Worst Wizards Jerseys Ever

Welcome to the long-awaited 4th part in this painful series of worst jerseys for all of our beloved professional DC-area teams. The Redskin and Oriole lists were painful but maybe slightly therapeutic, while the Nats list was just pathetic.

With the Wizards season beyond the point of anger and bordering on disinterest, I think it is an appropriate time to reflect on the horrendous history of this franchise by ranking the worst Bullets/Wizards jerseys that a 'fan' can own today. Once again, here is the criteria for the list:
The jersey must be one that would make fellow fans either:

1. Angry
2. Disgusted
3. Think the guy wearing the jersey is an idiot

Please note that any jerseys that are funny bad are not included, and with the pathetic history of the Bullets/Wizards, there are a lot of jerseys that are more humorous than anger inducing. Without further ado, our bottom 10 in reverse order (least terrible to most terrible):

10) Michael Ruffin #51 - In addition to being a bad NBA player who probably should not have been in the league, all he reminds me of is this play against the Raptors.

9) Ben Wallace #30 - The talent that has passed through the Wizards/Bullets in the past 20 years is startling and infuriating; here is the first example of several on this list. In his years with the Wiz, he was a fan favorite as an energy guy, and was a rotation player with the potential to be more because he was so athletic and had great defenseive metrics. So why did we give him up? To acquire Ike freakingAustin! Not only that, but Big Ben was not the centerpiece of that deal by any means, so it is hard to believe the Wiz couldn't have held onto him while still acquiring Austin. Frustrating in1999, and infuriating now. He would be higher, but he was such a likable player when he was here.

8) Rasheed Wallace #30 - Amazing, we drafted him #4 overall, gave him 1 year at the ripe old age of 21, and then, in one of Wes Unseld's first moves as GM, traded him for Rod Strickland and Harvey Grant. Wes, we'll get back to you, so let's move on.....

7) Jerry Stackhouse #42 - He was a big name when we acquired him, but was really just an inefficient high volume scorer. More importantly we continue the trend here of trading a great young player, Rip Hamilton, to obtain an older overrated player. Thanks MJ.

6) Ike Austin #8 - And now the waste of space who cost us Big Ben Wallace and was somehow supposed to solve all of our problems at center. I have no idea what Wes Unseld saw in a guy who averaged under 10 ppg and 5 rpg while shooting about 40% from the field as a center! He would have still made this list if Ben Wallace hadn't been involved in the trade, but that just puts him over the top. I bet he is ridiculously fat now.

5) Juwan Howard #5 - Is this the first guy to definitely hold the title of worst contract in the NBA? Sure, he gave us some nice years, but his ridiculous beyond ridiculous contract courtesy of Wes Unseld was an albatross. Imagine if that money had been spent on C-Webb? My liver is squirming.....

4) Mitch Richmond #2 - Now the worst of Unseld's moves, trading C-Webb for a 33 yr old shooter. Trading young for old? check. Big for small? check. Multi-talented for pure scorer? check. Tremendous future potential for minimal if any current gains? check.

3) Michael Jordan #23 - Maybe we shouldn't have been sucked-in, but he brought so much false hope and as we now know, is a complete asshole. If you haven't read Michael Leahy's When Nothing Else Matters: Michael Jordan's Last Comeback, you should. The book shows Jordan's true side that we all saw during his HOF induction speech.

The one instance where this jersey is acceptable

2) Kwame Brown #5 - Labradford Smith and Tom Gugliotta jerseys are funny, Kwame's is not. Every time I get a glimmer of hope we will get the top pick and draft a franchise-changer, I feel feverish eyes thanks to memories/stories of Kwame crying in the locker room.

1) Gilbert Arenas #0 - I hope you aren't surprised. Where to begin? He isn't an all-star anymore, and will never be, dropped the fun personality, and is now the proud owner of the worst contract in the league.

Dishonorable Mention:
-Peter John Ramos #34
-Samaki Walker #52
-Courtney Alexander #4 - He should have been awesome after scoring 17 ppg as a 23 yr old, but was not.
-Jarvis Hayes #24 - I always hated him. Just a shooter who we wasted a pick and lot of minutes on. He missed making the top-10 by thismuch.

