Caps could trade him to a team looking for blue-line depth between now and the start of the regular season.

The Underdogs:

Keith Aucoin:

The little guy from Hershey made a decent showing during a couple of short stints in Washington last season (6 points in 12 games), but his age (will turn 31 in November) and size (5'9'', 187) work against him. Still, he's quick, he's a vet, and McPhee has implied that he's in the team's plans for 2009-10. Still, unlikely he's got the size for the full-time gig.

The Undesirables:

The Tin Man:

He's slow, looks completely out of place on an NHL playing surface, doesn't move very well and lacks heart. Considering him for the No. 2 spot would be utterly idiotic.

Michael Nylander:

Same as above, except this guy earns $5.5 million next season.

It's Official: Fedorov Signs 2-year deal with KHL
It's been a swell ride, but it was time. With Kozlov, Brashear, and now Fedorov departing, the off-season salary shedding is going exactly as predicted.

So, umm...Fedorov is Done, Right? Right?!?!**

I keep waiting for the balls news to drop about Sergei Fedorov officially signing in Russia, and it keeps not happening. According to Fedorov’s agent Pat Brisson, negotiations are ongoing with the Caps. Is McPhee inching closer to Fedorov’s demands or vice versa? I don’t know and it makes me nervous, like I just dropped my kid off at day care and Gary Glitter introduced himself as the headmaster.

When the Caps wrapped up their season last month, Fedorov had this to say:

“I still have got some legs left and I'm still enjoying the game and I'm certainly enjoying this group of young and very talented players. I didn't think about retiring. By saying that, I would like to continue to play. With the young legs around me, it's really helpful…I haven't met with the coaches or GM yet, but I hope the feeling is mutual because I really enjoy this organization and it's an awesome city to play in, too.”

Oh Sergei how you flatter me so. Unfortunately, it’s 2009 and I’m not sure I can return the favor. Sorry homeslice.

If the rumors are true and KHL club Metallurg Magnitogorsk is offering Fedorov $3.8 million over two seasons, that’s about $2 million per season more than the Caps can and should offer (Feds made $4 million this season). As previously noted, the Caps are a few obvious summer re-signings away from having ~$52 million in salary towards the 2009-2010 salary cap. With the cap decreasing (TBA) from its current $56.7 million line, the Caps will barely be able to afford a taco let alone a washed up 40-year-old centerman. Unless we’re talkin’ Crosby’s mom’s taco, which can be had on the cheap.

And washed up is exactly what Fedorov is at this point. Let’s take a ride down the Fedorov Numbers Slide, soon debuting at a crappy Russian amusement park near you (click to enlarge):


More alarmingly, if it’s possible to have a more alarming red flag than declining games, goals, and points totals, Fedorov has become a penalty-committing machine, and killing penalties is the Caps' kryptonite. At this point in his career only Crosby’s mother hooks more than Fedorov, but with Crosby’s mom at least you get something out of it before feeling shame. He just doesn't have the legs to skate with guys any more, and it hurts to watch him fall to the ice untouched, which happened frequently this season.

I was ecstatic when McPhee acquired Fedorov last spring for a mid-level prospect, and he actually scored a game-winner in a Game 7, which never happens in DC let alone to the Caps. And the dude will always be a legend, and I'll always be a fan. But it's time to get real. Nylander’s corpse and a slowing Fedorov (the nominal second-line centers) produced 7% of the Caps' goals and 9% of their points while eating up 15% of the cap space in '08-'09. McPhee simply has to do better than that. Step one is parting ways with Feds.

**All of this is moot, of course, if Nylander the albatross agrees to waive his no-movement clause, cross his fingers and pass through waivers (a.k.a. the Atlanta Thrashers) and go on loan to the KHL, NHL salary cap hit free. Something tells me he (his wife) is cool stealing Leonsis’ fat checks, though. I hate you for making me want to ditch Fedorov you lutefisk eating bastard.

[Image via Wikipedia Commons]

This Would Be Like Christmas Times a Million...4.875 Million to be Exact

Well fuck me sideways with a lunch box.

It appears our wet dream of Michael Nylander's deadweight $4.875 million salary coming off the Caps' books just miiiiiiiight come true. Avangard Omsk of Russia's KHL, better known as "the suckers who paid off Jagr's gambling debt in exchange for a season of half-hearted loafing," is interested in employing Michael Nylander's services. Jagr had an MVP-like season when Nylander centered him in New York back in '05-'06, and they're totally besties. Since Jagr is a moody queen with tantalizing talent it seems as though he's got Avangard Omsk over the barrel on this one, jibber-jabbering about a return to the NHL. Of course I just jinxed everything.

[Michael Nylander's BFF. Image via Japers Rink]

The Caps will have around $52 million in salary towards the cap heading into next season, not accounting for potential promotions from Hershey (besides Alzner, a given) and/or free agent signings. The salary cap's probably going down from $56.7 million, too. Based on absolutely nothing, I'm guessing it'll be...$53 million. With Circles off the books, the Caps would have nearly $6 million in salary cap space to work with. Chris Pronger's at $6.25 million for one more year, if you haven't heard.

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Aaaaand, my non-sexual boner's gone. I get those from time to time. Back to work.

Kozlov Peacing to the Motherland, Fedorov Next?

There's an old saying in Russia: eat your borscht or your father will beat the shit out of you with a vodka bottle. And so it is that Victor Kozlov has chosen to uproot his family from the cozy tropics of Florida and relocate them to some ungodly frozen hellhole called Salavat where he can teach his sons the ways we used to do it in the olden days, see. Kozlov will join former Nashville Predators star (oxymoron?) Alexander Radulov on the first line of Salavat Yulaev Ufa, the KHL club that plays there apparently. And of course known defensive stalwart Oleg Tverdosky who anchored the blueline for the '08-'09 KHL regular season champs. What a league.

We at the DC Landing Strip would like to thank Kozlov for completing one lethal fucking first line for two years, for a wicked beautiful wrister and for a timely goal here or there. But it's time to make way for some cheap youngsters who don't absolutely shit the bed come playoff time.

***

Meanwhile Sergei Fedorov is flirting with KHL team Metallurg Magnitogorsk like they were a pre-teen tennis star - though he might just be leveraging this offer to get an extension with the Caps. For two years at $3.8 million per. Uh-huh.

Listen buddy, I tried this last weekend and the hot chick dancing on the bar just doesn't care that the fat troll in the corner wants you. If you or I were the Artist formerly Known as Sergei Fedorov, maybe that would work. Alas, I am not. And neither is 2009 Sergei. If the Caps actually match the offer, I will light my nuts on fire in a public square. Take it to the bank.