Sunday, April 4, 2010

Say It With Me: Donovan McNabb is the Washington Redskins' Newest Starting Quarterback

I can only assume he is starting, because why else would you give up a 2nd round pick AND a third or fourth round pick next year during a "rebuild" unless you thought you were getting a starter? Right?

Regardless, we're all gonna have to get used to loving supporting a guy we've been programmed to hate for the last 11 years. Although, I've hated him less and less over the last few as my fear of him has decreased. Early in his career, he tore the 'Skins to shreds on the ground. In his prime a few years ago, he just tore everyone to shreds. The last few years, he's only been able to tear the grass to shreds, specifically those patches 10 yards behind Kevin Curtis.

Exact scientific rendering of what McNabb will look like in a 'Skins uni. Get used to it.

My brain is just about ready to explode with confusion. My gut reaction is that this is horrible, so I'll just go with that. I mean, haven't we seen this movie before? Overpaying (in the form of undervalued draft picks, which the Eagles are now assuredly going to turn into perennial All-Pros) for the washed-up vet? The former Pro Bowler who will never again be an All-Pro after donning the curse that is the B&G jersey? And what the hell, Shannahan and Allen!?!?!?!? I thought you were supposed to be DIFFERENT! It's like there's something in the water in Ashburn that turns every formerly successful NFL coach into some variation of a Snyder-esque doofus. This Campbell undermining and acquiring of declining stars is just Cerrato 2.0.

Judging by either conventional stats or the metrics, McNabb was barely better than Campbell last season - and McNabb actually had an offensive line and some explosive receivers to work with. Numbers aside, he's never been known to have the intangibles of a leader. For some reason, every Eagles fan seemed to hate him. Then again, Eagles fans are dumb.

He does have a winning record in his career, and he is automatically the best QB the 'Skins have had since '99 Brad Johnson, and he knows the WCO and....HEY STOP IT FALSE OPTIMISM! YOUR SORCERY WILL NOT WORK ON ME!

Anyways the best part of the trade is this signals the end of the flirtations with Notre Dame QB Jimmy Claussen and the increased likelihood we'll draft much needed OT stud Russel Okung with the #4 pick. I'd rather root for McNabb for a minute than Claussen ever. The worst part is that poor Rex Grossman just lost his best chance at a starting position for the rest of his life. That makes me sad.

Anyways, bye bye Campbell. I will be rooting for you wherever you land, so that you can stick it to the idiot haters.

UPDATE: Just posted on my facebook wall from the one Eagles fan I am "friends" with: "Enjoy Donovan." So, yeah.

UPDATE 2: Just got this e-mail from another Eagles fan friend: "Hope you enjoy our washed-up waste of money choke artist QB." Safe to say Philly consensus is they come out ahead on this one, no?

9 comments:

  1. Your still forgetting that Donovan has played in the NFC East for 11 years. He knows how to beat the Eagles, Cowboys, and Giants.

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  2. 6-8 against the Cowboys and Giants the last three seasons (1-1 in the playoffs). Meh.

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  3. Sigh. I want to be excited about this but I just can't muster the full enthusiasm.

    Better than Jimmy Fucking Clausen however.

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  4. I do not understand how the label "Hope" applies in this situation.

    "And what the fuck, Shannahan and Allen!?!?!?!? I thought you were supposed to be DIFFERENT! It's like there's something in the water in Ashburn that turns every formerly successful NFL coach into some variation of a Snyder-esque moron. This Campbell undermining and acquiring of declining stars is just Cerrato 2.0."

    You summed it up perfectly. There is no hope. There is no silver lining. There is nothing that could baffle me any more than that moment I heard we traded for Mcnabb after signing Larry Johnson and Willie Parker.

    What's our ceiling right now? 8-8? Great. Let's drop down in the draft a little more in 2011 so we can get one year of notoriously unclutch QB who is, at this point, only a minor improvement over Jason Campbell.

    Can I start rooting for the Oklahoma City Thunder now? What, wrong sport?

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  5. John Clayton thinks otherwise: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?columnist=clayton_john&id=5055486

    I know in three months or so I'll get sucked into the hype and believe "maybe we can make the playoffs; fuck it, maybe we can win a super bowl", but until then, I'm going to trust my intuition. Do not want, do not need.

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  6. Similar numbers with a better line, RB, and receivers, I'll pass on McNabb. That 2nd round pick would be better spent on a 2nd O-linemen.

    We are also now without our 2nd and 3rd round picks in a very good draft.

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  7. I am just pissed off that the two faces of our franchise both think that they are funny. I hate unfunny athletes who try to be.

    Oh, I know this has nothing to do with D.C. sports, but can you at least throw a picture of Bob Huggins' display of foreplay from Saturday. Wasn't that the weirdest shit ever?

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  8. The stroking of the cheek was a little much. That's straight out of the getting girls frisky textbook.

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