Gil is #1, hands-down, but what does everyone else think? Trust me, once you dig into the ugly memories, you will come out better, or at least not as pissed off about the current season.

(Images courtesy of washingtonpost.com and si.com)

Worst Nationals Jersey Ever

As pathetic as the Nationals have been, their short existence in DC and the expectance of their inteptitude has led to this being our only worst jersey list being under 10, because frankly, we can't come up with any others.

Again, the criteria for our list is a jersey that would make fellow fans either:

-Angry
-Disgusted
-Think the guy wearing the jersey is an idiot

As before, please note that any jerseys that are funny bad are not included. Jerseys are is listed in reverse order (least terrible to most terrible):

9) Brad Wilkerson #6 - Not something horrible, but a reminder of a guy who seemed to have so much promise and now is in baseball oblivion.

8) Alfonso Soriano #12 - He had a fine Nationals 'career', but his presence contributed to a team going nowhere, and then Bowden was unable to trade him for anything, let alone anything useful. Just a symbol of the Bowden era that is tough to swallow.

7) Tim Redding #17 - He might seem a little out of place to you, but that is why I have a story. At the semi-tender age of 15, my friend's brother was at an MLB All-Star game party in Houston (poor guy, I know) and walking around with a pen trying to get some autographs from players in attendance. The room was filled with MLB All-Stars past and present. Everyone was having a jolly-good time until my friend's brother suddenly heard someone yelling at him from about 10 feet away: "Hey put that pen away! Some of us are wearing nice clothes, this shirt costs $300!" This rant appeared to creep out even the women at the party just looking for pro athletes to pay their child support, in addition to any normal person who heard the journeyman. Now, I know what you're thinking, Tim Redding was an All-Star?!?, not exactly, he just happened to be a member of the Astros that year, although that's probably not what he told the ladies. Tim, you idiot, that pen was only going near the good players.

6) Adam Dunn #44 or Ryan Zimmerman #11 "Natinals" - Just an embarrassment, and I know this has happened before to other teams/players, but just seems like the Yankees and Red Sox avoid this type of brain fart. This would be higher up the list, but has some ironic potential, so not all bad.

5) Ryan Church #19 - He is either anti-semetic or just a moron, but either way, supporting anybody who says something like that is a bad move.

4) Anybody on the team not named Zimmerman from 2005-2008 - This team was just terrible, and there was no one on the roster who brought any hope or reason to purchase their jersey. Anybody buying one of these jerseys is also clearly new to being a baseball fan, so just unknowledgeable, or switching teams to support, so lacks loyalty. Either way, this jersey is a direct indictment of the person wearing it. The Montreal Canadians have 'The Holy Cloth', but maybe this was 'the damned cloth'.

3) Ryan Zimmerman(n) #11 or Jordan Zimmerman #27 - In case you missed it, both of these are spelled wrong, and this is not an uncommon occurrence for a team whose best 2 young players until a certain #1 pick signed have long last names that are proncounced the same, but spelled 1 letter differently. DC Sports Blog had something on this with pictures, but I can't find it.

2) Lastings Milledge #44 - A once-possible face of the franchise, but not exactly the type of guy you want leading your marketing efforts. He stunk, will continue to stink, and is a symbol of faded hopes. You hear that Elijah Dukes?!?

1) Vinny Castilla #9 - An abysmal contract that never seemed like a good idea. As soon as this was signed, it foretold of numerous bad decisions by Bowden that have led to this team being an absolute joke since arriving in DC.

Dishonorable Mention:
-Cristian Guzman #15 - If not for the past couple seasons when his BA spiked, he would DEFINITELY have been #1. This contract seemed worse than the Castilla one when it was signed; he was literally possibly the worst regular hitter in MLB history until last year.

-Elijah Dukes #34 - There is still some promise, but he is running out of time to figure this thing out. And by thing, I mean life.

Looking back, this list is just sad, not as anger-inducing as the others. I think the general disinterest in the Nats keeps me less emotional; my hopes haven't gotten high enough yet to be crushed.

As always, bring on the debate about the list!

