Week 9 Picks: The Arranged Marriage From Hell

Sweet relaxation right? Nothing like a week of avoiding that weekly (or daily) pain of the Redskins. Until Dan Snyder's dumb 'apology', then Riggins, then Greg Blatche.....I don't think the Skins understand, this is a relationship where I am in the for the long haul, but I just want a little bit of space right now, kind of like a relationship where you want to have a Vegas weekend with the guys. The only problem is that this is an arranged marriage! I was born and raised in DC, and will always support the Skins. I don't care who runs the team, if Bin Laden was GM I'd probably be singing the praises of his stealth tactics and the fresh perspective he brings.

Which brings me to my next point. I didn't have a big problem with Snyder's comments, but have been going nuts over Greg Blache's Snyder defense, specifically this tidbit, "He will spend his money, he will spend his time, he wants to win, he is here for the people, for the fans, for the Washington Redskins." Obviously Snyder wants to win, but he is here for the people of DC and the fans?!? Let's see, this douchebag was the first owner in the league to charge fans to attend practice, practice?!? Ticket prices are absurdly high, he sued a broke season ticket holder, and allows ticket scalping to fly under the radar so he can smudge ticket sales more easily, all the while pushing all blame for team performance onto everyone but him and his personal fluffer, Vinny Cerrato. Snyder is here for winning, money, and celebrity, but not for the fans and everyone knows this. When Zorn goes down, Blache has a shot at the job, and this idiotic statement only furthers my point from a couple weeks ago that he is not at all qualified to be our head coach.

On to the picks, FO's 'locks of the week' are now 2-3 with only 1 'lock' this week, their 'reasonable' picks are 13-17, and their 'stay away' picks are 40-40. You should also note that FO has started including the % chance of a team winning straight-up, which I have included throughout this article.

The standings (with pushes excluded):
Sports Guy: 4-9 last week, 68-47 overall (59.1%)
DCLS: 5-8 last week, 58-57 overall (50.4%)
Random monkey throwing shit at a dartboard: 57.5-57.5 overall (50.0%)
Football Outsiders: 7-6 last week, 55-60 overall (47.8%)

As usual, the FO picks are listed in order of confidence, and I have bolded a team wherever I differ (home teams in CAPS).

1) Green Bay -10 over TAMPA BAY - No way the Pack loses here, and FO has this as their only 'lock' of the week. I also think this is the best pick of the week.

2) NEW ENGLAND -10.5 over Miami - FO's #1 team is the Pats, which is only a minor surprise given their recent play. So despite the Wildcat giving the Pats fits, I can give up the 10 points....I mean, Vontae Davis is going to be covering Randy Moss?

3) DENVER +3 over Pittsburgh - I think Denver is the better team, at home, with points, and Big Ben has a fat face that makes him look unathletic.

4) SEATTLE -10 over Detroit - I have said it before, but the Lions have quietly(?) become the worst team in the league again. Not a fan of giving 10 with the Seahawks, but I can't pick the Lions against anyone right now.

5) Houston +9 over INDIANAPOLIS - Colts are 'only' listed with a 73% chance of winning, and this line is a bit of an over-correction, but I'll roll with the hot hand.

6) Arizona +3 over CHICAGO - FO has Arizona with a 65% chance straight-up, and I agree that they are the better team. Only thing that could concern me here is the weather and Jay Cutler being the anti-christ to Kurt Warner's jesus love.

7) Kansas City +7 over JACKSONVILLE - The Jags are FO's #6 overall pick straight-up, but this line is very high for a team that is not very good. The Jags have burned me like a Vegas hooker, but I'll stick with FO here in what will be this week's toilet bowl.

8) Tennessee +4 over SAN FRANCISCO - No faith in VY here. SF has an 82% chance of winning by FO's numbers, and VY would 100% have committed suicide if badass Mike Singletary was his coach.

9) NEW ORLEANS -13 over Carolina - No need to watch the game, I've got the recap here, Saints score early and often, forcing Jake Delhomme to throw early and often, leading to numerous sacks and interceptions. On the bright side, it is pretty exciting every time Delhomme drops back, and you can't say that about too many people right?

10) PHILADELPHIA -3 over Dallas - Iggles are legit, and still not sold on the Cowgirls. Does Dallas' inconsistency mean the Skins might have a chance against them? I think I just got a semi...

11) San Diego +4.5 over NEW YORK GIANTS - In NY, and the Giants need this game badly. They are only the #11 straight-up pick though, so FO is not seeing a big difference between these two teams. How awesome would it be if Phil Rivers picked a fight with Eli Manning? Would Eli just puke out of fear?

12) Baltimore -3 over CINCINNATI - FO still thinks the Bungles are overachieving, and I honestly have no idea what to make of them. Meanwhile, the Ravens are their #5 overall team, so I'll give the 3, but expect a close game.

13) Washington +10 over ATLANTA - So did anyone else catch Atlanta on Monday night? Yeah, they're a real football team, and unless we've adopted this play, we are in deep doo-doo. FO gives us a 7% chance of winning this game.........

After a week of being all over the news and ruining my Redskin vacation, maybe being back to indifference is better for Skins fans. Either way, we have little hope this Sunday, but apparently are a decent bet by FO's metrics. So put your money on the Skins, because betting on burgundy is about the only way to get excited about us these days.

(Image courtesy of washingtonpost.com)