Agent Zero Avoids Jail, but Wiz Fans Do Not

Now that Gilbert Arenas is a free man, he has put a stranglehold on the title of 'Worst Contract in the NBA', and Wizards fans must suffer through 5 years of being in 'fan jail'. While Gil is likely ecstatic that he miraculously avoided being locked in a cell, he is now going to hold the Wizards and their fans for the next 5 years in a place I like to call 'not in the playoffs'. This experience will be nothing new to us Bullets fans, but just because you've been kicked in the balls before, doesn't mean it won't hurt getting kicked again.

Don't get me wrong, I still support the rebuilding process while Gil is here, because it will at least give us a shot at an elite player in the draft and allow us to develop some young players - I just can't wait until the day we are free of the contract and fully move forward.

I think we should all basically try to pretend Gil doesn't exist. Even though I realize Gil plays the same position as the #1 prospect in the draft, don't tell me I'm the only one who played espn.com's lottery+mock draft at least 27 times to get the Wiz to 'win' John Wall (but maybe I'm the only one who printed that screen and put it on my wall.......framed....).

In the meantime, the only excitement we are getting will be during the draft lottery (which, given my lack of success with the espn.com simulator, already looks like a night of drinking myself into a stupor). We can also at least hope for some new Agent Zero antics in the form of Six Shooter, like dumps in teammates' shoes; a wise man once told me, pooping in sneakers is always funny. I am now dreaming of a Wiz team comprised of Six Shooter, Young Sushi, and Josh Howard, for pure entertainment sake, as well as John Wall.......as long as Six Shooter keeps his guns and turds away from our prized possession.

(Image courtesy of media.nj.com)

Is the Caps Powerplay Historically Good?

I'll start by saying something you already know: the Caps are the best team in the NHL so far this season (note the goal differential). Now for something you may not know: our overall awesomeness has hidden that fact that our powerplay is historically good.

Nerds like me know that this team was carried by the powerplay last season, having a +27 goal differential in the regular season, with 10 of those 27 goals coming from special teams differential between power play goals for and short-handed goals against. We also were on the powerplay 50 fewer times than we were shorthanded last season. In short, the Caps of 2008-2009 were a good team that was elevated to the upper echelon of the NHL by an elite powerplay.

This year, the 5-on-5 has gotten better, and so has the powerplay. We currently have a +80 goal differential overall, 25 goals better than the next-best team, Chicago. Of that 80 goal differential, 14 of it has come from special teams. Last year, our PP ranked second in the league, behind the Red Wings, but this year, we have taken a huge step forward. Sure, our 25.9% powerplay percentage is almost identical to last year's, but we have the best raw powerplay scoring rate since the 1995-1996 season. That's right, we have the best powerplay scoring rate in the last 15 years! Not only are we scoring at a higher rate than any other team in the past 15 years with the man advantage, but we are 2.6 percentage points above the next-best PP team. That 2.6% may not seem significant, but is tied for the largest gap between the top-2 powerplay teams in the league with the 2002-2003 Red Wings during that same 15 year span.

Going even further, I ran the numbers to compare these two powerplays to the league average. This season, the league average powerplay scoring rate is 18.5%, which puts the Caps 7.4% over the league average. In 2002-2003, the league powerplay scoring average was 16.4% and the Red Wings were at 23.8%, which is also 7.4% above league average. Relative to the league, this leaves the 2002-2003 Red Wings powerplay as slightly better than the 2009-2010 Caps edition (44% above league avg. and the Caps are only 40% above league average). As a comparison, the team with the next-best differential above the 2nd-best powerplay in the past 12 years is the 2007-2008 Canadians, who scored on 24.1% of their opportunities, were 2.3% above the next-best team, 6.4% above the league average rate of 17.7%, and 36% better than the league average. Those numbers are very good, but this year's Caps and the '02-'03 Red Wings have been the 2 best powerplays of, at least, the past 12 years.

You will not see the Caps on any list of historically great powerplays thanks to the higher scoring times of the NHL and lack of parity back in the 70's, but this year's team has a strong case as the best powerplay in modern NHL history and thus as one of the best of all-time.

