Kozlov Peacing to the Motherland, Fedorov Next?

There's an old saying in Russia: eat your borscht or your father will beat the shit out of you with a vodka bottle. And so it is that Victor Kozlov has chosen to uproot his family from the cozy tropics of Florida and relocate them to some ungodly frozen hellhole called Salavat where he can teach his sons the ways we used to do it in the olden days, see. Kozlov will join former Nashville Predators star (oxymoron?) Alexander Radulov on the first line of Salavat Yulaev Ufa, the KHL club that plays there apparently. And of course known defensive stalwart Oleg Tverdosky who anchored the blueline for the '08-'09 KHL regular season champs. What a league.

We at the DC Landing Strip would like to thank Kozlov for completing one lethal fucking first line for two years, for a wicked beautiful wrister and for a timely goal here or there. But it's time to make way for some cheap youngsters who don't absolutely shit the bed come playoff time.

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Meanwhile Sergei Fedorov is flirting with KHL team Metallurg Magnitogorsk like they were a pre-teen tennis star - though he might just be leveraging this offer to get an extension with the Caps. For two years at $3.8 million per. Uh-huh.

Listen buddy, I tried this last weekend and the hot chick dancing on the bar just doesn't care that the fat troll in the corner wants you. If you or I were the Artist formerly Known as Sergei Fedorov, maybe that would work. Alas, I am not. And neither is 2009 Sergei. If the Caps actually match the offer, I will light my nuts on fire in a public square. Take it to the bank.