The Hershey Bears won an AHL-best 10th Calder Cup Championship Friday behind playoff MVP and 21-year-old Caps prospect Michal Neuvirth (16-6, 1.92 GAA, .932 SV%, four shutouts). Another dozen Caps prospects have now learned how to be champions, not including the ECHL-affiliate Stingrays, who also won their championship. This is how you build a winning tradition, from the ground up. It takes time, and it will pay off. Congrats, boys. See you at training camp.

*THUD!* Gary Bettman Passes Out Face First Into Ground After Cumming Pants For Twelve Consecutive Hours

*Sigh*

It is through gritted teeth that the DC Landing Strip today congratulates the Pittsburgh Penguins on their Stanley Cup victory over the Detroit Red Wings in Game 7 Friday night. Though DC reserves its deepest seeds of hockey - and possibly overall sporting - hatred for you, Penguins, we're still man enough to acknowledge when our rivals have achieved greatness. You were the best team in the league from February on and proved to be throughout these playoffs. Goddamnit.

So get drunk with the Cup, use it as a ball-marker on the golf course, have your baby daughters poop in it, do whatever you want. It's yours until Ovechkin decides otherwise, so cherish it.

I'll save my post destroying your hypocritical bandwagonning fan base and pathetic Bettman-propped franchise for another day.

Redskins Cut WR James Thrash

Another classy vet bites the dust. The 'Skins now have zero wide receivers above 6' tall that have ever caught an NFL TD pass.

Friday Furburgers: Nats Avoid Sweep

Hoo-ray.

It's not that uncommon for a Nationals' game to be decided by a late-inning error. It is, however, a rare occasion when the worst fielding team in the majors - that would be the Nationals, in case you've been hiding under a rock - is not the culprit.

So let's briefly rejoice in victory before the inevitable AL-East 12-game losing streak that awaits.

I'd bet two of my nuts, a bet you'd love to win, that Manny Acta is unemployed by June 26, when the Nats head to Baltimore for an intense three game set between the two worst teams in the league. Mark it down.

And now I present your Friday Furburgers - links from the week, for the weekend:

Michael Nylander can't play in Russia without Caps' approval. I literally have no idea how to respond to that.
Puck Daddy

Troy Patton and Jake Arrietta are headed to Norfolk. As Dave Trembley says, "the cavalry is coming."
Camden Chat

I don't do Twitter, I don't understand Twitter, and I don't get why Twitter is such a big deal. But for those who do, here is an excellent list of DC sports figures' twitter pages.
Mr. Irrelevant

Chris Cooley interviews the Redskins' three 2nd-round picks from the 2008 draft. What to take from the video? Devin Thomas is the best at Madden, Fred Davis oversleeping last year was a big "situation" that set him back, Malcom Kelly spent this summer rehabbing and "staring at the wall", and neither of the three are any good at football. Yet.
The Cooley Zone

Laron Landry makes an appearance at OTAs and denies any rumors that he wants out of DC. I believe him because it's easier than not.
Redskins Insider

Two Redskins in Matt Mosley's top 10 NFC East building blocks. I'll give you a hint: only one of them plays every down on the defensive line!
ESPN

Ovechkin makes the cover of NHL 2k10. He was also your EA Sports NHL '07 coverboy. He's kind of a big deal.
Capitals Kremlin

"Breaking the seal": not a myth! Science says it's true!
Off the Contrary Blog

Wilbon Loses Mind, Keeps Job

Take a good look at what Michael Wilbon puked out in the first sentence of his Washington Post column this morning:

"No way in the world I'd have taken Stephen Strasburg with the No. 1 pick in the draft."

Now read it again. And again.

Normally, while reading a Wilbon column, we have to wait at least three or four sentences before he regurgitates some absolute garbage he ate for breakfast that morning. But not on this special occasion.

I've made the argument several times that Wilbon knows nothing about sports, but perhaps I'm being a little harsh. So let me rephrase that: Wilbon knows nothing about DC sports.

Hey, douchebag, here's an idea! Why don't you pretend to know anything about the Nats and then write your "expert" opinion in a column the morning following potentially the most important day in the history of a franchise that has set unprecedented lows for futility?

You pretty much did the same thing prior the Caps-Pens series, pretending for brief a moment that you both know about hockey and care how close Ovechkin and Crosby push the sport to the cusp of - dare I say - nationwide popularity.

Wilbon's assertion that the Nationals drafted Strasburg solely as a P.R. move to appease their diehard, loyal fanbase, all 74 of them, proves that he has finally given up watching sports. Could it be, perhaps, that Strasburg was indeed the best player available, that the pick was not entirely made to put butts in the seats?

Not according to Wilbon.

"I wouldn't draft a guy who's going to play every fifth day to improve my team's attendance. And I certainly wouldn't pin my hopes on the most fragile thing in baseball: the arm of a young pitcher."

Holy crap, brilliant! Why EVER draft a pitcher?! He's only going to play once every five days, and he might get injured!

Wilbon ends his miserable column by alluding to the city of Boston and almost completely contradicting what he had said earlier about Strasburg. I know. Shocking.

"Had the Red Sox drafted Strasburg, I'd be less likely to think this had "bad move" written all over it because the Red Sox, of recent vintage anyway, make decisions that lead to first place while the Nationals mostly look like the Charlie Brown All-Stars. "

Then move to Boston, Wilbon. Or back to Chicago.