(Research courtesy of espon.com and nhl.com, and image courtesy of causewaycrew.files.wordpress.com)

This Is Why People Think Crosby is a Loser

I have to admit, sometimes I don't get the blind hatred for Sidney Crosby. He is a great hockey player and a respected leader of his teams. Recently he's even proven to be clutch. Let's just admit it, mmkay? So when people whine "Crysby" this and "whiny little baby" that, I often shrug my shoulders and go "meh." Maybe it's just the hockey fan in me. But then a moment like tonight's comes along, and I am reminded why people think Sidney Crosby is a loser.

Now, the replay cuts in before we can see what incited #87, so the video is sort of lacking context. But short of Zetterberg slicing Crosby's first-born son to pieces - an impossibility considering that Crosby still lives with uncle Mario - context cannot explain the extent of this childish behavior. All that can explain it is "loserness."



The game is over. Zetterberg's back is turned. Accept defeat and move along. Don't cross-check a guy from behind to start a pointless fight. Ovechkin gets all the grief these days for being "dirty" and "reckless," but he'd never react to a loss like such a sore loser. You'd also never see Ovechkin joining a fight he wasn't involved in...



...nor would you see Ovechkin jump and sucker punch a guy before a face-off (start at 0:36 mark):



I mean really. What a joke. So thank you, Mr. Crosby, for reminding me why I'm supposed to hate you. It'll make Ovechkin's inevitable triumph over you that much sweeter. I'm not even afraid of the jinx anymore. Ovechkin eats jinxes for breakfast and craps victory.

Hoyas Preseason #1 in 2011?

Before the season, I made a preseason prediction that was pretty pissy after last year's turd-sandwich that landed the Hoyas in the NIT. Well you know what? I was pretty damn close with that pissy prediction. I had the Hoyas at 19-11, 5th in the Big East, and a 9th seed in the NCAA tourney. Taking out the last 4 games of the season, the Hoyas went 23-11, were 7th in the Big East, and a 3rd seed in the NCAA tourney. So what do I win for my amazing prediction ability? A depressing, angering, nauseating loss to Ohio in the 1st round of the tourney.......

The game against Ohio was somewhat symbolic of one of the team's biggest problem: that its biggest star has been unable to take over games when he needs to do so. Ohio had no one capable of guarding Greg Monroe, and his stat line ended up looking pretty good, but he should have been force fed down-low. Just a frustrating game, although I can't say I'm too unhappy looking back now, as I wasn't overly optimistic heading into the season.

Which brings me to where my excitement has now been focused......next year's preseason #1 ranked Georgetown Hoyas! For those of you who didn't hear, Greg Monroe stated that he wants to come back next year, despite being a projected lottery pick. We've all had these as famous last words for collegiate athletes, but let's say Monroe's emotions weren't masking his true intentions. The Hoyas do not have single senior on the team, so will bring everyone back barring someone entering the draft. The Hoyas were ranked #14 or 15 going into the tournament, and although we did not live up to that lofty #3 seed, must still be considered about as good as our ranking.

Now look at the teams ahead of us and think how decimated they will be by the draft and graduation; Kansas might lose their 3 best players, Kentucky its best 3, if not 4, players, Syracuse 3 starters, OSU Evan Turner, WVA Da'Sean Butler, etc. My research yielded that the only team ranked ahead of the Hoyas not losing a top-5 scorer is the Butler Bulldogs. Butler has ZERO shot at the #1 preseason ranking and lost to the Hoyas this year, so the teams to worry about are actually Duke, Syracuse, and Ohio State, because they have all done some incredible recruiting. I specifically think Duke will be the other top ranked team, thanks to bringing back Nolan Smith and Kyle Singler, and snagging 2 of the top 18 recruits in the country according to the ESPNU 100.

That said, unless Smith and Singler have incredible tournaments and stay at Duke for next season, no team will have a group as good as the Monroe-Wright-Freeman trio, and the Hoyas will likely have the best starting lineup in the country as well, with a couple recruits to finally build some depth.

We all know what a #1 preseason ranking and being the #1 team earns you in the tourney:

Not to get too far ahead of ourselves.