(Image courtesy of totalsports.com)

Worst Oriole Jerseys Ever

Welcome to the 2nd part in this painful series of worst jerseys for all of our beloved professional DC-area teams. This Oriole list was surprisingly more difficult than the Redskin one; we had far more worthy candidates for our bottom-10 thanks to almost 25 years of misery. I kind of felt like I was on the therapist's couch here, unearthing repressed memories. I learned a lot about myself through this journey.

Again, the criteria for our list is a jersey that would make fellow fans either:

• Angry
• Disgusted
• Think the guy wearing the jersey is an idiot
  

As before, please note that any jerseys that are funny bad are not included. Our bottom 10 is listed in reverse order (least terrible to most terrible):

10) Armando Benitez #49 - The exact opposite of clutch. He came in during critical playoff games and gave up homers to pipsqueaks like Marquis Grissom and Tony Hernandez. He also gave up the Jeffrey Maier "homer" and cared more about his pitch speed than, you know, getting batters out. He'd be higher on the list if not for his impressive beat-down of some punk-ass Yankees fools in May 1998. I really hated this guy.

9) Ben McDonald #19 - He was supposed to be the next Nolan Ryan. Instead, he was the first Mark Prior. Amnesia is the only excuse for owning this jersey.

8) David Segui #23 - Beefed up on ol' Vitamin S then stole a huge contract at the end of his career from the O's. I used to call him "Popcorn Man" when I was a kid because he looked like a classmate of mine who always smelled like popcorn. That's irrelevant information, but the point is: screw that smelly kid.

7) Adam Loewen #29 - A monumental pitching bust. The lanky canuck finally gave up pitching and in a gentlemen's agreement with the O's, opted out of his Major League contract to sign a minor league one and learn to hit. After milking O's instructional league coaches for hitting tips, he reneged on his word and fled to the Blue Jays. So in sum, he robbed the O's of $4 million, never panned out, then stabbed them in the back. Good times.

6) Curt Schilling #43 - Mike Mussina, Jimmy Key, Scott Erickson, David Wells, and Schilling rounded out the rotation of the 1997 World Series Champion Baltimore Orioles, who went wire-to-wire first place before crushing the Marlins in 4 games in the Series. What a year! Except it didn't happen, because O's brass thought it prudent to mortgage the future (Steve Finley and Pete Harnisch were also shipped away) in 1990 for 3 abysmal seasons from...

5) Glenn Davis #37 - The "worst Oriole ever", this shmuck was supposed to be the power bat to get the Birds over the hump, and instead all he did was hump the trainer's table in between his infrequent and feeble at-bats. 24 HRs in 3 years before finally retiring...pretty sure Jeff Reboulet accomplished that in the late-'90s.

4) Sammy Sosa #21 - Buying this jersey was like voting for Bush in '04: if you didn't see the epic failure coming, you were a moron. The steroids were clearly wearing off at the end of his Cubs tenure, and he became another in a long line of over-the-hill veterans Angelos tried to plug in to milk a few more jersey sales wins from a broken roster. A line that started with:

3) Albert Belle #88 - Ended up as the worst contract in franchise history and one of the worst in MLB history. In addition to being an asshole, he barely played and succeeded in using a ton of our salary space for his giant ego/contract when a hip injury ended his career.

2) Tony Tarasco #1 - This is nothing against Tony, but this jersey can only bring the most painful memory in Oriole history, of that little anti-christ Jeffrey Maier stealing the ball over the wall to gift Jeter a HR and all but end the Orioles best chance at a championship since 1983.

1) Derek Jeter #2 - What is this all about? FTW:

Worst Orioles Jersey Ever. Please revoke this man's fan card. via Mr. Irrelevant.

***

Dishonorable Mention:

Larry Bigbie #3 - Did anyone get on this bandwagon? I hope not and this serves as a reminder of the years when a mediocore prospect was the best we had on an already bad team. Also: Mitchell Report.

Jay Gibbons #31 - Would have made the bottom-10, but I just feel bad for the guy now.

Miguel Tejada #10 - Yeah, he did steroids and lied about his age, but gave us some great service.