Either way, get the hell out of DC.

[Image via Smarter Sports Blog]

Nats Sign #10 Pick at a Bargain, Lose; O's Just Lose

Per Nationals Journal:

In 2007, the No. 10 pick, high school lefty Madison Bumgarner (Giants), received a bonus of $2 million. Then there's the No. 10 pick from 2006, also a selection by the Giants. His bonus? $2.025 million. His name? Tim Lincecum.

This year's #10 pick, Drew Storen, received a measly $1.6 million bonus from the Nats and will likely starve to death. This sort of drop-off was to be expected, though, as the Nats are familiar with Storen's agent and the economy is in the crapper. Not that the Boras/Strasburg duo will care.

Meanwhile on the field, some pitches were thrown, bats were swung, and la-dee-da the Nats lost 4-2 in 12 innings. One step closer to drafting next year's baseball phenom! Oh and the O's lost too, of course. Although Wieters' bat is coming alive, as he's 4 for 7 in his last two games.

The O's and Nats have now combined for 16 losses in the last 12 days and are the worst teams in both the AL and NL, respectively. Welcome to summer! Redskins training camp starts July 30th.

[Image via Washington Post]

Best Game Show Idea EVER

This is not DC sports related, but it's summer and you might end up on a roller coaster with a chance to win some cash by accident, so this applies to you. A new Cartoon Network show called BrainRush debuts June 20th, and if this below clip is any indication of the bowel-moving comedy that it produces, I just might have to start paying for cable legally.

Show Host: "What's it called when you hit a home run, a triple, a double and a single in the same game?"
Kid: "AAAHHHH OH MY GOD!!! Like an overall something!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!!"

P.S. My gmail just signed out by itself and changed to Chinese. Whoever did this I shake my fist at you harshly!

C.R.E.A.MLB Draft: After Strasburg, Nats & O's Make Careful Picks

In a year in which 90 amateurs demanded 1st round money, and during an economic downturn in which a studly baseball hunk like Jay Gibbons has to play for the Newark Whoseewhatsits, "signability" was unsurprisingly the biggest factor in the MLB draft on Tuesday. Except for the Nationals at #1, who drafted Stephen Strasburg and are about to bend to his every whim. If he wants $50 million, you give him $65 million. If he wants to wake up next to Elizabeth Hurley every morning for the rest of his life, you deliver Megan Fox. If he wants to enter Nationals Park in a parade on elephant back, you get Ringling Bros. right on that. Because he's that good.

Due to this hefty ransom, the Nats passed on the opportunity to nab the 2nd best pitcher in this draft too, Aaron Crow, who they had failed to sign last year anyways. Instead they took Stanford relief pitcher Drew Storen at #10 probably because his agent is also Ryan Zimmerman's. They're one of three teams that think he can become a starter. Crow fell to KC at #12.

The Orioles were back to their curious ways, taking California high school pitcher Matt Hobgood at #5 even though Crow and others were available. "Hobgood" just has mediocre middle-relief pitcher's name written all over it, doesn't it? He was the 18th best prospect according to ESPN.com's Keith Law.

General consensus is that a lot of other top guys dropped (Zach Wheeler to #6, Tyler Matzek to #11, Tanner Scheppers to #19 and Shelby Miller to #19) because of signing concerns, but being a "top guy" of an MLB draft is about as sure a thing as Clay Aiken's heterosexuality. And I have no idea who these people are, so whatever. /MLB draft in a nutshell

Strasburg. Strasburg.

Nats Top Picks and what they're sayin':

#1 - You Know Who, Scouting Report & Video: Legend in the making.
#10 - RHP Drew Storen, Scouting Report & video: Has 3 pitches, starter stuff, low 90s heat.
#50 - 2B Jeffrey Kobernus, Scouting Report & video: "projects as an average tool in the future"
#81 - RHP Trevor Holder, College Stats & video

O's Top Picks and what they're sayin':

#5 - RHP Matt Hobgood, Scouting Report & video: 6'4", 245 lbs. Josh Beckett-like.
#54 - RHP/SS Mychal Givens, Scouting Report & video: Good athlete who will fill out, hitting needs some work.
#85 - 1B Tyler Townsend, College Info

[Image via Need Morneau]

2 Games, No Cups

Tuesday night the mini-Caps and the anti-Pens had a chance to deliver a double dose of semi-awesome by winning the Calder Cup and Stanley Cup, respectively. But the Caps' AHL affiliate Bears, stacked with prospects aplenty, failed to close the deal and head back to Manitoba (the beluga capital of the world!) up 3-2 in their series.

Meanwhile right down I-76, the Red Wings blew their chance to rub the Stanley Cup in Pittsburgh's fat stupid faces. It's too bad for Pittsburgh fans, because the sting of watching Marian Hossa hoist the Cup after his offseason Pittsburgh bitchslap would have helped them forget about the sting of their chlamydia for a few brief moments. There's always antibiotics I guess.

So your vicarious and schadenfreude hockey dreams will have to wait another day friends. In the meantime, might I suggest furious masturbation?

Both series' resume play Friday. Wings-Pens Game 7 is can't miss.

[Image via The Patriot News]

Ovechkin wins Kharlamov Trophy as Russian Player of the Year

Fourth consecutive year, too.

Next up: Hart, Pearson, Richard trophy repeats.