(Image courtesy of a.espncdn.com and research courtesy of espn.com)

Caps Magic Numbers

Amidst the doom and gloom of the NCAA tournament (go Lady Hoyas?), we should all take solace in the great shining light of DC Sports. Not baseball Jesus 1 or 2, but the Washington Caps and the fact that we are now about to clinch home-ice throughout the playoffs. The Caps hold a 16 point lead in the Eastern Conference over the Penguins, and with 10 games to play for both teams, that means the Caps magic number is 4 (thanks to us holding the tiebreaker of more wins). With the Pens playing Detroit tomorrow night, that number could drop to 2, but regardless of that outcome, the Caps can clinch the #1 seed in East on Wednesday when we play, guess who? The Penguins! A regulation win will put us 18 points us with 9 games left for the Penguins, and oh wouldn't that be particularly sweet? Not to mention the mental edge heading into the playoffs.

For the President's trophy, we hold a 9 point edge over Chicago and 10 point edge over San Jose, both of whom have 11 games to play. This means the magic number for home-ice throughout the playoffs is 13, which could come quickly as the Blackhawks and Sharks have been on terrible slides (the Sharks are too predictable). The Blackhawks have gone 4-4-2 in their last 10 games, and the Sharks 3-6-1.

Barring a major collapse, we will win the President's trophy, but in the words of Brooks Laich when we officially made the playoffs, "We have bigger goals."

(Image courtesy of 2.bp.blogspot.com)

Remembering Greivis Vasquez

Today, the legend of Greivis Vasquez was murdered by some scrub from Michigan State named Korie Lucious, averaging a paltry 4.9 points per game on the season. Suffice to say, GV was one of Maryland's all-time greats.

Let us gather to mourn and to share our fondest memories of the Venezuelan sensation. Leave these in the comments section when you deem yourself psychologically capable, and perhaps we can create some sort of Top 10 list.

I'll start: who could ever forget that swagtastic shimmy shake? Not I, Greivis, not I.



You will be missed. RIP, brotha.

Uspet du Jour Bodes Well for Terps

The Maryland Terrapins have been handed a golden opportunity by the college basketball Gods after Northern Iowa's stunning upset of top seeded Kansas.

If they beat Michigan State tomorrow they would avoid a nightmarish matchup with the bigger, stronger, and frankly more talented Jayhawk squad, and instead face the suddenly frisky Panthers.

What's that, you say?

"Northern Iowa beat Kansas; why couldn't Maryland? You're a loser and a moron, and you smell like cheese."

Well, sorry douchebag, I did not like that potential matchup with Kansas one bit for all of the above reasons and the simple fact that they would have no trouble getting up for another high seeded, power conference team. They fell asleep against UNI, and you just can't do that against pesky little white guys who can stroke the three-ball, especially in the last minute of the game.

Back to the Terps, they are more than capable of beating this Michigan State squad. While I am looking ahead, it is important that Gary Williams keeps his players focused on the Spartans. I'm so sick of hearing all this talk about Tom Izzo.

"But he's an amazingggggg coach."

I'm not denying that. But you know what? Gary Williams is no slouch and he will surely be headed to the Hall of Fame one day.

Shut 'em up, Terps. UNI awaits.

[Image: NBC Sports via Ronald Martinez / Getty Images]

Live Blogging: Caps @ Panthers

Because my brain is for the most part an untapped gold mine (did I just insult myself?), I thought I'd keep somewhat of a live blog for tonight's Caps game. I filtered out some of the less interesting stuff to keep it concise. Unfortunately, I forgot to note game times in my bullet points. Whatever, guessing is fun!


First Period

• Off to a good start. I can only hope this is like the last two games the Caps played without Ovechkin (6-2 over FLA, 8-2 over PHI).
• 1-0: Nice job by Semin on that rebound. He's looking not too shabby in his first few shifts.
• Very strange first unit on our second power play of the night - Green, Semin, Backstrom, Knuble, and Fleischman. Strange because it appeared Knuble was manning the point with 52. Never thought I'd see him more than 8 feet away from the net on the man advantage.
• 2-0: Oh my lucky stars! Brendan Morrison did something good - he shot the puck like he never does as Chimera crashed the net like he always does! The apocalypse is upon us!
• Caps really look in control here. A big fat "I'm a Washington Capital, I'm better than you and I know it, with or without Alex Ovechkin" to the rest of the league?
• Theodore continues to be very solid, especially in first periods.
• 2-1: And right when I say that, Reinprecht goes glove side high. It was absolutely labeled, so can't really blame Theo, but you'd love your goalie to rob one or two of those every game.
• Thank Jebus for the intermission because that third plate of pasta was a bad, bad idea.