Sir Sidney Ponson #43 - The same as Tejada, but a more unlikeable guy. He performed at or above expectations while he was here and then proceeded to pain the Yankees as a member of their team, which barely kept him out of the bottom-10.

Brady Anderson #9 - Steroids and the self-promotion that led to gay rumors. I would liken the Brady Anderson era to the dutch rudder, it was fun (and not gay), but there was something very wrong about it.

Rodrigo Lopez #13 - Another great example of false hope. After bursting onto the scene in 2002 with 15 wins and finishing 2nd in the ROY voting to Eric Hinske (probably not a good sign in retrospect), saw his peripherals and performance decline and had a generally mediocore Oriole career. And now, he has a world series ring.....for Philly. Not to be confused with a Super Bowl ring.

Kris Benson #34 - When a rebuilding team trades a young starter (John Maine) for a mediocre, injury-prone 30-year-old, he had better have more than a smokin' hot wife. Unfortunately, that's about all Kris brought to the table.

Jeffrey Hammonds #11 - A fine career, but nothing close to the hope he instilled in Oriole fans as our savior.

***

So what do you think? Anyone we missed or who doesn't belong? Will the boiling water I'm about to pour down my throat hurt more than this list?

Worst Redskin Jerseys Ever

We had no idea how hard this was going to be. I thought we'd get a bunch of good ideas and rank them, but there has been endless debate about this list amongst the DCLS writers. This will be the first in a series of worst jerseys for all of our beloved professional DC-area teams (yes, the Nats are included despite their lack of belovedness). We are also considering a 'best jerseys', but first things first. So here is the criteria:

The jersey must be one that would make fellow fans either:

1. Angry
2. Disgusted
3. Think the guy wearing the jersey is an idiot

Please note that any jerseys that are funny bad are not included. Without further adieu, our bottom 10 in reverse order (least terrible to most terrible):

10. Danny Wuerffel #17 - Was anyone really on this bandwagon?

9. Shane Matthews #6 - This was actually a worse bandwagon.

8. Jeff George #3 - I am actually scared to write this because he wants to come back and the Skins want a new qb so lets just move on......

7. Deion Sanders #21 - Primetime has come to symbolize all the extravagant and failed free agent signings of the Snyder era.

6. Jeremiah Trotter #54 - See Sanders, Deion.

5. Michael Westbrook #82 - I think he really has a bright future due to his athleticism.......oh wait, that's his MMA career.

4. Jason Taylor #55 - Only in traditional colors, as a pink one would be funny.

3. Brandon Lloyd #85 - I actually think he is worse than Archuletta as on top of his significant contract, we traded for him! Not for a bag of footballs either, but 3rd and 4th round picks! I think my eyes are bleeding.

2. Adam Archuleta #40- It pains me to even type this name. The Skins get too much shit for their free agent signings, which haven't been all-bad, but this was an absolute disaster. If we hadn't been able to trade him, this may have been the worst signing in team history. The picture above actually makes me naseous. Now a #40 "PUNT PROTECTOR" jersey might make our list of best jerseys.

1. Mark Sanchez #6 - Really? I know it's rare, but I know one dweebus who's name rhymes with shman shnyder who jerks off into one each night. This jersey is symbolic of the Cerrato/Snyder brain freeze, anyone who supported this move is an idiot.

Also considered (excluded mostly because they are funny bad):

• Heath Shuler #5
• Albert Connell #83 (Just a little too funny for me, but if you see his jersey somewhere, it's probably a steal..........................i'll be here all night)
• Desmond Howard #80
• Tony Banks #12
• Ricky Williams #1 (yeah, that Ricky Williams, the one we basically traded for a future #1, which eventually became Lavar, who became nothing)
• Gus Frerotte #12

Let the argument continue! Anyone we missed or who doesn't belong? While you think about it I am going to go pour some boiling water down my throat to clear out the puke.

(Image courtesy of WashingtonPost.com)

Love for the Nats

There have been complaints about a lack of love for the Nats on this blog. The real problem is there's only so much love to go around, and the Nats are often a casualty. So this is our obligatory "love for the Nats" post. We freaking love the Nats!


[Pic via DC Sports Bog]