Tuesday, June 2, 2009

NHL Fellates Pens: PIT 4, DET 2

Let's just get this out of the way: I hate the Penguins.

You know how everyone keeps a mental list of their most hated rivals? The Penguins are right at the top of mine, followed by the Antichrist, Eagles, Cowboys, Flyers, and Duke hoops.

Why do I hate the Pens so much? Other than the fact that the Caps can't beat 'em in the playoffs, and their captain is by a wide margin the biggest crybaby in the NHL who would be better served gluing pubes to his face than broadcasting his pathetic attempt to grow facial hair, and their fans are obnoxious (Pittsburgh fans generally are)? Well, here's a recap of recent events:

-Malkin bumps chelios in warm-ups. TWICE. In the NHL Rulebook, that's an automatic fine and/or suspension, except if you're a Penguin.

-Malkin instigates a fight in the waning moments of a decided Game 2 by cracking Zetterberg's skull with his stick. TWICE. Clearly message sending, clearly instigating, clearly malicious, and once again auto-suspension worthy. Except if you're a Penguin.

-Pens have a 6-man tea party on the ice for a solid twenty seconds during their win in Game 3. The announcers saw it. I saw it. The blind man in the apartment next door saw it through the walls. That's a penalty, except if you're a Penguin.

Lest we come across as whiny losers, consider all this in comparison to Brashear's 6-game suspension. Consider that Puck Daddy agrees with us. That The Hockey News agrees. That in allowing Malkin to play and rack up 3 assists (while Crosby's been shut down with 1 A total this series), the NHL has what it wants: a 2-1 series instead of a 3-0 Wings lead. Conspiracy! Just kidding. Sort of.

[Image via Flying Water Bottle]

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