Second Period

• 3-1: Oh my lucky stars! Brendan Morrison did something good - he picked up a loose puck like he always does and buried it like he never does! The apocalypse is upon us!
• It's funny that pirates are always looking for buried treasure, when in fact the real treasures are the friendships they're making. Jack Handey was a swell guy, wasn't he?
• 4-1: Oh my lucky stars (notice a theme here?)! Brendan Morrison did something good - he kept up with his linemates like he never does and made a slick cross-ice pass like he always never does! The apocalypse is upon us!
• The more I think the more my head hurts it's very difficult to imagine Eric Fehr in a Capitals uniform next year. Backstrom is going to command at least $7 million per year, if the Kane/Toews contracts provided any barometer, and you have to imagine the team is going to look to upgrade down the middle or on the blue line. Fehr's career year - in limited ice time no less - is likely to net him at least a $3 million offer, something GMGM will be hard pressed to match.
• Theo, still lookin' sharp my man. Threeormore? How about Notanymore.
• 5-1: Great stuff by Laich on the doorstep. I thought for a second there Vokoun was gonna commit highway robbery on 21 for the second time tonight.
• Speaking of Vokoun, who has looked helpless against the Caps attack, he just got yanked. Would it be surprising if he played shitty to spite Panthers management for not trading him to tonight's opponent? Very, but it's still cool to think about.
• You know what else is cool to think about? Bubble Tape. Haven't had that in 5, maybe 6 years.
• 5-2: It's funny how often we give up a goal IMMEDIATELY after we score a goal. This time: 22 seconds.
• 6-2: You know what else is funny? And by funny I mean incredibly awesome? How often we score goals in general. Backstrom knocking on the door for his first 30 goal campaign.
• Tomas Fleischman could never again shoot with his backhand and I wouldn't even care. Backstrom needs to teach him how to get under the puck on the other side of the blade because I've seen him miss a breakaway with that backhand deke far too often.
• Intermission. Fifteen minutes is just enough time to run to the 7/11 for some Bubble Tape and cigarettes. I promise not to eat them at the same time.

Third Period

• For those of you who have read this far, seek help. Or become my best friend.
• The beginning of this period is, believe it or not, a more dominating display of hockey than the first two. Just constant pressure in the Florida zone. We've got them on a yo-yo, just stringing them around, toying with them. I'm enjoying this thoroughly.
• But it's hard for me to tell if the Caps are really that good, or the Panthers are really that bad...
• ...but then I realize deep down inside, it's not hard at all, and I knew the answer all along. It's c) All of the above.
• I know it, you know it, the guy who messed up his taste buds by using too much Tobasco on his Chipotle knows it: Gushy Grape has always been better than Awesome Original. And don't even get me started on Sour Green Apple or Ragin' Blue Rasberry.
• I'm talking about Bubble Tape, by the way. Rookies.
• Wow. Fleischman to Backstrom to Fleischman would have been the prettiest goal of the year. Too bad Flash wasn't able to get the lumber on that one.
• 7-2: Phenomenal effort by Brooks Laich. How on earth did that squeeze through Clemmensen's pads? Because Brooksie owns the bakery and everyone else is a peasant.
• By the way, I'm not sure which Florida defenseman slammed Brooksie's head into the ice not once but twice after his goal, but I am sure that I hate him. You know what? Wouldn't be surprised if it was Colin Campbell's son, Gregory. Oh, sweet irony!
• Have we been on the power play all game long? Are the Panthers not even trying? Do these pants make me look fat?
• 7-3: Garbage goal at the end for Florida. I hate those if only for the inflation of Theodore's stats. Those imbeciles who didn't actually watch the game will assume he was his "usual" mediocre self, when in fact he was pretty spectacular all game long and the last two goals he gave up were the result of lackadaisical defense more than anything else. Whatever. A win is a win is a win.
• Game over. Just another day at the office.
• 6-0 against the Panthers on the year. They're gonna be tough in the playoffs, though! Kidding. But wouldn't that be nice...

