Caps Doping Investigation

Momma Plotty once said people living in glass houses should not throw stones. She followed that up by cautioning me against trusting people who are facing 21 criminal charges, including possession and importation of illegal anabolic steroids, possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony, and maintaining a residence to sell drugs. In light of said criminal investigation, it appears Momma Plotty's nuggets of wisdom may have some traction:

"NHL investigators have been unable to make a connection between Thomas and the Caps."

The bullshit factor in this case is through the roof, but let us recap. Richard Thomas and his heinous wife are arrested in their home with $200,000 worth of anabolic steroids, among other paraphernalia. The cops require three sets of cuffs to subdue this guy, so clearly he is either a fucking animal, off his goddamn rocker, or some combination of the two. The standard operating procedure in any arrest that involves three separate sets of handcuffs immediately should set off alarm bells that the arrestee probably isn't too thrilled about the prospects of jail time, yet the Lakewood Police Chief Donald Judd apparently finds the words of a just-arrested heat-packing meathead to be worthy of the public record. Seriously, take a fucking look at this nutjob, it's 11 pm, do you trust your National Hockey League franchise with this guy? Major League Baseball has fucked itself so royally with steroids I can't completely exculpate the Nationals. But the Capitals? On a team that had only five players log more than 100 hits this season? And passed five rounds of drug testing over the last two years without incident? As flimsy as the accusation appears on the surface, the incident itself and Commish Gary Bettman's recent public comments make me slightly uneasy. If they've passed drug tests (which they have) but the NHL establishes some connection to Thomas and the Caps (which they have not), expect the league to levy a massive fine on the Capitals organization and institute much tougher league-wide testing policies. This publicity would be devastating for the NHL, which needs the news that players are passing league-instituted drug tests and juicing like I need a groin punch. But for all intents and purposes, lock this guy up and let's put to rest this ridiculous story.