Nicklas Backstrom's Shift in Five Frames

Nicklas Backstrom's second shift of overtime began when he hopped the boards with 2:40 remaining in yesterday's Ovechkin-less 4-3 comeback victory over Chicago. His shift begins innocently enough, as he sends a feed by Mike Green wide of Antti Niemi from the slot.

The puck comes back down ice before it's turned over in the Washington zone by Chicago's Troy Brouwer; Backstrom recovers the loose puck and skates toward center, when he slows and waits for his line-mates to complete a shift change. Brouwer reads Backstrom's intent beautifully, intercepts his attempted pass and breaks in on José Theodore.

Here's where one of the season's best shifts becomes special.

Now 40 seconds into his shift, Backstrom turns tail and back-checks ferociously, intercepting Brouwer just as he reaches the front of the net.

In one swift motion, Backstrom lifts Brouwer's stick and clears the puck from danger by banging it toward the vacant corner. Even though Tom Poti is closer to the loose puck, Backstrom accelerates in front of Poti and collects the carom off the dasher.

Backstrom builds up a head of steam through the neutral zone. After that near-fatal turnover and 45 seconds into his shift, Backstrom might have been tempted to dump the puck for a line change. But he knows Brouwer and Dustin Byfuglien are trapped in his wake while Chicago's D are in the middle of a change. With plenty of room through center and Poti and Mike Knuble on his flanks, he decides to push it.

Poti and Knuble drive toward the net on the 3-on-2 while Backstrom dangles the puck in front of Brent Seabrook, inducing him to sprawl for an attempted shot block. Seabrook's Canadian Olympic teammate Duncan Keith is preoccupied by the onrushing Poti and Knuble, while the backchecking Byfuglien is too slow to do anything but watch. Backstrom toe-drags around a kneeling Seabrook and has a lane to the net the size of West Madison Street. Keith realizes this an instant too late.

Backstrom slips the puck between the legs of Niemi just before he's cleaned out by Byfuglien. It might never have happened had Brouwer not intercepted Backstrom's pass in the neutral zone.

Shifts like these mean everything to the Capitals, who showed a national television audience they have another superstar whose name isn't Alex.

It also means two things in particular to Backstrom: more Selke talk and more dollar signs.

[Thanks to YouTube user OvechkinW for uploading the video]

Do You Realize How Good Nicklas Backstrom Is?

After Ovechkin received his game-misconduct early in the 1st period today, the NBC announcers left the Caps for dead. They kept harping on how this is Ovi's team, and they lacked spark without him, and the outlook seemed hopeless, and yada yada yada. All of it was true. One salient fact was overlooked, however: Nicklas Backstrom was on the ice.

There are a handful players in hockey who you can tell immediately what kind of game they're going to have; but only a few where you can tell that kind of game is going to involve total domination. Backstrom is one of those elite few, and he had that jump in his step today. The announcers didn't seem to realize this.

Even through the sluggish first two periods, he was the most noticeable player on the ice. He skated hard every shift, challenged the vaunted 'Hawks defensive corps one-on-one and had the puck on a string all game long. When it mattered most he grinded out an ugly rebound goal to cut the deficit to 1. Then in OT, he stifled a 'Hawks scoring chance on the doorstep and turned it up ice before absolutely OWNING two Canadian Olympians (Seabrook and Keith) with a curl-and-drag for the game-winner. Oh and he added an assist for good measure.

Backstrom is one of only two NHL players in the top 5 in points, assists and +/-. He is quietly one of the best defensive forwards in the league. He won a completely unwinnable game almost single-handedly. When Eric Belanger skated off the ice after the game, he told Pierre McGuire: "we never did that in Minnesota." That's because you never had a guy like Nicklas Backstrom on your team. Ovechkin for good reason overshadows him, but world, you are on notice: Nicklas Backstrom is an unstoppable hockey machine too.